How to gain respect of others?

[Ceros]

I've talked to an acquaintance of mine, and over the course of the discussion a phrase he told me (mostly in jest without giving it much meaning) was "I don't hold any respect for you".

And it's true - I don't really know anything about gaining or maintaining the respect of others. Since I don't think that it's going to just "come" to me without any effort on my part (Re: "What are the odds of becoming a black belt overnight" - SP) I'd like to get some input from others.

So, what in your opinion is a good way of gaining the respect of others?

[AlexG]

You can't chase respect.

I believe it starts from self-respect. How do you view yourself. You have to respect yourself first before others can respect you.

Its simply having your own life, having your own passions, your own purpose and going for what you want in your life. Being real, authentic individual.

I also wouldn't worry about if he respects you or not. Thats his problem, not yours.

[LifeWork]

How do others gain your respect?

[AlexG]

Originally Posted by LifeWork

How do others gain your respect?

Great mindset.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by Ceros

I've talked to an acquaintance of mine, and over the course of the discussion a phrase he told me (mostly in jest without giving it much meaning) was "I don't hold any respect for you".

And it's true - I don't really know anything about gaining or maintaining the respect of others. Since I don't think that it's going to just "come" to me without any effort on my part (Re: "What are the odds of becoming a black belt overnight" - SP) I'd like to get some input from others.

So, what in your opinion is a good way of gaining the respect of others?

People only respect those who respect themselves.

Self respect comes from loving yourself, not putting up with too much crap from others, living a principle centered life. Without one of those things in place you will lose out on a lot of self respect for yourself.

[Brutha]

I would also say that self respect and being comfortable with yourself is the first thing that comes to mind.
Walking your talk is also benefitial.

[nikko]

does being frank and assertive can also gain the respect of others

[MyEyeIsOpen]

I suspect that what you actually want is for people to admire you. Respect is like a human rights thing, but admiration is when people look at you and think highly of you because you are strong, bold, smart, whatever. So the answer is to be strong, bold, smart whatever. Different people respect different things.

My suggestion is to create yourself with the qualities that you admire. When you admire yourself, you'll attract people who value the same things you do, and those people will admire you.

[aggie]

i agree it comes from self respect first...i think others can sense if you don't have it.

i also agree that showing respect to others...whatever does that for you is a key factor.

[180]

Actually,

Haven't you noticed that it's usually the people who don't care about respect that get it the most?

It's kind of like authority, if you try to force it on everyone, nobody really respects your authority, but if you're doing things without intent, then everybody seems to respect you.

That's how I've noticed in my life at least. Life experience.

We want respect, because we want to feel safe. That nobody will hurt us or disrespect our ego... etc etc. But that's the wrong way to go about it. Trying to get respect in order to feel safe is kind of backwards. People respect you because YOU make them safe. Not the other way around.

I'm not trying to... "lecture" you on this. Because I know myself as a teacher, authority and respect are things you NEED in your job. And when you don't have them there is a lot of frustration.

I've tried to force both concepts on people and it just didn't work. WHen I finally stopped caring, that's when it seems to fall into place.

[Donkey1]

Become a billionaire, pay built body guards to walk around with you and start bossing them around all day.

[James81]

In looking at the people I respect the most, these are the observable qualities that they all have:

1. They are always open, honest, and authentic...even if they know I'm not gonna like what they want to hear. I never wonder where I stand with these people, I just know it because they don't try to hide how they feel or what they think.

2. They always follow through with what they say they are going to do. If they tell me they are going to do something, I can pretty much bank that it'll get done.

3. They are on my level and can relate to me, but there are clear cut boundaries that I know not to cross.

[aggie]

very good points.

[BillyTheAdult]

I notice people say "respect yourself first." I have actually been asked this question by friends before and I start from the other end. You gain respect by

1. showing respect to others, and don't get crazy trying to over do it. This is something that will take time. You could not argue when someone says something you disagree with, instead ask them to expand on it until you understand. Chances are they are not crazy, YOU just don't get it. Open doors for people. Take time to help people when they ask for and give a real effort not a half-a**ed one that is just looking for approval (once again don't go crazy though.) Be nice to the person who is considered the loser at your school/work/where ever.

2. Respect isn't something you just get, it is something you command, as in the phrase he commands respect. Once again you do this by being respectful of others. If you are a manger or some equivalent at work, get in there and do the grunt work w/the lower downs. Take a genuine interest in people just to do it and not because you think you might get something out of it. Be nice to everyone. As James81 above said if you say you are going to do something, do it.

These things simultaneously take care of you respecting yourself and others respecting you.
But this has to be something you are going to commit yourself to for the rest of your life in order for it to really work.
oh, and don't talk about yourself, your accomplishments, what you have, what you are doing, or how good with, or nice to other people you are, unless it is called for in a rare instance like a job interview or something like that.

[Karanime]

Definitely self-respect. I didn't have it for a while, and people walked all over me.

Gotta respect yourself first. And weirdly, you get whatever you want when it doesn't matter.

/<3

[Angelique]

-Learn to say no when you mean no.
-Be willing to walk away from anyone who persists on burdening you with their wants/needs.
-Be authentic.
-Have standards for yourself. Have clear boundaries.
-Be the example of your standards.
-Randomly punch people on the street. Okay, maybe not this one.

[Marc Robertson]

I agree with James81 list of 3.

I've watch respect for myself get flushed down the toilet when I have violated #2.

As for #3, once it is known that a pirate went soft, it's nothing but work work work.