I'm in constant pain

[CroMagna]

I really need help here. I am in constant pain and anguish all day long. I'm in hell. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what to do.

I feel as if no one in the world respects me. I feel like I am disrespected all day long. I feel I'm disrespected because I'm what some people consider a "slut" or a "ho" (because I have liberal views about sex and because I'm bi). I feel mainly that I'm disrespected because I'm not aggressive like most people, I am very passive, have a suburban accent, and don't know how to mouth off to people. I just sit there or say something weak and look stupid. All day long I have negative thoughts where people yell at me and call me a stupid ho and tell me to get over sexism, they yell GET OVER IT! really rudely. A lot of ghetto girls end up in these thoughts and they tell me off completely in front of everyone (in the thoughts). I'm afraid to be around my peers. I'm afraid of being publicly humiliated by them and mouthed off to in a very aggressive "ghetto" way. I'm afraid of being beaten and raped and having no one care. I'm afraid of girls circling me embarassing in me in public. I'm afraid of men making fun of me.

I have talked to several therapists, both male and female, black and white, American and non-American, who have all said that I must have a deep abiding acceptance of my sexuality, no matter what I choose it to be. I have learned to accept that I am different from most people. Through my religion, I learned to celebrate my differences and found others like me.

But society is still waiting with open arms to torment me. I have tried only associating with people in my religion, but that's completely impossible, as there aren't that many of us and we're spread out. I've tried self-exile, but you eventually have to be around people. And you eventually have to talk to them and be friendly towards them. I've tried fighting back by declaring my religion, you know, as a way of intimidating people. I don't think people are intimidated, I think they just find it weird. If they were intimidated, the playing field would be level and I would feel protected.

I don't know what to do about this disrespect and the anger and hatred it has bred. It's on my mind all the time. I ask myself, what can I DO about my hate? What can I DO about my anger? What can I DO about the disrespect? What can I DO to fight back against the sexism, like how people fight against racism? I'm so depressed about sexism and about not being respected as I am. I am an outcast in the black community. It's overwhelming. I don't want to condone injustice, but I can see the appeal of Muslim countries where the women have to stay inside and cover their faces when they come out. I wish I could live like that. Then I wouldn't have to feel so ashamed all the time. I wouldn't be part of the world and no one would know me.

[AlexG]

I think it was Einstein who said that you have 2 questions to ask yourself that will change the way you live in this world.

Do you see theworld as an evil place where or do you see it as everyone is your friend. Because which ever one you choose that is your reality. The longer you are in that reality the stronger it becomes.

I would really start with reading some of Steve's work.


But ultimately it starts from inside you and your own self-respect.

[Steve Pavlina]

You'd probably gain a lot from Lisa Nichols' material. I was listening to an interview with her this morning. She deals a lot with self-esteem and acceptance issues.

[uberinquisitive]

There seems to be a lot of issues here: race, class, gender, sexuality.

What strikes me the most - you don't like, respect, or accept yourself...so you're hoping to get all that from the outside world.

Have you read Eckhart Tolle's books? Power of Now and A New Earth. I suggest you read A New Earth, and watch the 10-part Oprah/Tolle webinar.

I've had years of both traditional and esoteric therapy, and the Oprah/Tolle seminar was one of the most significant aspect of my growth. I highly recommend.

Just do something! Don't just sit around moping, hoping the world will change. I think it was Gandhi who said, "you have to be the change you wish to see in the world."

[Rose of Cairo]

We also did recommend a few books to you in another thread, like The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Astonishing Power of Emotions or Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

They'd change your life. Maybe read them first of all, and then you'll see?

Oh, and The Work by Byron Katie would help too. And her book Loving what is.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

You'd probably gain a lot from Lisa Nichols' material. I was listening to an interview with her this morning. She deals a lot with self-esteem and acceptance issues.

It's definitely an honor to get feedback from Steve Pavlina himself. Thanks so much for all you do.

[CroMagna]

Thanks also to everyone else. I have taken your suggestions in and written all the resources down. I look forward to getting started.

[Dannyboy1]

You need professional help and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't do it alone. You need a coach. Hire an NLP coach. Try hypnosis or counseling and definitely read the Power of Now.

[mahreenferdous]

" We have divided you in colours and creed so that you may get to know one another. " Celebrate the differences in genders, cultures, languages, everything. We have more in common than differences. We are all here to learn and to teach.

Introspection is probably the best place to get to know and love yourself.

Let us know how it goes.

[The Cloud]

What do you really want to DO something about? The problems you see, or the pain you feel? You don't control the problems, they may persist beyond your best effort. But the pain is yours. You don't need it, and you don't want it. So stop blaming yourself, and let it go. If you really want to.

[adderrall]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I really need help here. I am in constant pain and anguish all day long. I'm in hell.
I have tried only associating with people in my religion, but that's completely impossible, as there aren't that many of us and we're spread out. I've tried fighting back by declaring my religion, you know, as a way of intimidating people. I don't think people are intimidated, I think they just find it weird. If they were intimidated, the playing field would be level and I would feel protected.

what religion is that? just curious, i was thinking of buying a satanic bible, and reading it out in public just to **** with people. not only that, but i saw the commandments, which basically meant to take better care 0f yourself. most everyone is stupid anyway, dont let them hurt you and control you like that, i do the same thing, to overcome and let go of the anger and pain is so difficult, im not sure how, but i have to or it will destroy me.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Once you have more self acceptance the opinions of other's will become annoying and not as painful as before. Their judgment's bother you because on some level you are judging yourself for it. Release the judgments and the opinions of others won't both you as much.

As well, find other girls who are bisexual. It helps heal a lot when you meet someone with similar tastes when for so long you feel like no one else can possibly relate. But once you find them, don't isolate yourself from other people completely.

Some parts of the world are more accepting than others. When me and my girlfriend (she's bi too) were up in Montreal no body really cared at all. It was for the most part very accepting. They seemed to have more of a problem with us being Americans than my girlfriend being bi.

[Kazeko]

CroMagna,

I have great sympathy for you. Many people advice some "inner" changings, like mindset changing, reading LoA and meditation books. But I perceive your problem from totally different perspective. So I give you advice "looking through my glasses".

Don't give up! Ever. Fight. Struggle. Act. Grow stronger. "Yet our eyes sparkling, strident with strength" (c) Immortal. By the way, I recommend you at least to get familiar with that "battlelust" mindset, by reading IMMORTAL LYRICS

Now some practical stuff:
1) Are you able to change your environment somehow? To move out, by getting education and/or scholarship, for example?
2) Are you able to get a strong support from your church? I can't beleive that Church of Satan doesn't give power to its adepts.
3) Are you able to become physically stronger, by studying martial arts, for example?
4) Are you able to change your diet and to quit drinking, in order to gain an energy boost and feel better eventually?
5) Are you able to spot other opportunities around you?

If you ever need words of support... e-mail me. I'll answer.

"In the deadwhite moonlight
far above we reign mercilessly
Kings of the ravenrealm
Stronger than ice
Stronger than stone"