Romantic Relationships

[coLLege kid07]

Alright, so I have a question for you romantics out there. What kind of mindset do you have in terms of attracting a date, or in my case a girlfriend?

For me right now I have a mindset where I want a girl to accept me for who I truly am. I want her to genuinely like me and want her to want to spend time with me (or some interest in me).

Well now I think my beliefs are all fine and dandy, but I feel this mindset might have me waiting around and looking for the perfect' girl. We of course know that this isn't true. Also I feel that it may be unrealistic to wait around. What do you think? What are you beliefs in this area? And if you currently have a girlfriend/boyfriend how'd you do it lol?

[Mr_A]

Depends what type of relationship you want
Do you want to play the field and become a player?
or would you like a longer term relationship?

[InterfaceLeader]

When I met my current boyfriend, we had an instant spark... and that was just online o.o When we finally met (a year and a half later!) it was crazy, we both clicked instantly.

Then we got married

I wasn't looking for a partner at all, I actually believed myself to be in love with someone else... and ignored what I felt for him for quite a long time. Equally, he was in a long-term relationship with someone else, so neither of us were searching, looking, or trying to put out the right mindset or anything. We were just ourselves, and told each other our problems and our joys, and found each other to be so honest and genuine that eventually we gave in and admitted we were in love with each other.

[Geiger]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

For me right now I have a mindset where I want a girl to accept me for who I truly am. I want her to genuinely like me and want her to want to spend time with me (or some interest in me).

If would say you should have the 'opposite' mindset: "I genuinely like myself, and I don't need anybody else to make me happy".

This mindset will tend to attract people that feel the same, be they friends or lovers.

[StellaBlue]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

Alright, so I have a question for you romantics out there. What kind of mindset do you have in terms of attracting a date, or in my case a girlfriend?

For me right now I have a mindset where I want a girl to accept me for who I truly am. I want her to genuinely like me and want her to want to spend time with me (or some interest in me).

Well now I think my beliefs are all fine and dandy, but I feel this mindset might have me waiting around and looking for the perfect' girl. We of course know that this isn't true. Also I feel that it may be unrealistic to wait around. What do you think? What are you beliefs in this area? And if you currently have a girlfriend/boyfriend how'd you do it lol?

I think everyone really wants to find someone who accepts them for who they are and is interested in them. Those really aren't even that specific of requirements (like saying a 5'2", raw vegan, likes electronic music, exercises 5x a week, has blond hair, etc.), so I'm sure that girl is out there for you! Put your intentions out there and just don't settle for what isn't right for you if you are trying to get into a long term relationship. Believe me, I have done that (settled) a lot of times and it has not gotten me to the best place. Shoot, I am lonely so I am still tempted to do that sometimes. I think I even posted about it not too long ago But I know that I am worth waiting for the perfect person to come (which is a whole lot more specific than your perfect person!).

If you are not really looking for a long term relationship, then meet different people, make connections, experiment with how your relationship goes, and have fun! Aren't you like only 18? You are still young! Just don't stress about it too much. Work on a great relationship with yourself while you are waiting for your perfect person to come along! (heh, corny and common advice huh? sorry!)

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by StellaBlue

I think everyone really wants to find someone who accepts them for who they are and is interested in them. Those really aren't even that specific of requirements (like saying a 5'2", raw vegan, likes electronic music, exercises 5x a week, has blond hair, etc.), so I'm sure that girl is out there for you! Put your intentions out there and just don't settle for what isn't right for you if you are trying to get into a long term relationship. Believe me, I have done that (settled) a lot of times and it has not gotten me to the best place. Shoot, I am lonely so I am still tempted to do that sometimes. I think I even posted about it not too long ago But I know that I am worth waiting for the perfect person to come (which is a whole lot more specific than your perfect person!).

If you are not really looking for a long term relationship, then meet different people, make connections, experiment with how your relationship goes, and have fun! Aren't you like only 18? You are still young! Just don't stress about it too much. Work on a great relationship with yourself while you are waiting for your perfect person to come along! (heh, corny and common advice huh? sorry!)

hehe yea 19...but as far as relationships go it's been awhile =/. Been too absorbed in self improvement I guess lol. I'd say my relationship with myself is great. I do whatever I want lol, and I'm getting better at just noticing my ego and not getting mad or angry at it...just accepting it. (I love how I've made everyone's lives alot better that I've come in contact with...job,school,ect.) I think that it's about time I get back in the game...maybe not to find a person I'll spend my life with but I'd settle for a month or two

[Angela]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

For me right now I have a mindset where I want a girl to accept me for who I truly am. I want her to genuinely like me and want her to want to spend time with me (or some interest in me).

Well now I think my beliefs are all fine and dandy, but I feel this mindset might have me waiting around and looking for the perfect' girl.

Hey there. You might want to try on a new perspective for size. Try letting go of what you want the girl of your dreams to provide for you, like accepting, liking, and being interested in you, and generate a focus of what value you will provide for the girl of your dreams. Get a great big sense of the loving, generous, fun, affectionate leader-teacher-protector-provider you want to BE in a relationship. Be the things you want to *get* in a relationship.

I think you'll find you'll become a magnet for the kind of women you want to attract, and feel powerful in generating satisfying and fulfilling relationship with them. You'll also be able to recognize early the women with whom it won't work and not waste your time or hers.

[StellaBlue]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hey there. You might want to try on a new perspective for size. Try letting go of what you want the girl of your dreams to provide for you, like accepting, liking, and being interested in you, and generate a focus of what value you will provide for the girl of your dreams. Get a great big sense of the loving, generous, fun, affectionate leader-teacher-protector-provider you want to BE in a relationship. Be the things you want to *get* in a relationship.

I think you'll find you'll become a magnet for the kind of women you want to attract, and feel powerful in generating satisfying and fulfilling relationship with them. You'll also be able to recognize early the women with whom it won't work and not waste your time or hers.

I like that perspective, Angela. I might have to try it out myself.

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hey there. You might want to try on a new perspective for size. Try letting go of what you want the girl of your dreams to provide for you, like accepting, liking, and being interested in you, and generate a focus of what value you will provide for the girl of your dreams. Get a great big sense of the loving, generous, fun, affectionate leader-teacher-protector-provider you want to BE in a relationship. Be the things you want to *get* in a relationship.

I think you'll find you'll become a magnet for the kind of women you want to attract, and feel powerful in generating satisfying and fulfilling relationship with them. You'll also be able to recognize early the women with whom it won't work and not waste your time or hers.

ah ha. Thanks for the output Angela. I see in having these beliefs it will take some integrity in not changing them. I think this is where I was going wrong as I was changing my values to be able to make something work that's doomed in the first place. Well I'll give it a try and do my best to stick to what I believe in. Thanks again.

EDIT: I've found that balance helps alot. Save yourself from being drained out too much.