Relationship advice

[Redd]

Alright so I'm a noobie here and don't normally like to ask for help about this kind of stuff. So pretty much me and my current girlfriend started dating around a year and a half ago in the second half of our senior year in high school. I was just starting to really open up and become confident (was a VERY shy kid in high school.) She seemed laid back and was really into music..cool. I am known for being laid back so that was great.

Well six months into the relationship she started acting weird. She started asking questions about my previous girlfriend and asked if I ever liked her. I didn't want to lie and replied yes but that was like 2 years ago. Well ever since then she is suspicious that I am cheating on her. She is extremely insecure. She has been jealous of all of my friends that are girls (some I have been friends with since grade school.) Honestly she is my first serious relationship. My last "ex-girlfriend" lasted a week. Her family loves me and trusts me but she does not trust me at all. Sometimes I catch her sneaking my phone and looking through my messages.

I just act like I don't know though cause I have nothing to hide. She is constantly asking me if I am cheating and I just keep telling the truth...no. She gets very into detail about the dumbest things. One day she asked to go to the local target. I said okay let me get changed. After I got being changed she asked me why I did not change in front of her and she accused me of hiding a hiki.

This really bothers me because I am a faithful guy and would never screw her over. She has been screwed over by boyfriends in the past and she herself has cheated in the past but I trust her to not screw me over. All of my friends are disgusted at how little trust she has for me and tells me to break up with her. It just feels good to get all of this out. I can't look in a certain direction without her instantly jerking her head in the same direction. It's weird.. She even scolded me once because she claimed a girl was checking me out. She gets very mad if I don't pick up the phone in time. She has apologized to me for all of this stuff countless times over the past 8 months but it does not end. She affects my work at college demanding a lot of my attention. I want to help her get confidence. I was just starting to hit my peak in expressing myself and being more confident. Now I feel stress and anger taking over again.

This is my first relationship I don't know how to handle it. I just need to talk about it with someone.

[Alexjstrandberg]

First relationships are difficult because of the lack of experience and being able to handle them.

I can't be sure what's going on (trust your gut) but I think she is cheating on you. When people change and get all weird in a relationship it's because of something they did. In this case she is projecting her own lack of integrity onto you. Be very careful of the distrustful girls and the ones who say "oh you would just get bored of me".

The distrustful ones distrust other people because they themselves aren't trustworthy. In a relationship context they tend to cheat first because they don't want to be the one cheated on because they will feel like a chump.

If that's not the case you need to teach her how to have confidence and high self esteem.

[tstesen]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

I can't be sure what's going on (trust your gut) but I think she is cheating on you. When people change and get all weird in a relationship it's because of something they did. In this case she is projecting her own lack of integrity onto you. Be very careful of the distrustful girls and the ones who say "oh you would just get bored of me".

The distrustful ones distrust other people because they themselves aren't trustworthy. In a relationship context they tend to cheat first because they don't want to be the one cheated on because they will feel like a chump.

I agree completely. As some one who has been cheated on in the past and then cheated on partners it becomes a vicious cycle of "get them before they get me".

Because of the hurts others have caused me in the past I am very cautious in my present day relationships. I also struggle with insecurities however it sounds like hers are taking over her life and yours. I would try and sit down and have an honest face to face chat with her at a neutral time when neither of you is upset. If you wait to broach the subject until the next time a disagreement arises it will only escalate if you try to confront her about her feelings.

It sounds like she needs constant reassurance that you are in to her, the question is do you want to spend the next X number of years providing that reassurance.

I would stress to her that you are choosing to be with HER, not your ex and that she can't control you. You can't stop a person from cheating, they will or they won't. It's how you are going to deal with the situation that ultimately matters.

Good Luck

Tanya