What it means to be a man

[Alexjstrandberg]

I normally don't re-post entries to my blog on here but I thought this one would really help out a couple of people, enjoy!

Women want real men but in today’s society that is damn hard to find. Women have lost faith, respect, trust and especially ATTRACTION for the mamma’s boys that walk the streets today-ones who should be checking female on their physical form instead of male. Most “men” haven’t the slightest clue on how to be a man who does it for her and himself. So, what is a real man?

The only quality that separates a man from a boy is courage-that’s it. The willingness and courage to push past fears, obstacles, resistance etc is what makes a man. All other qualities that come to mind when you think of what a REAL man is only come as a result of having courage.

A man is honest. Without courage you can’t be honest because honesty isn’t always the popular choice. When you are completely honest you run the risk of losing many things including friends, family, jobs and WOMEN.

People are basically full of **** and will lie to you and themselves all day long. Whenever they meet someone who is completely honest it scares the crap out of them because they fear that this person might reveal to them something they didn’t want to admit to themselves. Whether it be a fear, insecurity, judgment of themselves and so on, meeting an honest person is not something they want to do because they don’t have the courage to be honest in the first place.

I can’t count how many friends and women I have lost when I made the choice to completely honest with myself and others.

People generally lie for two reasons:

1. To hold onto something they don’t want to lose

2. Not lose the possibility of gaining something

So you might lie to your girlfriend about watching porn because you don’t want to lose her or you might tell a date that you drive a BMW 500 series and that it’s in the shop because you don’t want to lose out on getting the girl.

People lie because they are scared of losing or scared of not getting but it’s all based in FEAR. To be completely honest you must have the courage to push past that fear, to say **** it and do it anyways.

All fears are illusions, they aren’t real. You might feel them completely, the nervousness, the shaky hands but they aren’t real. Every time after you push past a fear and your heart rate calms down you ALWAYS think “that wasn’t that bad, what the hell was I scared of?”

A man is confident. Confidence doesn’t come from NLP, Hypnosis, of any other emotional balancing system. Those things definitely HELP but they will never work as well as having courage. Every time you push past a fear you gain confidence. Why?

The mind/ego is a fear producing machine. It loves to keep you nice and scared because it will have the greatest control over you. Control is how the ego gets fed and survives. If it were to lose all control over you, you would no longer have an ego.

Every time you push past an illusion based fear the ego/mind loses its control over you and you gain more confidence. Your insecure and doubtful thoughts no longer have as great of a pull because you realize that fear is an illusion. Identifying with the mind and the thoughts that it produces is why you are insecure and not confident in the first place.

A man is strong. A woman needs to know that you are stronger than her and can protect her if the situation calls for it. If you aren’t strong, she will know and test you until she has completely lost ALL attraction for you.

Strength comes from having the courage to push past fears and to be able to withstand rough times. This lifestyle is not an easy one. On this path you will be met with many difficult situations that will bring you down.

The weak ones stay down, the strong get back up and keep going.

Pushing through difficult, sometimes painful situations enough times will allow you to build massive confidence in yourself. You will know on a deep level that no matter how bad a situation gets you will be able to go through it and survive.

Women will pick up on this and they will just know who they are dealing with.

A man takes charge and takes control of his life. Women are attracted to men who take life by the balls and get things done. You can’t wait around for your life to magically become perfect, you need to be the one to make things happen.

“Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease or women.”-David Deida

In order to take the reins of your own life you must not be a victim to the world and take full response-ability for it. You must not make excuses and blame others for how your life is. This requires massive amounts of courage to do.

Most people don’t take full response-ability for their lives because it scares them too much. If they take control of their lives and failed they would have no one to blame but themselves. The thought of failure is too much for most people to bare so they point their finger to the outside world for their own shortcomings and hide in their excuses. A man never hides from his fears and never makes excuses.

A man is fearless. Well this isn’t exactly true. It might appear that he is fearless because he has become comfortable being scared and pushing through that fear but he still feels it from time to time. The difference is that he feels this fear and doesn’t let it cripple him. He actively seeks out his own fears and conquers them to the point where there are few or none left inside of him.

A man knows who he is and what he wants. To know who you are you must have the courage to look WITHIN for the answers. Looking inward for the truth can be a scary thing to do. Most people avoid being honest with themselves for fear that they might find something they didn’t want to.

It’s not your insecurities, fears and doubts that take you down, it’s you inability to recognize them and to become aware of them that hurts you the most. When you become aware of something it no longer has the ability to run your life. Take time to sit down and think about what your strengths, weaknesses, fears and doubts are.

Also, take time to think about what you want out of life and what you want to get from getting good with women.

Do you want a girlfriend?

Just get this part of your life handled?

What do you want from life?

Figure out what it is you want for yourself, NOT what someone else wants but what YOU desire. Most people haven’t the slightest idea what they want out of life so they go with what everyone else wants-”he seems happy, let me try to get what he has”

For more on figuring out what you want to do with your life I suggest reading my article on How to Find and Live Your Mission:

A man is a leader. Here is a quote from a post I wrote about being a leader:

“A TRUE LEADER leads without needing any follows. He doesn’t mind if people go in the direction that HE CHOOSES but he DOESN’T NEED them to because he would do it anyways. He knows what he wants in life and doesn’t care if people want to go down that direction. He doesn’t manipulate or control them into going where he wants to go, he simply goes WITHOUT PERMISSION from others. “

Courage comes down to a choice that you make. It’s the same choice that everyone else has. The choice to take full response-ability to do something about your life or sit in the corner sucking your thumb waiting for success to come knocking on your door. The choice to not let fear cripple you or let it destroy everything you desire in life.

The choice to be a man or not. NO ONE is born a man, they make the choice to be one.

So what do you chose?

-Alex

[Angela]

That all sounds great! I want to be one of those!

[Mr_A]

Hey Alex please explain then
What does it mean to be a woman?

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by Mr_A

Hey Alex please explain then
What does it mean to be a woman?

I'll make a post about it. I write mostly for men so I made this article for them but the article is useful for everyone.

[Mr_A]

Alex also explain what
What it means to be a gay man?
and
What it means to be a gay woman?

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by Mr_A

Alex also explain what
What it means to be a gay man?
and
What it means to be a gay woman?

what are you getting at that you aren't saying?

[jaamkie]

I've seen quite a few discussions of the meaning of a "real man" on this board, while I think strength and honesty and etc are good things, it irks me that they're associated with masculinity, and that other equally important "feminine" traits aren't given equal weight- patience and kindness etc... I think they have to all come together somehow and to separate them into different "man" and "woman" sets doesn't really help anyone. My ideal man would be strong and independent and honest and gentle and kind/empathetic all together, and I hope I can be all of those things myself as well!

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

I've seen quite a few discussions of the meaning of a "real man" on this board, while I think strength and honesty and etc are good things, it irks me that they're associated with masculinity, and that other equally important "feminine" traits aren't given equal weight- patience and kindness etc... I think they have to all come together somehow and to separate them into different "man" and "woman" sets doesn't really help anyone. My ideal man would be strong and independent and honest and gentle and kind/empathetic all together, and I hope I can be all of those things myself as well!

That's probably the same thing MR_A was getting at but couldn't out and out say it.

There are masculine and feminine traits or masculine and feminine energies and both need to be balanced. Patience and kindness, a lot of men have those traits handled to some degree but they don't balance them with what I wrote above. They are no less of value in any way

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by Angela

That all sounds great! I want to be one of those!

With surgical technology nowadays that could be easily fixed.

$7 000 000 please.

(Or you could simply send out a REALLY powerful intention to the universe. Better do it right though - don't go half way and give up.)

[Jamie]

I should in fairness, point out that I haven't yet read your article in full Alex, but I intend to.

I think the problem here, and perhaps this relates to what people are saying that they're not saying ..

Is that 'REAL MAN', has very masculine connotations (think 'John Wayne'), it suggest a person be 100% masculine energy, and 0% female energy; so in my eyes at least 'REAL MAN' eschews the natural female energy we all naturally have within.

Better than a man surrenders himself to the feminine; the feminine in a cosmic sense, that pervades the entire universe, and is within both himself, and of course, within women. Rather than trying to conquer or beat it in to submission, which I think, is a more traditional 'REAL MAN' mind-set.

Will defo read your post in full though Alex. Cheers.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Marco Polo

With surgical technology nowadays that could be easily fixed.

$7 000 000 please.

(Or you could simply send out a REALLY powerful intention to the universe. Better do it right though - don't go half way and give up.)

Don't listen to him Angela!

I'll do it on the cheap for you, only $6,499,999.99 (will take PayPal).

[Alexjstrandberg]

I find it very interesting that the article is purely on good, decent, human characteristics that are foundations for a great life that Steve and a whole lot of other people have written about but since I used the word "man" everyone seems a little erked by the article.

Had I taken the word out of it and said people or even used women that the article would have been fine for the whole family. Feminist movement is great but like everything that creates change it swings to an extreme before finding balance. So right now a lot of people are on the extreme and bothered by the word man of what I wrote even though it was teaching people how to have decent values and live by principles instead of love.

It was also greatly assumed that these were only qualities that a man should have instead of seeing the little note I wrote that my website is intended for my mostly male audience. If my website was geared towards women, I would write the same things but use a different word.

[SomeRandomGuy]

Alex,

I agree that your article would likely be perceived differently if it were not specifically aimed at men. If you feel that these things are what it takes to be a good person, and that you only aimed it at men because that is the focus of your website, that makes sense.

There was one point, however, that seems to me not to apply equally across genders.

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

A man is strong. A woman needs to know that you are stronger than her and can protect her if the situation calls for it. If you aren’t strong, she will know and test you until she has completely lost ALL attraction for you.

Obviously I can't know what you meant by this exactly, but I perceive it as meaning that women are weak and need the protection of a man. This changes the whole article for me, because now I'm looking at it in the context of "men and women are different, and men need to act this way to be attractive to women". I find that thought unfair to both genders.

I think that men and women are equal, so the thought of women being weak and needing men to take care of them doesn't sit well with me. Also, the thought that men need to act in a certain way to seem "manly" to attract a woman also isn't inline with my beliefs. I feel that every human being should strive to be a good person and should look for traits in a potential partner that compliment him/her well. The thought that there are a pre-defined list of traits that a man needs to display to be considered attractive to a women seems to imply that women are lacking in some of those traits (strength, courage, leadership), so need a man to compliment them in those areas. Also, the thought that a man can only attract a women by acting a certain way leaves a great deal of the male population feeling that they have to change who they are and act the way society wants them to in order to be valuable as a man. I think this is a big problem in our society right now; men are afraid to be themselves, because they have the idea of what it takes to be a "real man" pounded into them their entire lives. In my opinion, A man who is afraid to cry because "boys don't cry" is a man who is a captive of societal beliefs and who doesn't really know who he is. I can't put the blame on that man, however. How could he know who he is, when he has lived his life trying to fit into a mold that someone else created for him?

I realize that I may be taking your article completely out of context, and that the way I perceived it may be very different from what you meant. If that is the case I apologize.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Marco Polo

With surgical technology nowadays that could be easily fixed.

$7 000 000 please.

(Or you could simply send out a REALLY powerful intention to the universe. Better do it right though - don't go half way and give up.)

I don't need surgery in order to generate the qualities Alex is talking about, in being the sort of person he was describing and I want to be.

p.s. Jamie, I'm sure it would be delightful to play doctor with you, especially at such a bargain price!

[robc]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

I find it very interesting that the article is purely on good, decent, human characteristics that are foundations for a great life that Steve and a whole lot of other people have written about but since I used the word "man" everyone seems a little erked by the article.

Had I taken the word out of it and said people or even used women that the article would have been fine for the whole family. Feminist movement is great but like everything that creates change it swings to an extreme before finding balance. So right now a lot of people are on the extreme and bothered by the word man of what I wrote even though it was teaching people how to have decent values and live by principles instead of love.

It was also greatly assumed that these were only qualities that a man should have instead of seeing the little note I wrote that my website is intended for my mostly male audience. If my website was geared towards women, I would write the same things but use a different word.

If anything I think more articles like this should be put out there and read regularly. Yes alot if not all of these qualities aren't gender specific but alot of them are missing in today's men - regardless if anyone wants to admit it or not.

As much as men & women are equal, there are alot of differences between the sexes and since this article was specific about men, I think it's important to focus on that theme.

As far as what is it like to be a woman today or a gay man/woman, Alex would probably have to be a woman or a gay man/woman to accurately offer a fair representation. This article isn't about what women like in a man, it is about what it takes to be a man.

[robc]

Originally Posted by Angela

I don't need surgery in order to generate the qualities Alex is talking about, in being the sort of person he was describing and I want to be.

p.s. Jamie, I'm sure it would be delightful to play doctor with you, especially at such a bargain price!

- after your offer to play doctor, there is a long line up of men waiting to play doctor with you as well, the physical exams are always the best

[Mr_A]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg
what are you getting at that you aren't saying?

I can feel that this forum is going to turn into a gender war.
ARM YOURSELVES!!!

Alex your article was not on how to be a man, your article was how to be a honourable masculine being.
We need to establish that gender doesn't determine if you’re a core masculine being or a core feminie being.
This is important, everyone repeat after me
Gender doesn't determine if you’re a core masculine being or a core feminie being.
Gays and lesbians follow these feminie and masculine principles too and you labelling masculinity to men is my problem.
Saying this no one is totally masculine or totally feminie, a health person has both feminie and masculine traits but they known what their core is and they work and live from there.

Any Questions?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Mr_A

Any Questions?

Just one. Where did you get this word, "feminie"? I sort of like it.

[Mr_A]

Originally Posted by Angela
Just one. Where did you get this word, "feminie"? I sort of like it.

The same place l got the word 'masculine'

[ghfever]

I agree with Mr_A.

I'm a gay man. I don't have all of those traits, nor would I need them to please a woman. So please do tell what steriotype I should fall in?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

p.s. Jamie, I'm sure it would be delightful to play doctor with you, especially at such a bargain price!

I wholeheartedly agree!

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by ghfever

I agree with Mr_A.

I'm a gay man. I don't have all of those traits, nor would I need them to please a woman. So please do tell what steriotype I should fall in?

sarcasm, enough said.

Mr_A, I do agree with you on the masculine/feminine characteristics completely but explaining that is saved for another post on my blog, this time around I meant to keep it simple. Most of my readers on my blog are learning to develop their masculine core and happen to be men so using male instead of masculine energy was just easier.

Somerandomguy, agreed that men should definitely be able to cry and feel vulnerable around women (I do) I didn't talk about that stuff because I mentioned it in another article here:

http://innergamereframe.com/being-vu...he-attraction/

For the protecting stuff, it's a biological thing. We are human beings and a lot of people are trying to ignore the human (biological/evolutionary) aspect of being a human and solely focus on the being (spirit, higher self etc). We do not honor the human in us.

If you read books like the selfish Gene and the red Queen by Matt Ridley you will understand what I am talking about. Surviving long enough to pass on your genes is the primary goal for people (remember, it's the human side) When a female chooses a mate she needs to find one that is strong enough to protect her because for nine months she will become dependent on him for survival. If she chooses a weak mate she runs the risk of dying herself and being unable to pass her own gene's, hence "she needs to know that you are strong enough to protect her"

When you show signs of weakness (vulnerability is not weak) like lacking the above characteristics that I described she will lose attraction for you because if you are weak you will produce weak offspring (it's why needy guy's kill the attraction for women). If you produce weak offspring the odds of her gene's surviving over the generations is slim.

Now, ALL of this goes on unconsciously and it is the HUMAN aspect of the human beings. Today things are different, the woman can handle herself without a man and doesn't fear a cougar eating her while she is pregnant. But the same biological aspect still plays out unconsciously.

This is based on a straight male and a straight female dynamic. I don't write for everyone just only what I know and have experienced.

For those that get upset by this or anything that I talk about, I recommend learning compassion and the world is your mirror stuff. Being bothered, angry, upset, hurt etc all happens on the inside, is your own doing and is never justified by external factors.

You can whole heartedly disagree with me and that's more than ok with me but if you are actually upset by it then the problem is with you and needs to be fixed through having compassion and thinking the world is your mirror.

[ghfever]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

sarcasm, enough said.

Mr_A, I do agree with you on the masculine/feminine characteristics completely but explaining that is saved for another post on my blog, this time around I meant to keep it simple. Most of my readers on my blog are learning to develop their masculine core and happen to be men so using male instead of masculine energy was just easier.

Somerandomguy, agreed that men should definitely be able to cry and feel vulnerable around women (I do) I didn't talk about that stuff because I mentioned it in another article here:

http://innergamereframe.com/being-vu...he-attraction/

For the protecting stuff, it's a biological thing. We are human beings and a lot of people are trying to ignore the human (biological/evolutionary) aspect of being a human and solely focus on the being (spirit, higher self etc). We do not honor the human in us.

If you read books like the selfish Gene and the red Queen by Matt Ridley you will understand what I am talking about. Surviving long enough to pass on your genes is the primary goal for people (remember, it's the human side) When a female chooses a mate she needs to find one that is strong enough to protect her because for nine months she will become dependent on him for survival. If she chooses a weak mate she runs the risk of dying herself and being unable to pass her own gene's, hence "she needs to know that you are strong enough to protect her"

When you show signs of weakness (vulnerability is not weak) like lacking the above characteristics that I described she will lose attraction for you because if you are weak you will produce weak offspring (it's why needy guy's kill the attraction for women). If you produce weak offspring the odds of her gene's surviving over the generations is slim.

Now, ALL of this goes on unconsciously and it is the HUMAN aspect of the human beings. Today things are different, the woman can handle herself without a man and doesn't fear a cougar eating her while she is pregnant. But the same biological aspect still plays out unconsciously.

This is based on a straight male and a straight female dynamic. I don't write for everyone just only what I know and have experienced.

For those that get upset by this or anything that I talk about, I recommend learning compassion and the world is your mirror stuff. Being bothered, angry, upset, hurt etc all happens on the inside, is your own doing and is never justified by external factors.

You can whole heartedly disagree with me and that's more than ok with me but if you are actually upset by it then the problem is with you and needs to be fixed through having compassion and thinking the world is your mirror.

Sorry, I didn't realize your post was ONLY for straight men. And not for any type of woman. So next time you should post STRAIGHT MEN ONLY - NO WOMEN OR GAYS.

[Alexjstrandberg]

haha you're too funny and wayy too overly sensitive and just nit picking on words. Read the last part of my last post over and over till it sinks in.

[coLLege kid07]

can I choose to be a women? lol

(no disrespect warranted)

[Mr_A]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg
For those that get upset by this or anything that I talk about, I recommend learning compassion and the world is your mirror stuff. Being bothered, angry, upset, hurt etc all happens on the inside, is your own doing and is never justified by external factors.

You can whole heartedly disagree with me and that's more than ok with me but if you are actually upset by it then the problem is with you and needs to be fixed through having compassion and thinking the world is your mirror.

Pretty much the philosophy ‘your consciousness is a reflection of your reality’

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg
haha you're too funny and wayy too overly sensitive and just nit picking on words. Read the last part of my last post over and over till it sinks in.

I’m more interest in the fact that when you preach and offend someone you wash your hands of responsibility and say not my problem you have unresolved anger issues. Shouldn't you be man enough and strong enough to resolve the issue by admitting there are floors in your article then asking how I can improve this article. But you come from a place of increasing your own significance and ego by laughing and putting down the statement of another to make yourself feel justified.
Fact is you have zero empathy and your article is floored.
Let me polite, because you don’t know how to deal with anger people
'If you have any issues with the information above do not hesitate to contact me'

Regards,

Mr_A

[Marco Polo]

Originally Posted by Angela

I don't need surgery in order to generate the qualities Alex is talking about, in being the sort of person he was describing and I want to be.

Oh right. When you said "I want to be one of those" I thought you meant something a little different there.

I'll just stow away my surgery equipment then...

[SomeRandomGuy]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

For those that get upset by this or anything that I talk about, I recommend learning compassion and the world is your mirror stuff. Being bothered, angry, upset, hurt etc all happens on the inside, is your own doing and is never justified by external factors.

You can whole heartedly disagree with me and that's more than ok with me but if you are actually upset by it then the problem is with you and needs to be fixed through having compassion and thinking the world is your mirror.

Obviously you and I have very different views on this subject, and I am okay with that. If I were to never encounter someone with an opposing viewpoint, I would be less likely to question my own beliefs and grow.

It seems to me that at the core, the issue is that what you see as "strengthening" the male gender I see as weakening it. And what I see as "improving" the male gender you see as being damaging to it.

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

Women want real men but in today’s society that is damn hard to find. Women have lost faith, respect, trust and especially ATTRACTION for the mamma’s boys that walk the streets today-ones who should be checking female on their physical form instead of male. Most “men” haven’t the slightest clue on how to be a man who does it for her and himself. So, what is a real man?

-Alex

I agree to the fact that being bothered by the "macho" stereotypes that men try to live up to is a my problem. Will you also agree that being bothered by the "mamma's boy" trend that you perceive is your problem?

I will say that I am offended by your statements that women have lost faith, respect, trust and attraction for men that don't fit your profile; and the implication that men who don't fit into your description don't know how to be a man. I definitely do not fit into your description, and have been happily married for 10 years (I was apparently able to attract a woman). I think the difference may be in the type of woman I am trying to attract compared to the type you have in mind. To be quite honest, I wouldn't put up with the crap that I see from a lot of women, which includes wanting some of the traits you listed as being required to attract a woman. This is not meant in any way as an offense to women. I just prefer a woman who views the genders equally, and doesn't want a stereotypical macho man. That being said, I know that becoming offended is my issue, not yours. So I don't ask for you to change what you have written, or even change your views. I do ask, that you consider the alternate viewpoint, and then you can forget it if you determine that it is of no worth to you.

Thanks for posting this article. I think it has been a good springboard for discussions of gender equality.

[Alexjstrandberg]

There is a lot to comment on so I will try to get them all.

"Will you also agree that being bothered by the "mamma's boy" trend that you perceive is your problem?"

I understand how you hear the words that I write and how it's perceived but it's just words. David Deida is a nicer version of what I write. He talks about the same concepts but has made the decision to make it sound more pc if you will so that it can reach a larger audience.

I said this earlier but I'll repeat it, the article is one based on good, decent human qualities but has been perceived as angry, women inferior/men superior because of the way I talked about it and the words that I used. I talked about honest, integrity, strength, courage, not being a victim to your life and so on but it was not well received because of the way that these concepts were presented.

To answer your question, no I wasn't angry when I talked about "mamma's boy" but if I was it would mean there are issues inside of myself that need to be healed and resolved. Over the internet and through text it is very hard to hear tonality so it might appear that I am angry or whatever.

"Obviously you and I have very different views on this subject, and I am okay with that. If I were to never encounter someone with an opposing viewpoint, I would be less likely to question my own beliefs and grow."

That's all that I ask. My intention is to teach guy's to become honest with women and have some integrity.

"But you come from a place of increasing your own significance and ego by laughing and putting down the statement of another to make yourself feel justified."

No, if I were judging the guy then yes I would be putting him down to feel better about myself but that's not what I was doing. I genuinely thought it was funny what he said and the rest of what I said I believed was true.

"I know that becoming offended is my issue, not yours. So I don't ask for you to change what you have written, or even change your views. I do ask, that you consider the alternate viewpoint, and then you can forget it if you determine that it is of no worth to you."

yeah, the same if I got upset or angry at anything mr_A said it would have to do with something that is unbalanced inside of me. I have thought of an alternate view and have lived an alternate view from that of which I hold today.

Mr_A, you seem upset? what you say or do if you met me in person? I'm curious

[Mr_A]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg
yeah, the same if I got upset or angry at anything mr_A said it would have to do with something that is unbalanced inside of me. I have thought of an alternate view and have lived an alternate view from that of which I hold today.

Mr_A, you seem upset? what you say or do if you met me in person? I'm curious

Look I can get angry and do get angry, but most of the time I channel it through humour, passion, conviction, reason. I believe anger comes when you fail to express your view and loose control. I believe anger is just another emotion of many emotions between love and fear. I know what one person would perceive as anger I would perceive as calm or normal, and what I would perceive as anger someone else would perceive it as an unholy rage. Meaning it’s subjective to the individual
You talk about unbalance but I guarantee you that my balance and your balance are not the same. You’re judging people according to your balancing system, and if anyone doesn’t fit into your structure, you label them as unbalanced and move on.
This resolves nothing and if you keep dismissing people’s anger as their problem and fail to learn how to empathise and understand people’s anger, you will stun your personal growth.