Mind games and motivation.

[Waltz]

Hello, I'm new to the forum, this seems like a good place full of intelligent and kind people and i am really considering spending more time here.

Almost a year ago now i joined a course at college. After essentially a year out of education due to personal problems i was pleased to be reunited with a very close friend called Dom and his best friend Hannah. Things went very well, we all quickly grew close to one another. Me and Hannah became especially close, there was something between us but she had a boyfriend who lived away.

I told her that i had feelings for her and that perhaps i was too emotionally attached. I told her that i was ok with her having a boyfriend but i was feeling lonely and emotionally vulnerable because of my parents recent divorce, i couldn't really deal with being too close to her at that time. She seemed ok with it and put it down to sexual frustration between the two of us.

The problem is that the atmosphere between us never changed. Although we could have conversations online for hours, we were tense around each other. I never to this day got over her, and i told her over and over again how i felt but she never gave me a straight answer. She didn't even get freaked out by me, in fact she tried to get closer. But i felt that i could never get as close as i needed to, so it was better if i tried to keep my emotions under wraps.

Later that year our friend Dom committed suicide completly out of the blue. I am still dealing with the guilt of not seeing it coming and somehow helping him. The relationship between me and Hannah got very strange. Around this time we had almost slept together, i actually ended up in her bed but we were caught by her father. she was the one person that i cared about more than anyone else but we couldn't even comfort each other at his funeral because of the guilt and awkwardness.

Months passed and we were essentially best friends. I was never satisfied with the relationship. I was in love with her and sometimes i was sure that she felt the same but i could never make a move on her because she had a boyfriend. She always spoke in terms of respect and getting on with our lives and going to uni. This was absolutely true but i had tried to separate myself emotionally from her but she wouldn't let me go and i was too stupid and in love to resist.

So for almost this entire year i have been trying not to feel how i feel but she hasn't let me go, She tells me over and over again how talented i am and how special i am, i tried to distance myself because i didn't want our inevitable separation to be too difficult.

last Thursday she had a gathering with friends because she was leaving to go to the other end of the country with her boyfriend. Obviously i was in pain about this, but thats life isn't it, we both have to get on with our lives. I was reserved, i sat back and let things happen how she wanted them to happen.

That night she told me that she loved me and she didn't want to leave me but she was going anyway. I couldn't really deal with it, she kissed me and we spent the night talking and holding each other, she fell asleep in my arms with her head on my chest. It was the happiest moment of my life, i told her everything that i felt and asked her to stay. Once again she never gave me a straight answer, i spent all weekend with her, it felt like we were together and i fell more in love with her than i ever have.

last night her boyfriend took her away and I've never felt more alone in my life. I feel like i'm grieving for her, i am so jealous and so angry with the world. I haven't got into a university yet and i have a lot of import decisions to make. For someone with motivational problems this situation has turned me into a complete wreck and i am worried about my future. she was the one that kept me going, I need advice on getting over this and getting on with my life.

[ABdude]

One word, time.

You have a prime example of what a lot in the seduction community (whether you buy into that stuff or not), called oneitis. Almost every guy I know has, or has had a huge case of it, but the good news is that it does not last forever. In time your feelings for her will decline, and you will eventually meet a girl who is able to reciprocate the same feelings you have for her. Until then, best thing you can do is bide your time while going out to meet other girls.

[Waltz]

Originally Posted by ABdude

One word, time.

You have a prime example of what a lot in the seduction community (whether you buy into that stuff or not), called oneitis. Almost every guy I know has, or has had a huge case of it, but the good news is that it does not last forever. In time your feelings for her will decline, and you will eventually meet a girl who is able to reciprocate the same feelings you have for her. Until then, best thing you can do is bide your time while going out to meet other girls.

I feel better now getting this off my chest, i know that i will get over her in time and that it is down to me to make the most of my life but i would have preferred to do it with her.

Ive thought about it, she can still be a friend but i want her as more than that and i have messed it up. I'm sure that she wanted me, maybe i just had to convincer her that i was good enough, that feels cruel and i always felt guilty about the fact that she was with someone..... really my question is: How should i have dealt with the situation better?