How do you decide?

[newdude08]

Say you're married for several years, have a couple of great kids.
The relationship has always been "rocky", lots of fighting, lots of ups & downs.
You go through a separation and you stay separated for several months - after being told by your ex that she doesn't want to continue the marrage anymore about a billion times give or take a few, afer a while you just give up, you love her but she doesn't want to try marrage counseling, etc. Your heart breaks but you heal after a while and several months into the separation you start online dating and actually meet someone you like, you go on several dates and you really start liking this person alot. Then your wife tells you one day she wants to try again and go to marrage counseling. It throws you for a bit of spin, you are dating someone new who you like and she likes you and then your wife that you are separated from tells you that she wants to try again. Man is this a pickle! How do I know if my wife is serious, how can I tell? And if I still feel like that about my wife, how do stop dating this person who I'm really starting to like? If she's into me the way I think she is isn't this going to hurt her? Plus I like her alot too. I still love my wife but I won't stay married just for the kids, it has to be real for me - does that make sense? To make things even more confusing, I have recently gotten physically intimate with my wife/ex a few times - if I have to be honest, the sex was crazier & hotter than it ever was, almost animal like, never experienced anything like it - it was that good and I'm not just saying so to brag or anything. Again, does any of this make sense? If it does your the only one cause I'm totally confused. I'm not asking anyone to make the decision for me because that isn't fair and in the end it is up to me but some advice would be great. Is it normal to date while separated, should I have waited till the divorce? I'm not going steady/dating exclusivly or anything with the girl I just started dating but it feels weird, everything is complicated. I haven't had sex with the girl I'm dating either - wasn't ready for that. My wife knows that I'm dating too. Should I get my head examined because all it does is spin lately! Man this is weird stuff!!! Advice, suggestions, comments, anything would be welcome at this point.

[Honeywith4bees]

I think I can understand where your wife is coming from, she doesn't want to be married to you anymore, until the moment that she sees that you may be finding some one new. She doesn't want you, but she doesn't want you to replace her either. It's pretty common. The "hot sex" thing is too. I feel pretty confident in saying that if you left the new girlfriend and went back to the wife, things would go back to the way they were before. Do yourself, and your wife a favor and cut having the intimacy and focus on the new relationship. You guys deserve to make a clean (and final!) break, and move on. Good luck!

[Mr_A]

Go to marriage counselling, exhaust all avenues to create a passionate and loving relationship, then if your marriage still doesn't work you need to move on. You and she will know that you did everything possible to make the relationship work.

It’s very important you give yourself a time constraint like 90 days to get it together. After the 90 days if the relationship is still stale, take it as a sign for you to get the divorce papers. If you go down this path you have a responsibility to end this relationship before you start another.

All the best

[robc]

If you're wife separated from you, it was her decision.
I'm assuming you didn't just start dating the next day. I don't think it was necessary for you to wait till you were divorced to start dating, everyone's time is different here. Some people take longer to start dating again, some people may start again sooner.

Great sex aside (sex is important, read the other discussion on this very issue), do you feel you trust your wife to be with her again? Someone who separates from you and doesn't want to pursue relationship therapy then changes their mind after a while seems to be indecisive. Did you ask her why she wants to try again? Is she treating you better now? You started dating and you met someone new, how well do you know this person, are you able to compare her to your wife in certain ways (maybe it's too early for a fair comparison). Are you happy? How did you handle the separation, how long were you separated? During the separation, how was your interaction with your wife? Did you notice if she wanted to still be with you or was she cold/distant/apathetic towards you?

So many questions to ask on this.

[The Cloud]

You know what to do. Go for it!