Difficult Family Relationships

[Jamie]

We're born in to our families, we don't choose them (unless at a high spiritual level, we choose our life situation to suit our learning needs). Anhyoo, quite often, I think people within families are just not 'on the same page', or on a very different vibrational frequency to each other.

Sometimes, I guess we need to make changes and even part company..

[Rockchick26]

I totally agree,i was just thinking about this at work last night,actually...i almost feel like i have to seperate from my family and put space between us in order to grow as a person,like i feel i am treated too much like a kid and i'm too controlled and observed,i cant feel free. What are your reasons for wanting to part ways with your family?

[Jamie]

I notice it's a common theme these days, around here..

My sister is very volatile, and reckless, and only seems to care about her own immediate needs and whims, and isn't too concerned how her actions impact on other family members. That's how she is, how she's always been.

She's nothing but trouble for me, and I get nothing positive from the relationship at all.

My mom told me, in the past; the police had to stop one of her BF's coming round with a machete (big knife), he was going to do us all in, in the middle of the night. She's always getting involved with thug-ish gangsta type men. I was attacked by her current partner a few months back, just after she attempted suicide; she left him (for good), and has now taken him back. It's not a conscious decision on my part, I just feel in my gut, that I don't want anything to do with her anymore. Is that wrong?

[Honeywith4bees]

Hey Jamie ~

My sister is the similar to yours in that she is volatile and angry all the time. She "punishes" me frequently by decided to not speak to me for years at a time. I used to be upset and hurt, but now I realize that it is her problem not mine and that I am better off just focusing on my own life. If she came to me asking to be forgiven, I would, in a heartbeat, but for the meantime, I'm just staying away.


Good luck figuring this out!

[coLLege kid07]

The way I look at it...everyone is connected in someway..so if you do happen to seperate from your parents don't feel too bad. And possibly asking yourself this question will help...Can I deal with it and if not what can I do about it? And if through both of these questions the only possible answer you can get is to leave..then I'd just leave.

[Jamie]

In my personal situation, it's not my parents that are the problem, it's my sibling..

[Dan.Linehan]

I wouldn't feel bad separating myself from that situation at all Jamie. Not for a second. We deserve what we choose, until we learn to choose better.

This podcast might be an interesting listen for you. What would Steve's consciousness do if it was swapped into your body tomorrow? I doubt he would feel much guilt about ending negative, dangerous relationships.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Jamie

I just feel in my gut, that I don't want anything to do with her anymore. Is that wrong?

No, it's not wrong. Trust your gut.

I know how difficult such a situation is. Sending you lots of love and a big hug. You're loved and connected no matter what you do, Jamie.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Jamie

...the police had to stop one of her BF's coming round with a machete (big knife), he was going to do us all in, in the middle of the night. She's always getting involved with thug-ish gangsta type men. I was attacked by her current partner a few months back, just after she attempted suicide; she left him (for good), and has now taken him back. It's not a conscious decision on my part, I just feel in my gut, that I don't want anything to do with her anymore. Is that wrong?

Hmmmm, ya think maybe it's a good idea to stay away from this person, who assumes no responsibility for her own or anyone else's well-being, who brings a guy around who wields a machete (I assume you don't live in the Amazon), who gets involved with thugs, and who doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that her boyfriend attacked her brother? Hmmm, it's not a conscious decision, just a gut feeling.......

Jamie, I am sorry for your pain about this, because I reckon you love your sister on at least some level and you are trying to take 100% responsibility and do the right thing for everyone.

But I hope at some point you will be able to read over the post you wrote and see the humor in it! Meanwhile, I also hope you stay far, far away from this hyper-destructive person, even though you do love her.

[tstesen]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Sometimes, I guess we need to make changes and even part company..

I'm not a religious person but AMEN. I have separated myself from my family and couldn't be happier. Every time I feel that twinge of guilt or remorse for not having my family in my life I just remember what they do to me every time I let them in.

Unfortunately for me my family has caused a significant amount of emotional problems for me as an adult. I struggle with interacting with other people especially when it comes to emotional situations. I have a hard time telling people I love them or having physical contact with others as I never had those things as a child. I have an emotional wall up, eight feet thick that makes it very hard for people to break though.

But at least I have a good perspecrtive on how to treat my own children and family. While I struggle to overcome my family's negative legacy its something that is very important to me. I wouldn't want my own children to repeat the mistakes my parents (and then I) made.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to separate yourself from the negative people in your life whether they be friends, business associates or family members. However difficult it might prove to be.

Tanya

[Rockchick26]

Wow Jamie,that situation has to be tough! In that case i would definately create space,leave town,whatever you gotta do. Thats more like a case of self defense!

My situation isnt that bad,i'm pretty sure the problem is inside me more than being "caused" by them.

The hard part about creating space with family members is that when they are gone,they are gone for good and there is no fixing things. I just had a friend whose husband just died a few weeks ago,and her kids are 15 and 20. And i always think now,at least my dad is alive. But its still hard to deal with people,it makes you feel guilty cuz at least you HAVE them in your life,some people would give anything to have their family back.

[Jamie]

Thanks guys!

It is kinda tough, because I have conflicting feelings, pulling in opposite directions, and she is my sister, and I'm sure she's very well meaning, and has a good heart; but she's just so misguided and clueless at times, and seems incapable of taking responsability for her life and actions.

I don't even want to think too much about her, it's her life; I want and need to just focus on my own life, creating my own heaven on earth.

The incident with the machete, I only found out about a few months ago; my mom knew and told me, but also said that my sis had told my mom not to tell me. It's all the secrecy and lies and deception, that seem central to her life story. There's not so much complete total honesty.

So yeah, she's taken him back; he's bought her a new car, they have a new dog too (they have 2 now), it's like he's bought his way back in to her life. I also think, it's all making her more dependent on him. It's all so much BS and lies.

Other conciderations are that I have a little neice; and also there's my mom, who's getting on in years now..

Thanks once again for all your comments.