Little man or big boy?

[Tuumble]

Which phrase to my 5 year old son will boost his self-esteem? Is this that important right now? Is tagging a child with big or little a mistake in terms of his development?

To me, little man, makes me think that he's a mini-me. He is grown up and he is comparing himself to me but is a smaller version.

Big boy still makes him a child but he's learning well.

[Angela]

I think acknowledging and encouraging his growth is a good thing! Even when he thinks he fails, you can let him know how wonderful, creative and productive it is to be courageous and bold -- and let him know that there is no failure, only feedback.

I'm not in favor of "little" and "big." I have a cousin who in his forties is still known as "Little Steven" and he's pretty screwed up. Napoleon complex, you know?

[yossarian]

You can't think of any terms of endearment that aren't related to size or gender?

In this case I doubt the words themselves are what will affect your child, but rather what the choice of word says about your internal attitude.

Ask yourself why you chose those words.. how do you really see your son? The answer to this question is far more important than your actual choice of words. I think your choice of words can be indicative of your own mental concepts which will be transmitted to your child no matter what you do.

Realize that you can't hide who you really are from your child - I mean that in the sense that it is literally impossible no matter how hard you try. Children are instinctually programmed to be able to read their parents like a book. Children are also programmed to automatically absorb every action, mannerism, word, and attitude that you have. Your choice of words is far less important than who you are as a core person.

This includes him absorbing your true opinion and view of him. So if you think of your son as a "little man" he will know it regardless of the words you use.

Personally I think it's wrong to imprint some sort of gender identity on him by using adjective nicknames. Most humans prefer to be called by their own unique name and not by a generic nickname.

[Brutha]

In general it's better to boost the self esteen of someone by praising them for good behavior instead of praising them for being grown up or for being intelligent.

His behavior is under his control. If you praise people for things that they control you both increase confidence and improve behavior.

I would rather address him by his real name than a nickname. In general that's what you do with adults. You call them by their real name.

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by Brutha

I would rather address him by his real name than a nickname.

I was thinking the same thing.

[Remiel]

Treat him like a little boy. He shouldn't be held to grown up standards and should be allowed to do what little boys do. So praise him for good actions, teach him through bad actions and let him make mistakes without the fear of bad things happening when he makes them. I know for myself I learn more from my mistakes when I am allowed to make them than from my successes.

Also if you feel open to it check out "The 5 love languages" by Gary Chapman. Basically he describes 5 different love languages that we all express. Word of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

For myself I have the love language of Physical Touch. The way I receive "I love you" the best is through physical touch. So a back rub, A massage, a foot rub, etc. If all you ever did to me was give me gifts or spend time with me or gave me words of encouragment it wouldn't mean nearly as much to me as a 5 minute backrub periodically.


Oh and as far as nicknames go... depends on the person imo. My younger sister renamed herself ever since she could talk (age 2) to Tigger (Winnie the Pooh). She's almost 13 now and she still goes by Tigger. Heh growing up she would not respond half the time when you called her by her real name, she'd only respond if you called her Tigger.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Tuumble

Which phrase to my 5 year old son will boost his self-esteem? Is this that important right now? Is tagging a child with big or little a mistake in terms of his development?

To me, little man, makes me think that he's a mini-me. He is grown up and he is comparing himself to me but is a smaller version.

Big boy still makes him a child but he's learning well.

He knows he's little because of his age. (He's 3) But calling him a man is a compliment. Big boy always makes him feel good. He's always talking about how big he's going to be when he grows up. I try to explain to him to just enjoy being a boy now.