Can exs be friends?

[mahreenferdous]

Please share your stories.

I've recently broken up with someone and wonder whether exs remain friends. How has it turned out for people who have tried to be friends?

Does it depend on how you break up? What if the break up isn't amicable?

[Excellent Lodestar]

My experience is first, that you can Never go back. The mind can play tricks telling you you "just" want to be friends when in fact, you want your old life back. It's Natural, I guess. That said, you can be friends after enough time has gone by-- usually later than sooner.

My rule is that If you can see them with a new love and be Genuinely happy for them, then we can talk "friendship". Because that's what friends do, they feel good for us when we are happy.
my take
Peace

[Mewwy]

There are cases where exes become friends again. Their interaction possesses some traits, eg. Forgiveness towards each other, completely free of grudge towards each other's mistakes and shortcomings, and real acceptance that no romance will ever spark again.

Zero awkwardness plus really easy going atmosphere while interacting with each other is most important after all.

These things can't always be achieved by absolute hard work because it should be natural and not enforced.

My answer is yes, it's possible to become true friends with exes. But not always...

[DayInTheLife]

I am currently trying to be friends with an ex.

We had always told each other that if we broke up we would do anything we could to be friends afterwards. So when we initially broke up, we quickly began to visit each other and soon started sleeping together again and after a few weeks we were pretty much back where we started.

So we took a real break. No contact. In the past two years we've made a few attempts to be friends, and always ended up sleeping together. Finally we just said goodbye one day and I decided I would leave it to her to contact me if she wanted. The months passed, then a year and I assumed we were never to see each other again.

But about a month ago she texted me out of the blue and wanted to see how I'm doing. We chatted on the phone and eventually set up a visit, with some ground rules: no alcohol, and no physical contact beyond a hug.

It seems to be working okay so far and I have no desire to sleep with her. I value her friendship very much, she is my only true confidant. I am comfortable with the idea of her seeing someone else, but I don't know how comfortable she is with my seeing other women. It remains to be seen.

[mahreenferdous]

So the real danger is that you may end of sleeping together? And not really breaking up?

[garentee]

In my experience, I am friends with a lot of my ex girls. I find that I can only really be in a relationship with a women when I am friends with them as well as lovers. Thus if the romance sours and the friendship is worth it then we stay as friends.

[Alexjstrandberg]

yeah you can be friends with ex's but few are able to handle that. It is rare to find a girl (don't know if you are a guy or a girl) that has good enough self esteem to be able to mature enough and not vindictive after you break up. One who can can accept that you weren't compatible together and right for one another and feels no anger or resentment that can accept it and move on and still be friends.

People like that are very few in numbers in this world. Breakups are not easy to ones ego and people can't handle them most of the time. They either flaunt their new relationship in front of you or make passive aggressive comments if you get one first.

Most people try to remain friends after a break up because they either feel guilty for something or they think it is what they are supposed to do (even if they don't like the other person).

A lot of people stay friends in hopes that it will turn back into something more than just friends which ends up only causing more pain. Something in their egos won't let them accept that this person is still the same person they were when you dated them and will be the same person if you rekindle that love. And if they do get back together, the same problems that caused the breakup in the first place will be waiting there for them.

Ask yourself a couple of questions before deciding to be friends. Would you want to be friends with a person like if you had never dated them? Do you genuinely want to be friends or hoping that it will become something more? If you get a new relationship while being friends will they be able to handle it maturely?

If not, then don't worry about being friends with that person because it will make your life frustrating ending up with more resentment between the both of you.