Having a big problem about a girl, pleasee help, need lots of good advice

[richie111]

Hi everyone, I am having a problem with this girl and need lots of help.
Here's my story from the start.
I am in my late teens, and have never been in a relationship earlier.
I am currently doing my engineering in computer science and along side running a successfull business with 2 employes and quite successful financially in early age.
I was a carefree, very confident, and above average looks guy.
I have success in every part of my life except relationship.
Here's how everything started, I met a girl with not so good looks through a common friend, For whom I was not at all attracted. But lack of opposite sex friends made me start a friendship with her, just for the sake of it.
She was a complete negative personality girl with nothing much in her. After we met, she started sending me lots of sms and calls. I use to talk with her for hours on and on.later our friendship became strong and we started taking strolls in park for hours. all we use to do was talking on every topic on earth. She started flirting with me and even i encouraged her and our flirting kept on increasing. I taught the girl a lot about being positive and living the life fully. she was very attracted to me (atleast I felt that).
Then I started making mistakes, I thought I will never make this girl my gf, so y nt ask her for casual sex, I did that, which she rejected. But I didnt cared much anyway. but we continued our friendship which was becoming strong. I was enjoying the friendship a lot and really found out she is a confident, ethical and a hell lot of challenging girl. The girl had lots of guyfriends I discovered, even more than the number of friends I have (I am very social with guy friends and I have a group of very good close friends)
The girl always hurted my ego one way or the other and I really hated her for that, but thats exactly made her want more. She used to challenge me a lot in games, and many times I defeated her and she defeated me too sometimes.
Our flirting was increasing all the time, with me being more and more attracted to her. Her personality was completely different than me. I was happy that I started having feelings for her and she reciprocated the same way. But I didnt wanted to make her my gf because she was not good looking and not really my type of girl. She was good to talk, but highly superficial.
I told her I am getting feelings for her, which I dont want, so we should stop talking and even took a week break, but I found she has become my need now. We carried on flirting and my feelings for her became intense.
Atlast, I gave up and thought that I should make her my gf, irregard of her not being class 'a' attractive.
I decided I just cant stay without her and one day went to her class and took her with me to the park and said the words 'I love you' (thats the first time I ever said that to any girl).
Till this time I was very confident, full of life and highly positive person.
SHE REJECTED me, saying she loves someone else. Everything came down on me and I was very hurt, bcoz she never told me that, even when I had given her lots of hints before i told her i love her.
I was very very hurt, because she was not just my love but also a friend with whom I shared a lot abt my life and she did the same, except abt her love.
I really stopped talking to her, she called me the other day and told me sorry a lot of time.
While I was having intense hatred with her, that i wanted to slap her hard and take the revenge (I knw this is a wong thing). Because she tried a lot in getting my interest and I was hurt that y she did all that wen she didnt wanted anything more from me. she said she just wanted me as a good friend.
She agreed her mistake and apologised.
And being the sensitive person I am, I accepted her apology but my ego didnt allowed me to confess to even myself that she was my real first love which was unsuccessfull. I even confessed to her that I wanted to slap her and I am sorry for that.
I also told her that it was my ego which made me want her, but i never really loved her.which was something i said just to convince more to myself than her , Part of my thinking was responsible for this. I never accepted defeat and had always got a lot of success in everything i do.
I have a habit of never quitting. later wen i talked to her, I discovered
that the guy she loves has clearly told her that he would never marry her due to family problems and had never commited to her. I told her that the guy dont love you and have since never commited to her and its better to leave her. but she was a heck of a stubborn girl, she even said things like she couldnt love anyone else in her life nw. The guy she loved is 5 years older to both of us and is very successfull in his life, definately above average. I even told her I will help her get her love, but she said 'no'. II told her that i will be with her through all thick and thin, for her entire life. but no positive response.
The girl also has a track record of 6-7 guys before me who had told her 'I love you' and she rejected all.
She is intensely in love with that guy.
I started having strong feelings again hence i stopped talking to her and started dating some girls. but was never able to divert myself.
I had become highly underconfident in my life, had also faced a stagnancy in my business. all my expansion plans I never did, just because my personal life was in dumps.
but i was unable to press everything inside me and after 2-3months started talking to her again (we did see each other daily due to common classes and also had casual talks just for formality as we had lots of common friends) and she started her usual chit chat again. again in just two days I told her abt the intensity of my love to her. I told her how my life spiinned due to her, how much pain i feel everytime i saw her and all abt my emotions. I even started caring less abt my family and friends and became a negative person. The only reason was that I was not ready to accept defeat in love.
Even after showing trmemndous intensity, her answer was the same we can be good friends, nothing more. she again apologised and all.
I again planned to revenge in my mind, but again forgived wen i talk to her.
The biggest problem is i dont want to let go or accept defeat, I just cant stand it. No matter how many times i decide to let go, I cant.
Infact it has become egostic nw. (I am not at all sure abt tht, but thats how i am feeling nw)
I just cant let go. I strongly feel i cant be defeated by a girl like her.
Neither is she ready to let go her love.
I was always honest and a good ethical person. But nw I think its all futile.
I have recently lot a read abt pick up artist and decided to try all the tricks on her. My friends say she is the type of girl impossible to get because she has a hell lot of guy friends and knows everything abt guys.
She cant quit on that guy and I cant quit on her.
Please help and tell me what should i do? Should i try harder? I have treid to quit many times, but its impossible for me.
Please help.

[JSB]

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but she doesn't love you, and you can't convince her to love you --- it's not like winning a debate.

Instead of suffering over this girl, focus your energy on finding another girl you like who IS interested in you. You will feel better about yourself, and you will be able to enjoy a relationship.

[mahreenferdous]

I would recommend something like memory tagging. Remember a time when you really hated her or disliked her as a person. Tag that feeling or memory in your head to her. Think of just that feeling and nothing else when you think of her.

She is clearly not interested and you would find it easier to meet someone new. Also if you were meant to be it would have happened.

[blondeDO12]

Hey dear, you are young and (here comes the cliche), there is alot out there for you, I promise. OK, props for being able to see past your second brain and falling in love with someone for the real them, but DO NOT LET HER BREAK YOU! It hurts, but if she loves someone else, she may inevitably be in the same situation you are, remember that. It hurts, I know, but eventually you will learn from this and in future relationships you'll be better. I'm a realist and logical for the most part, but things happen for a reason. YOU will change, YOUR priorities and wants and needs will change, YOU will fall in love with someone fit for you later...just let this one go.

[richie111]

Originally Posted by JSB

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but she doesn't love you, and you can't convince her to love you --- it's not like winning a debate.

Instead of suffering over this girl, focus your energy on finding another girl you like who IS interested in you. You will feel better about yourself, and you will be able to enjoy a relationship.

You're right, but what I feel is that If I had decided to leave that girl earlier, I would never have developed myself personally, professionally and every other way. Trying harder and harder is improving my qualities.

Originally Posted by mahreenferdous

I would recommend something like memory tagging. Remember a time when you really hated her or disliked her as a person. Tag that feeling or memory in your head to her. Think of just that feeling and nothing else when you think of her.

She is clearly not interested and you would find it easier to meet someone new. Also if you were meant to be it would have happened.

Originally Posted by blondeDO12

Hey dear, you are young and (here comes the cliche), there is alot out there for you, I promise. OK, props for being able to see past your second brain and falling in love with someone for the real them, but DO NOT LET HER BREAK YOU! It hurts, but if she loves someone else, she may inevitably be in the same situation you are, remember that. It hurts, I know, but eventually you will learn from this and in future relationships you'll be better. I'm a realist and logical for the most part, but things happen for a reason. YOU will change, YOUR priorities and wants and needs will change, YOU will fall in love with someone fit for you later...just let this one go.

Thanks a lot for your inputs, they are helping me a lot. Infact I am reading it again and again and its helping me.

I think that I will stay detached and try to improve myself in every way I can and take it as a challenge which will help me grow. I'll keep trying all the different ways and improve myself furthur. (like my sense of humour, being more masculine etc)
Am I right?
Thanks a lot for advice.

[MaxLight]

Hey richie

There's a few things I'd say about this. First of all you dont seem to understand what attracts a women. Telling her you'll always be there for her and that you love her doesn't attract her, you can say that after going out with her for some time, but right now it will come across needy or obessive. You need to be cool. She's attracted to somebody you might think of as a jerk or at least undeserving and it might seem puzzling to you why she likes him.

Well to a girl he's older and offers her validation, ie if an older guy likes her it's social proof to her that she's desirable, he also is in his own "frame" so to speak, ie. when she's with him she'll be in his world in some sense if you can get what I mean. It means he doesn't need anything from her. You appear to need something from her.

Women say they want commitment, honestly, love etc and they do. BUT this isn't what attracts them, this will keep them, positive qualities like these are certainly positive, but during the attraction phase the girl will like a confident, outgoing, un-needy, challenging guy who can make her feel safe.

So my first point is for you to read about what attracts women. What I have said here is a good outline, but there are plenty of online resources that will tell you exactly what attracts women, you seem to have the wrong slant.

Secondly, she seems to need validation quite a lot. You should question whether you want to be with a girl like this. It's not nice of her to kinda "string you along" if she's not interested in you, she's simply getting validation from it. So understand that, you showing her an interest is making her feel attractive and important and thats a big reason she hangs around with you. However that definitely will not make her attracted to you. This kinda girl is attracted to a guy who is tricky to get, whose validation therefore becomes all the more coveted.

Thirdly I would suggest you see why you like this girl. You say she is a challenge, well plenty of women are a challenge. It isn't real for you to be into her so singlmindedly, try and see how so many women out there are challenging and fun, really see it and you will have a more healthy perspective on this girl.

So to summarise, don't be so available for her. Don't be so ready to say you love her or need her. Do things on your own terms, definitely figure out what attracts women. If you are less available, ie you meet with her only when you want to and not when you think she wants to, you may grow a little more distant but she will grow more attracted. And develope a realistic sense of this girls uniquenss and importance, which is that she isn't unique you simply need to meet more girls and look for the qualities you like in this girl in other girls

Hope this helps, all the best

[richie111]

Hi, thanks a lot for all your advice. I have broken all contacts from her. I even told her not to call or text msg me and neither I would. I did send her my very first long poem which I had written for her.
That's it. I think now I will start my recovery process and make myself open for new healthy relationships. Myconfidence was on the roof before this thing and it degraded to zero now. I'll develop that too again and I will make sure I never neglect my business and studies as I did during this phase. I hope I am doing right. Any inspiring words for me? Did I do the right thing?

[frajilthunder]

Originally Posted by richie111

Did I do the right thing?

I'd say yes, except the part about sending her the poem. "Don't contact me, I won't contact you. BTW here's a love poem." WTF? Forget this woman. Move on.

[The Cloud]

I would recommend you stop trying. This is obviously a lost cause that is only causing pain to both parties involved. Real love doesn't revolve around pain and vengeance, only desire does that.

You are who you are, and she is who she is. It is nobody's fault that you haven't "succeeded." She didn't defeat you, she was simply being who she was. Would you ask her to be anything else? Would you really love her if she became other than what she was for you? Your victory would then come at the cost of destroying that which you had won. The same with yourself. You are who you are, and you can't change that for her, not for love or money or power. So your current situation is nobody's fault, because nobody involved could be other than they were or do other than they did.

[richie111]

Update:

It's 9 month old post of mine. I had broken all ties and wonderfully recovered and taken my life to new heights.
I almost feel like laughing that I had posted all that stuff. I was so immature.
I am dating a beautiful, smart and wonderful girl now.
My business profit broke all my past records and my grades have improved dramatically.
Thanks to all for the good advice I got here.

Life is really fun. What I learned from that experience was that it made me a very strong person in my life. And I also understand the true meaning of love.

Thanks a lot everyone!
All repped!

[forynav]

Holy WOW! Your story is an exact replica of mine. This is sooooooooooooooo a synchronicity from Source, giving me Guidance and Relief.

Thanks!

[Breaker]

Im sorry to say it champ, but you will never have that girl, atleast not untill your lost ALOT of your feelings for her. Pickupstuff is good, actually im a fulltime coach, but also in that buisness there's a saying that pretty much means that if you love her so much and had rejections, your chances are extremely small.

And by the way, you put it out as if your letting your standards down and actually doing her a favor by wanting to be with her, when she then rejects you its like having a elefant jump up and down on your ego and pride. But dude.. Its not about lowering your standarts. its not about her feeling gratefull, its about you making up your mind in a earlier process of the game, cause at this late point there is pretty much nothing you can do.

So my advice is: forget about her. Try to be around her as little amount of time as humanly possible and dont pick up phone calls etc.

Good luck champ, know love is a whore sometimes

[Liveformx64]

Dating Advice For Men | How to Attract Women and Use Pick Up Lines

This guy saved me from possibly committing suicide, and realize how stupid I was.

Learning how attraction works is one of the first steps to taking personal responsibility, and really got me on the road to making me a better me. If you are serious about helping yourself, get this program.

You don't have a choice but to deal with your feeling right now, but you do have a choice of how you are going to dig yourself out of the hole.

The above system will help you attract the women who like you for who you really are and to truly be yourself. I don't want it to seem like a sales pitch, but I believe it can help you.

[richie111]

Originally Posted by richie111

Update:

It's 9 month old post of mine. I had broken all ties and wonderfully recovered and taken my life to new heights.
I almost feel like laughing that I had posted all that stuff. I was so immature.
I am dating a beautiful, smart and wonderful girl now.
My business profit broke all my past records and my grades have improved dramatically.
Thanks to all for the good advice I got here.

Life is really fun. What I learned from that experience was that it made me a very strong person in my life. And I also understand the true meaning of love.

Thanks a lot everyone!
All repped!

Originally Posted by Breaker

Im sorry to say it champ, but you will never have that girl, atleast not untill your lost ALOT of your feelings for her. Pickupstuff is good, actually im a fulltime coach, but also in that buisness there's a saying that pretty much means that if you love her so much and had rejections, your chances are extremely small.

And by the way, you put it out as if your letting your standards down and actually doing her a favor by wanting to be with her, when she then rejects you its like having a elefant jump up and down on your ego and pride. But dude.. Its not about lowering your standarts. its not about her feeling gratefull, its about you making up your mind in a earlier process of the game, cause at this late point there is pretty much nothing you can do.

So my advice is: forget about her. Try to be around her as little amount of time as humanly possible and dont pick up phone calls etc.

Good luck champ, know love is a whore sometimes

Originally Posted by Liveformx64

Dating Advice For Men | How to Attract Women and Use Pick Up Lines

This guy saved me from possibly committing suicide, and realize how stupid I was.

Learning how attraction works is one of the first steps to taking personal responsibility, and really got me on the road to making me a better me. If you are serious about helping yourself, get this program.

You don't have a choice but to deal with your feeling right now, but you do have a choice of how you are going to dig yourself out of the hole.

The above system will help you attract the women who like you for who you really are and to truly be yourself. I don't want it to seem like a sales pitch, but I believe it can help you.

Read my last update post please
Anyway, all repped.

[Parthon]

That's awesome richie! Great to hear that you had such a breakthrough on such a difficult area of life.


ps, what was your secret?

[richie111]

Originally Posted by Parthon

That's awesome richie! Great to hear that you had such a breakthrough on such a difficult area of life.


ps, what was your secret?

Recovery had its own story, no secret though.
It was my first love experience and my emotional nature made it a real hell for me. After breaking all the contacts with her, I felt life has no meaning and I am the biggest looser, I even felt like love has no meaning and its pure waste.

At first, I didnt do anything except going out with some friends and smoke 20 Cancer sticks a day and lots of vodka.
This continued for a month, I didnt feel any interest in dating, but formed a new group of all those who did nothing except, smoking and drugging themselves. I distant myself from my close freinds, because they reminded me of 'the girl'. After forming this new group I started just enjoying myself by lowering my conciousness. failed in few of my subjects and also my business was at its lowest, It made loss for two monts consecutively and I didnt even discover until a few months. During that phase I understood lots of new people. Earlier I would have discarded this people as just lazy unfocused bumps with no goal in life and would never even be friends with them, but I discovered every individual has his own story which leads them to where they are in their life. I had no plans for coming out of it nor bringing any change in myself or them. I enjoyed the unfocused view of life, I learned guitar and stuff and discovered how music can change your moods drastically. I was the worst drinker of all, I hardly got drunk with 'old monk' or tequila's, all i did was bet everyone in drinking challenge and get drinks for free. (Obviously no one was ready to bet later hehe)
We organised some cool events, which turned out to be a hit in our local region, we also sold some second hand cars to get some extra cash. We had some fights with other groups and all the rubbish you can think of. But I had lots of fun in that too. My Social skills improved really good, I never though twice talking to a girl. (most of the girls I found in that phase were dull and dumb, yet beautiful) I also transformed myself to a jerk from a geek.
Though I enjoyed with them initially, later I felt like a big part of me missing, I started to miss my old self. before this phase I was really immature about life, being carefree helped me see the Bigger picture that life is not all about earning good grade's. But I missed how high self esteem I had, how determined and confident I was about my life.
I thought of transforming, Read some PD books, read the Steve's blog and forums. First thing I did after two months was to leave Cancer Sticks, started with 7 day trial, then 30days and then 6 months, where I left it completely. Reduced taking alcohol during that process too. Started my early jogging as I used to do early. Started being active in studies and business. Though I kept contact with my 'New Group' I also started being good friends with my old buddies. Watching me 2 of my friends also left ciggerates.
Slowly due to less time I forgot everything abt the girl and all I did was work, study and socialise.
The girl I had feelings failed in exams and had to take a 'Drop' of one year.
I found a very smart and beautiful girl in my class. I felt trmendous attraction and started usual talking [My Social skills I learned during my bad phase helped me so tremendously] I started attending all my classes and workhard. [Initially, I did this only to meet that new girl Daily ]
I started enjoying my work and also studies, I loved my juggling and also my highly expanded social nature helped me to keep me entertained.
I slowly came in track of my life and started dating the new girl.
I concentrated heavily in business and promised myself to take care of it. I also started taking a lot of care of my family and old friends, I discovered love is not only romantic but it has various colurs and natures.
I also made a short film with my friends for a contest and won the second prize, it helped me express myself creatively. I became a Good hearted and confident strong indiviual, a higher level of Jerk and Geek,
My funky group is still the same but my point of view towards them has changed a lot. I know they are the ones as steve said leaving there dog free and not giving directions, just to enjoy life as it comes. I dont see them as waste anymore, while I still give direction to my Dog and keep it on path But I also let it free sometimes.
Life is really fun and its really what we make it, dont allow anyone to spoil the amazing experience. Every feeling of pain is the seed of new discovery.

[Parthon]

Wow, that's a fantastic story.

I really related to what you said about the new people you met. It suprising how so many people look down on them, but they all have their own reasons for being there. They are unique people, and often it's not because they or lazy or because they've given up, but because they have different values to the office shmoes.

Thanks for sharing, I'm going to go and see if I can find out something new from people I don't normally know.

[forynav]

Thank you richie! That is an inspirational AND down-to-earth story, my man. Well done

[Boreas]

Good words and a good story, stay on the good path and keep us updated.