Venting sexual frustrations

[Transilient]

Mark,

Your situation is not unique. I am sure at times you feel like you are all alone.

I few things I picked up on is "doomsday" " I never threaten to leave".

These two examples prove that it is on your mind.

I believe you want to work this out. There is most likely deeper issues for you and your wife.

My advice is to seek professional level guidance ( I mean a marriage counselor that specializes in sexual matters)

You are reaching out to a caring audience, however I don't know if anyone is a certified counselor.

Hang in there. Get a third party non-biased professional to help.

[mattpd]

Sexual frustration sucks!

I was in a relationship like this, it did my head in. The quality of my life diminished on a cumulative basis, never again.

So here is my terrible terrible mean and nasty advice:

You're ****ed! Unless, you dramatically are able to pull off a bit of a miracle.

The only thing has worked for me in this situation, is breaking up and seeing her less often. What certainly doesn't work is guilt, threats and sulking; it will actually is make it worse and kill her sex drive even more.

I've got say that my last few relationships the women have hounded me for more sex, and I'd only ever have it that way. It's wicked! It's a bit tiring though, sometimes I make up bad excuses to get out of it.

It comes down to two things, her natural libido and how you acted during the initial stages of the dating process. In my experience it is possible with the right skills to turn the balance in your favour if you know what you are doing, rather than just relying on nature.

At a bare minimum you need become more independent. Start exercising, do more stuff on the weekends, and get busy and occupy your time more, and improve yourself. Being rejected for sex continually will absolutely kill your self-esteem and your self-confidence and will turn you into a fully grown adult human being with the mental strength of consciousness of a 11 year old, your decision making ability will become completely weak.

This is so common, and this problem is so sad, because it can be easily preventable, but no, we want to spend time fixing it, rather then preventing it!

[ken nubo]

Damn, that stinks that she doesn't want to put out.

Haha...

Well, my solution would be get a "friend with benefit" (NO HOOKERS, PLEASE)

Hook up a couple times a week, satisified your need as a man, and what your wife doesn't know don't hurt her.

Alternatively, you could sit her down, and have sex with her while watching Sex and The City (or some sort of chick flick)

That's my 2 cents, take it with jest.

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[angies]

I have not have time to read through all the answers, so forgive me if someone has already said the same thing.

I was in a similar relationship. For the most part of our relationship my partner always has higher libido than me. I think it has a lot to do with what else going on in your life, men has the ability to just shut out other issues and concentrate on sex while women can be easily distracted by their own thoughts. I can say that many times I get put off when my partner "pestered" me for sex, but since we are in a loving relationship, I tend to just "let him do it" to get it over and done with.

However things changed dramatically in the last few years. Quite accidentally I went through a transformation, due to a bad experience at a hairdresser, I decided to stop going to hairdresser and grow my hair long. As my hair gets longer I keeps receiving so many compliments. This follows by me hanging out with all the "beautiful" people at work and then joining the gym etc. Cut long story short, I somehow prettied myself up and receive much complements and attention from guys at work. This opens up a different set of problems that I posted on another thread. But the main thing is as I feel more and more "sexy", my sex drive is also improving. All of the sudden I was the one who initiate sex instead of my partner. Our sex life has improved dramatically as the results. My partner now also start going to the gym to make himself attractive for me.

This may sound a bit vain but I think that couple can get complacent once they have been in a relationship for a long time and feel that they don't need to attract each other any more. The other thing is if you are looking good, your wife will be worried that if she does not make you happy there will be many women out there who would. So start