Jealousy from my SO talking to other guys

[25AndJustBeginning]

A little while ago I observed a girl (approx. 24 y/o) talking to 2 guys. It appeared completely casual and I don't doubt that it was.

It made me wonder that if I was her b/f (not the issue at hand) if I would view it differently. So I assumed that I was her b/f and instantly I viewed the situation differently- I started to get suspicious, insecure, and jealous.

This is a problem I've had in past relationships and I realize I need to get past it but I don't know how. Why do I get jealous over casual conversations between my g/f and another guy? How do I get past this? Has anyone else overcome this themselves?

Any help is appreciated. Thanx.

[kboleski]

I have not been in the situation of being jealous, but I have been in the situation where my bf was jealous, so I will give a little advice there. It is normal to talk to other people whether they are male or female. Simply getting jealous b/c your gf is talking to other guys is probably insecurity. Figure out why you don't like it. Be honest with yourself. It is ok to talk to others. It is ok for you to talk to other girls. The difference is if your gf is touching, overly flirting, sitting on the lap, teasing them with sexual discussion, etc..... You have to trust, period. Normally, people just talk. Women can make bad choices, flirt too much, etc.. So can men. So, just live and enjoy your life, enjoy her and all she provides and don't worry about the rest. If something should happen to make you question her intentions, discuss it with her, but NEVER show her your insecurity. Women want to be trusted, especially when they aren't doing anything wrong. That was a instant turnoff for me and many of my friends if we were ever confronted with that type of jealousy. It doesn't do any good and will never help the relationship. She is her own person and you need to respect that. Don't be the kind of guy that needs for the woman to always prove her faithfulness. That is actually controlling and really, you will only attract women that will stand for being treated like that. That type of woman is probably not the type of woman who is self confident, independent, knows who she is and what she wants. Women who have it together won't tolerate that for long. Just my 2 cents.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by 25AndJustBeginning

A little while ago I observed a girl (approx. 24 y/o) talking to 2 guys. It appeared completely casual and I don't doubt that it was.

It made me wonder that if I was her b/f (not the issue at hand) if I would view it differently. So I assumed that I was her b/f and instantly I viewed the situation differently- I started to get suspicious, insecure, and jealous.

This is a problem I've had in past relationships and I realize I need to get past it but I don't know how. Why do I get jealous over casual conversations between my g/f and another guy? How do I get past this? Has anyone else overcome this themselves?

Any help is appreciated. Thanx.

Well... if there is an insecurity where does it come from? Did you have a situation in your past where you were cheated on? What triggers those emotions? I find for myself that when there is a problem its because something happened in the past that has rooted itself there. When I react based on the situation its because I am letting my past guide my present actions. When I identify the past problem and where it came from I find I gain a freedom from it.

I hope this helps a bit.

[Holistic Star]

A couple of questions:

1. When you feel jealous where do you feel it in your body? Where do you physically feel the intensity?

2. What thoughts do you have to think to make yourself feel jealous?
(What I mean by that is, if I see my partner talking to someone else and laughing I just assume they've said something funny - what do I have to think to make myself feel jealous of the situation?)

[lasti]

Jealousy means especially that you want to have what other people have. It's like envy but it refers to persons.

Two possibilities:

1. You might be jealous cause you feel that these guys have characterics you don't have. For example they are funny and make your girlfriend laugh, while you can't make her laugh so often. This could mean that your unsecure because you don't feel self-confident.

2. You might be jealous because you actually want to "have" your girlfriend (like a possession) as you don't want to lose her. This would be another unsecurity: You are afraid of letting go.

Just suggestions.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

1. When you feel jealous where do you feel it in your body? Where do you physically feel the intensity?

I think this is an excellent question.

[25AndJustBeginning]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

A couple of questions:

1. When you feel jealous where do you feel it in your body? Where do you physically feel the intensity?

2. What thoughts do you have to think to make yourself feel jealous?
(What I mean by that is, if I see my partner talking to someone else and laughing I just assume they've said something funny - what do I have to think to make myself feel jealous of the situation?)

1. It happens pretty much instantly. It's a general feeling of anxiety all over. I start to become hyper-aware of my surroundings and definitely stop thinking rationally. I'm aware of what's happening but the effect is so strong that I tend not to be able to focus on anything but the effect.

2. I've been thinking about the thoughts part and I've come to the conclusion that it's because I feel inadequate. If someone makes her laugh then I start w/ an avalanche of thoughts about how I don't do that (when I really do) and how he is more attractive to her than I am at that moment. It's quite unpleasant.

*. I've been making strides toward overcoming this as of late, all a result from everyone's advice. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP, it's nice to hear it form other people & to just use this site as a sounding board even if nobody listens. Thx again.