From Secure to Impending Homeless in 3 Easy Steps

[Isis Kali]

I moved into a friend's house in Nov 2005, thinking that I would be able to settle here and make a home for myself for at least a good two years. They wanted a roommate, and I needed someplace to go to heal from some traumatic incidences at an old job.

I love my home. Really, really love it. It's one side of a two family house. My friend's family, consisting of him mother, father, and younger brother, live on the other side. The house is in a really wealthy neighborhood, where we don't even have to lock our doors, and I'm located literally two minutes from a Whole Foods, 6 minute walk to the train, and 10 min to a wonderful, sweet little downtown area.

I met his mother, and got a weird feeling from her. My best friend, who had set up this whole arrangement, thought the world of this woman. She's a fundamentalist Christian, but is fun to be around, and seemed very open and honest. But something still didn't feel right.

It turns out that my fears were well-founded. This family is a horrible, terrible nest of anger, betrayal, and emotional drama. Unknown to me, she'd been doing and saying awful things to my roommate, trying to get me forced out, while looking me in my face and acting like she liked me...and even SIDED with me. My roommate was turning mean and sullen, and I didn't know why. He always yelled and snapped at his mother, and she seemed to always be after money from him. Because of her browbeating, he's grown up very passive-agressive, and he'd do and say things that would make no sense.

Well, it turns out that there's a whole bunch of ways that this woman has screwed with his money, and him. While I thought that he was turning hateful, it so happened that he was trying to keep me in the house (I'm an extremely good tenant who is very clean, quiet, and paid my rent in full, a tidy sum, for the final 5 months of the year! I did this in order to, ahem, be secure ), and was feeling like I was being ungrateful. Of course I was...I had no idea any of this drama was happening!

So, now I have to move by the middle of January, because he's sick of his mother and her antics and is going to move himself. He's taking his younger brother with him, hopefully, because he doesn't want him in this environment.

But, heh, here lies the rub...I've been looking for work. I took a year off to recover from the work stuff, got a settlement, and saved some of it. Not as much as I'd like, though, because I paid things off with it. No matter how many resumes I send out, though, and how menial the job, I'm not getting them. And I have an excellent CV, and an excellent skill set. The NYC job market is just that insane. I've even had interviews, but just didn't get the jobs. I've tried to get club dancing gigs, and those aren't even coming through. Now, my money is almost gone. I think I'll have enough for a deposit, but I'm really worried and sick over the things that I've found out over the past week, and am getting a bit panicky. I'm hoping I don't end up in a shelter. I'm honestly contemplating becoming an escort or a webcam girl, because I'm so desperate. I don't know how I'll rent an apartment without a real job (which I don't want, because I've been assaulted, sexually harrassed multiple times...yeah, no good), and I can't get hired.

I believe that this is Spirit telling me that, hey, you're not supposed to be walking the path of being a normal 9 to 5er, and you need to strike out on your own, using your skills to survive. That's all well and good, but I don't want to be homeless! I have no one I can move in with; I can't go back home, because my sister is emotionally abusive, and I'm just...

I could really use some support, advice, anything. Please. I wonder why Spirit has presented me with this!

[legend]

Isis, what I am hearing is you are much stronger that you think you are.
You are never tested beyond your strength level. If you give into the easy path of easy money (escort, web cam, etc.) it will only set you back years maybe even lifetimes on your journey. I know this as truth.
Shelters are there for a purpose maybe you are supposed to meet someone at one follow the path before you be true to Love and understanding and I can say with 100% confidence that you will be fine.

I'm sending some Love your way to help in these tough times
Let your true strength shine

Much Love

[Radical]

Try and get help from your parents, or any other relatives you may have.

Life sucks sometimes!

[ahimel]

You need a hug!

This idea just popped into my head while I was reading your post, so I'm going to put it here in case it's important. Is it possible that NYC is not where you need to be, at least right now? It seems like a lot of your current problems might be solved by a stay in the midwest to get back on your feet. Cost of living is much lower in (say) Denver -- market rent is $1000 - $1500 for a 3/2 house. There are areas of the midwest (I don't think Denver is one of them, but I haven't looked) where the job market looks much better. You have a much lower chance of getting assaulted just because you don't have a place to go. And I think it might give you more space to find not-9-to-5 jobs, and figure out what methods of income generation work for you.

Maybe not, though. It may have been my prejudices that caused that thought to arrive (I like Colorado) and not divine intervention.

Anyway, I think one way or another, you definitly need to get out. God couldn't be any clearer if He threw a brick.

Steve has an article on making life decisions. We tend to get too focused on what's the "right" decision, and what it takes to maximize happiness or income or free time. He says instead to focus on what choice will cause you to experience things you want to experience. You do NOT want to be experiencing life in this house anymore. So you have to make a different decision.

I had that same impulse a couple months ago -- I quit my 9-5 job with no clear direction, but just because I needed to get out. Now I'm unemployed and one mortgate payment away from being homeless... but I'm so much happier, despite the fear and worry. So give it a shot. Do what you need to do.

And PM me if you need a hug.

[Isis Kali]

Thank you so much, everyone!

Radical, I wish I could, but I have no one, family-wise, besides my sister (who is emotionally abusive, and prefers to pretend that I don't exist) and my grandfather. He's waiting on a land sale to close, and then I should be getting some money, but there seems to be lots of problems with the land itself, and it's holding things up. So, I don't have any family to turn to.

Ahimel, wow. What you did was very brave. I kinda did the same thing, of course, taking a year off to really get myself back together. See, I wouldn't want to move further away without some more money saved up- at least $5000. I sent a couple of resumes out to L.A. just for the heck of it. Frankly, the Midwest scares me a bit My whole life is theater, the arts, fashion...I don't know. NYC and LA are probably my best bests for that. Then again, I need to start thinking out of the box, and maybe going somewhere else would be the thing to do.

[ahimel]

Originally Posted by Isis Kali

See, I wouldn't want to move further away without some more money saved up- at least $5000.

Why is that? You don't have to answer me, but you should answer it for yourself. If you're moving to a different place to save money, refusing to move until you've saved money seems backwards.

I sent a couple of resumes out to L.A. just for the heck of it. Frankly, the Midwest scares me a bit My whole life is theater, the arts, fashion...I don't know. NYC and LA are probably my best bests for that. Then again, I need to start thinking out of the box, and maybe going somewhere else would be the thing to do.

We're not totally lacking in cultural amenities out here. We left the prairie skirts and covered wagons behind a couple years ago, and almost all of the roads are paved.

Seriously, I agree that NYC and LA will probably be where you want to end up long-term. But moving to the midwest will not mean putting your entire life on hold; you can still do theatre and art in Ohio. (In fact, my cousin's currently in a theatre in Michigan, and has worked in Ohio. PM me if you'd like me to have her talk to you.)

Again, you don't have to reply to me. I'm just bringing up things that you should make sure you've thought about for yourself.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do! And let me know if I can help.

[emf]

Most fundamentalist Christians wouldn't approve of a clubdancing/theatre/arts/fashion girl their son brought home, especially if she writes the sort of movie review you did about Jesus Camp. I'm a little surprised you thought the mother might. Maybe Spirit was just trying to get you to trust your instincts more in the future.

I can understand why you're reluctant to move to the midwest. That usually means a person has given up on her biggest dreams. Some people do go back though and you could be one of them. Just don't do anything that makes you add "shame" to the list of words you use to describe what you feel about yourself. Only you know what those things are. Good luck.

[Christian223]

Hi, i just had to write something about it, all what you say really affected me, it makes me mad this people who use the name of god to do things contrary to god, hurting themselves and other people, making the life on so many people a living hell (Jesus will judge them/us according to their/our deeds), im a sincere christian, and i wish i could help you, i live in Argentina so i cant say much, i just can say to you that you must not feel desperate, you allways can count on jesus and i dont think that there is a better time for you than now to call him for help, that is, if you belive in him (even just a little), in the bible says that anything you ask Jesus then he will do it, it also says that he cant give you a rock if you ask him for bread, he will give you what you desire just if you ask him and seek him...
Good luck, god bless.

[Isis Kali]

Originally Posted by emf

Most fundamentalist Christians wouldn't approve of a clubdancing/theatre/arts/fashion girl their son brought home, especially if she writes the sort of movie review you did about Jesus Camp. I'm a little surprised you thought the mother might. Maybe Spirit was just trying to get you to trust your instincts more in the future.

I can understand why you're reluctant to move to the midwest. That usually means a person has given up on her biggest dreams. Some people do go back though and you could be one of them. Just don't do anything that makes you add "shame" to the list of words you use to describe what you feel about yourself. Only you know what those things are. Good luck.

Oh, noooo! I never dated him, ever. Ew. No. He's like my big brother The thing is, supposedly- from my best friend and his viewpoints, his mother never had a problem with that, because he's been surrounded by that sort of people all his life. She seemed to just accept it. I don't know. I guess I can be really naive, because I'm very accepting of people. I think you're right about trusting my instincts, though.

I wouldn't say that moving to the midwest is giving up. Truth be told, I just don't like the politcal climate out there (I'm a really hardcore liberal), and I'm artsy/gothy/glam. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like a good fit. Yeah, I don't want to do anything gross, either.

What sucks is that I just found out that his mother has been pushing to throw me out, just because. No good reason. Just because. She's also really, really been haraguing him and putting his security at risk. Now that she sees she overplayed her hands, she's trying to offer him the place for free to keep him under her control. It's all very screwed up. You don't want him...you do? How awful for him! He never told me, but was getting resentful that I didn't just somehow *know* and thank him (I have a feeling that honesty and communication weren't skills that were taught to him very well). I got this from my best friend...not him, still not him. He's acting like he's fine and happy. It's really messed up. He also has very little empathy, and doesn't realize that I may be a bit of a mess because of all of these disclosures.

It's going to be okay. I just have to be upfront with landlords about the fact that I do lots of different things to earn money, and I'm going to have great references. Plus, I have bank statements that show good deposits used well, so...I think that will go a long way towards helping things.

One of my friends offered me a room in her house with her husband and four kids (!). I said, "Thank you, honey, but...no." I just think that it's time for me to not be depending on others. I have to be flying on my own. Cliche, I know, but it feels true, and I think that Spirit is dictating that I need to depend on all these talents that I have to make my way. If that weren't the case, I would have landed a job by now. I find that I'm having to stick up for what I feel, for where I want to move (closer to NYC...not the best neighborhoods, but really great transportation), and for what I really want to do (I don't like being around many people, lots of noise, crowds). So, I think that I'll be alright as long as I'm honest with myself.

Thank goodness for my grandfather, though. He has a whole bunch of stuff for me to sell on Ebay, in addition to the things I already sell, and they're things that will net a good amount of ready cash. Yay.

[topher1181]

Originally Posted by Isis Kali

I wouldn't say that moving to the midwest is giving up. Truth be told, I just don't like the politcal climate out there (I'm a really hardcore liberal), and I'm artsy/gothy/glam. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like a good fit. Yeah, I don't want to do anything gross, either.

How about Chicago? There are plenty of cultural activities, and it is very liberal.

[Isis Kali]

Is it cheap? I'm looking to pay about $650-725 for a studio or small one bedroom.

[Erin Pavlina]

Come to Vegas.

Very glam life here if you want it. And the apartment rent in a great, affluent neighborhood is in that price range. And then you're also really close to L.A.

[Isis Kali]

Oooh...Vegas. Never thought of that... I'm a dancer, too. Too bad I'm short.

But- and this sounds silly- I'm so, so scared to up and move across the country, esp. with not that much in savings, and no set job! See, there's the catch-22 of me...I want to live my life free of the day job thing and everything, because I know that that's my path, but I'm scared to not do those things, because I think that something terrible will happen if I try- like, that I won't be able to support myself. Eeek. I'm so confused

[Erin Pavlina]

That fear is something I run across a lot during readings. Often the advice given to my sitters from their guides is:

1. Make a plan, set a goal, where do you want to get?
2. Get a job to pay your bills while you're working on your goal.
3. Knowing you will not be wage slaving your entire life will help you work that day job while you're working on your dream.

No one says you have to get to that dream overnight. There are steps along the way. And no one says you need to starve while you're making your dream come true.

In other words, you're in transition. You know you don't want to be a waitress or a secretary or whatever your whole life, but that doesn't mean you can't do something like that now to make ends meet. It's part of growing up and becoming independent.

Don't be afraid. Doing something now that you don't want to do in the future doesn't mean you're giving up or failing on your dream; it just means you're taking it one step at a time.

[Isis Kali]

Fear...that's a biggie.

See, I have a really bad habit of getting comfortable and complacent. I'm better when I'm under pressure, like now. This is why my blog is taking off. I feel like, if I work a 40 hr week, I'm going to have nothing left for the other things that I actually want to do. I put a lot into a job when I have one, and it doesn't leave much extra. I feel like it would kill any focus that I have going right now.

What I was thinking of doing was getting a bartending or waitressing job. I'm very nocturnal, so I think that it would be a good fit. Plus, I can work on stuff during the daytime, and maybe only have to work 3 or 4 days a week.

Also, I've done this so often in my life. I've been so responsible, did the "good thing" by getting an office manager job once, and just told myself, "Oh, yeah, it's just temporary." I've been temporarying it since about 1998. I'm 28 now. Do I really want to wait till I'm 40 or 50 to decide that I want to pursue my dreams full-on? Is it ever a good, safe time? How do you handle that?

I wrote this on another forum I post on, and thought I'd share it with you guys:

Well, I'm feeling way more optimistic now, at least. My roommate came clean with a lot of the anger that he has against his mother. Thank goodness.

I've figured out that my best friend really is very, very negative, and was a huge part of kinda egging me on, or making me depressed about things. She was suggesting the webcam stuff, or getting a sugar daddy. She's now suggesting that I go work at Home Despot or something like it. I, on the other hand, would rather get a job bartending or waitressing in NYC, which will pay a lot more money for less work, plus be lots of fun.

She hasn't said as much, but I can tell that she wants me to stay in safe ol' Bergen County, away from 24 hour transportation. I had to vehemently remind her today that I'm looking to move right near the city, into Hudson County. See seems to conveniently forget that fact. She really does see me working a dead-end, soul-killing job, and living in a small, isolated apartment where I can't go anyplace unless she's driving me. My other friends are standing behind me making me dream of a website come true. They support me wanting to do things like publish ebooks, do online tarot readings, run an Ebay store, actually be able to concentrate on designing and making clothing...the list goes on and on.

I have so many skills; there is no reason why my hands and brain can't make me at least $1000 a month to live on. A part time nightlife job would really help, and I can get that. It's just hard when the people closest to you say that they don't see me being able to get an apartment as a freelancer, or that my sending resumes to do constructive jobs in my skill set is a waste of time.

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Isis Kali

Well, I'm feeling way more optimistic now, at least. My roommate came clean with a lot of the anger that he has against his mother. Thank goodness.

I've figured out that my best friend really is very, very negative, and was a huge part of kinda egging me on, or making me depressed about things. She was suggesting the webcam stuff, or getting a sugar daddy. She's now suggesting that I go work at Home Despot or something like it. I, on the other hand, would rather get a job bartending or waitressing in NYC, which will pay a lot more money for less work, plus be lots of fun.

She hasn't said as much, but I can tell that she wants me to stay in safe ol' Bergen County, away from 24 hour transportation. I had to vehemently remind her today that I'm looking to move right near the city, into Hudson County. See seems to conveniently forget that fact. She really does see me working a dead-end, soul-killing job, and living in a small, isolated apartment where I can't go anyplace unless she's driving me. My other friends are standing behind me making me dream of a website come true. They support me wanting to do things like publish ebooks, do online tarot readings, run an Ebay store, actually be able to concentrate on designing and making clothing...the list goes on and on.

I have so many skills; there is no reason why my hands and brain can't make me at least $1000 a month to live on. A part time nightlife job would really help, and I can get that. It's just hard when the people closest to you say that they don't see me being able to get an apartment as a freelancer, or that my sending resumes to do constructive jobs in my skill set is a waste of time.

Hey Isis Kali,

I'm very happy to hear you can tell the difference between who to listen to and who to ignore...run, don't walk, from the negative people who want you to be negative!

I don't have any real advice, but from what I read, you're thinking from the right place, anything that improves the quality of your life and moves you up is good, anything that doesn't, drop it like it's hot.

*hugs*

[topher1181]

Originally Posted by Isis Kali

Is it cheap? I'm looking to pay about $650-725 for a studio or small one bedroom.

Chicago isn't so cheap, but you could definitely find what you're looking for. You'd just want to check the neighborhood first.

[madgeylou]

i know a beautiful apartment in pittsburgh for $450 a month. i lived in it for 9 years! not the greatest hood, but close to the bus and a 10 minutes bus ride from the most culturally and artistically vibrant neighborhood in the city (south side).

it does sound like you need to think outside of your comfort zone on this. a smaller city like pittsburgh or cleveland or baltimore would give you a great opportunity to take care of yourself and recover a bit from what you've been through lately, while planning your next steps. and those smaller cities, while they are not new york, do have a lot going on. i am as new york a person as it is possible to be, but i was happy in pittsburgh for many years doing my own thing musically and artistically. there's more going on that you think.

honest to god, i dont know if you could pick a worse place to not have a secure job than new york city. i have lived here several times without steady work and i always ended up leaving. it's just not a good place to be poor.

you might be the kind of person who has to be thrown in the deep end to learn how to swim, but you might also look at seeing yourself that way as a limiting belief. it's going to be really hard to live your dreams if you are worrying about where you're going to sleep and what you're going to eat. first things first.

[Isis Kali]

Yeah...I do thrive under pressure. But my problems may be solved...

I had applied to Kripalu Massage School several months ago. I had taken a class with the head of the program, and she really liked my energy, and though that Kripalu would be a great place for me to train.

I got in (not hard, considering that she was my interviewer ), but didn't get the scholarship that I would need to attend. Anyways, the scholarship would have only covered 40%, and that wouldn't have been enough (my first course scholarship was 80%). So, I wrote it off...

...until today, when I opened a letter, sent by Kripalu on the 8th. It seems that they mysteriously came up with a scholarship...to the tune of $2000. It's about 66% of the course cost. It includes my room and board.

I was in shock for most of the day, to say the least. And, yes, I'm taking it. I'm going to come back in mid-February and look for apts. I'll have a certification by then, and a definite good chance of getting an apartment, along with the opportunity to get a job at a gym or something, and a definite way to work freelance, like most massage therapists do. In fact, with the friends and contacts that I have, I have a ready-made client base.

I'm going to have to pull together money to get a laptop (for papers and such, and also to continue doing business things online while I'm there), but I can pull that together, I'm sure. I think that IM had something to do with this. It's a miracle, it truly is!

(PS- I also did the Million Dollar Challenge, starting two days ago...and this scholarship came out of nowhere, along with another check for $20. So, in two days, I'm up $2020. That's INSANE.)

Yeah, NYC sucks if you're broke as joke. At least, I'll now have definite prospects when I come back. I know that it'll work out just fine, you know? I have to work hard so that I can travel and maybe see what's out there more...

[Alvin]

Yay, things are looking up! That $2000 scholarship is amazing. Congrats!

[Isis Kali]

Thank you! Thank you all! I'm just charging ahead, trying to keep my eyes and ears open to whatever guides me. I'm also reading, "Ask and It Is Given" again. I've added finding an apartment to my I-M wishlist.

Well, I was offered an apt, alright...by my roomie's mother! Oh, HELL no! It was right after I finished my meditations, too. Kinda funny!