How to complicate a friendship...

[Genius_Cube]

Hi all

Little bit of a conundrum maybe you guys and gals can help me with, maybe you cant.

An old friend of mine and myself went out for a few drinks the other week to catch up and spin yarns. We have been friends since we were kids and now we are all grown up and striking out at the world and whatnot so there was no shortage of conversation topics. Anyway at some point during the evening things went somewhat askew and we ended up kissing, repeatedly.

Now we think we are going to give this a shot, for better or for worse. I suppose we have lept over the line now anyway. The problem is we both feel a tad odd about it all. Anyone got any advice?

[Anand Dhillon]

Instead of approaching it with the attitude of "we better get this right" like most people do, I would approach this relationship with a sense of curiosity. Take it moment by moment and enjoy each others company. Simply allow the relationship to build naturally.

As for the odd feeling, it likely comes from the fact that you've been friends for so long and don't want to lose the friendship if the romance doesn't work out. The way around this is to recognize that even if things don't work out romantically, you still care for each other and will still be able to remain friends afterwards.

[Remiel]

My guess is the beers helped with leading things askew .

To me romance is simply an extension of friendship. Its taking that friendship that already exists and leading it into something permanent and beautiful. Don't let fear lead your life or you may well regret it later.

The question I would ask is this. Is this person someone who I would want to marry? If the answer is no then don't get into the relationship. If the answer is maybe then are you interested in getting married to this person? If the answer is no then again, don't get into the relationship. If maybe then go for it. If the answer is yes to either question then yes jump right in.

I'm one of those who is big on marriage if you can't tell .

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Genius_Cube

Hi all

Little bit of a conundrum maybe you guys and gals can help me with, maybe you cant.

An old friend of mine and myself went out for a few drinks the other week to catch up and spin yarns. We have been friends since we were kids and now we are all grown up and striking out at the world and whatnot so there was no shortage of conversation topics. Anyway at some point during the evening things went somewhat askew and we ended up kissing, repeatedly.

Now we think we are going to give this a shot, for better or for worse. I suppose we have lept over the line now anyway. The problem is we both feel a tad odd about it all. Anyone got any advice?

Make a commitment that no matter what you'll stay friends. If things start to go bad, you will promise to bow out of the "relationship" gracefully and with no attachments aside from friendship. Just enjoy it and be friends that bow chicka bow bow and don't put any demands on each other.

[garentee]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

Make a commitment that no matter what you'll stay friends. If things start to go bad, you will promise to bow out of the "relationship" gracefully and with no attachments aside from friendship. Just enjoy it and be friends that bow chicka bow bow and don't put any demands on each other.

That is some fantastic advice that on several occasions I wish either of us had thought about! Alas now I know... Thanks Dannyboy1

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by garentee

That is some fantastic advice that on several occasions I wish either of us had thought about! Alas now I know... Thanks Dannyboy1

Sorry my timing was off.

[robc]

I'm impressed, that must have been some kissing!

Ever heard of dating?

Try it with this person, go out on dates, a few of them, 5,6, 10, etc. and date for a while. Do stuff together, hang out, space it out so you see either maybe once or twice a week, keep your life as is, don't rush into the committment, keep it fun and continue to throw in some of that kissing that was mentioned earlier, heck even try it without being drunk!

If after several dates, you still enjoy each other's company without feeling "odd", try dating exclusively (aka don't date & kiss other people) and see what that kind of mini-committment feels like. If you like it, proceed to your bf/gf relationship and take it from there.

My advice is don't rush the relationship, enjoy the process of creating the relationship - it is very fun!!!

Good Luck!!!

[driven1]

She's had a crush on you for years. Don't wonder about this... KNOW it. Don't ask her about it... KNOW it. She digs you. Of course she would; you're a great guy. You don't need to do anything to prove yourself good enough to her, because you already are.

Keep this mindset. It will help eliminate any insecurity in you that could poison her attraction.

It's really just a question of whether you like her in that way. Do you?

[Genius_Cube]

Thanks everyone. I guess I do like her in that way really, she is the yardstick by which I have measured every other girl I have ever been with. I am just having a problem adjusting my veiw point I suppose. I have known this girl literally my entire life (parents are good friends etc) so such a bizzare turn of events have caught me off guard.

My only worry in this is me, I have a distinct fear of commitment, it chills me to the core. Anyone else get this?

[kpugh]

Genius - something moved you both, why question it? If it comes with a good mix of authentic excitement/passion and pure fear/confusion...I'd say it's the right direction. But that's just me. Enjoy it, trust it, and don't put any expectations on it. That's probably the best way to let the "reality" of the situation emerge in an authentic way.

[Genius_Cube]

Thank you all!

[freestate]

Yes this is quite an interesting situation, and it's happened many times before in history, believe me.

The most important thing you need to keep in mind that you must be Completely Honest with her about what kind of relationship you want. Explore this for a while, but you'll need to decide where you want this to go at some point, whether it be going back to a friendship, started a committed relationship with her, or allowing the relationship to be an open one.

Let us know how it goes. Life is too short not to enjoy it.