missed chance

[ultimate]

at the superstore at the till, I think this girl was interested in me but i couldnt see it at the time.
dam

i am pissed off with myself - how do i make sure that i take every opportunity when they appear - i think i have a problem too with what to say to someone if i think they are interested in me - maybe they are just being friendly?

what do i do now?

[garentee]

Get back on that bicycle and ride it. Dont put too much importance on any one situation... You will figgure it out.

[Kazeko]

The "trial and error" method worked for me, although not very smoothly. The key is - do it now! At least, something. Talking to girls is a skill which can be trained. You'll get better eventually. Just act.

By the way, you still have a chance to meet that girl again. Go to the superstore and try to find her (if you really like her). Then, if you see the girl - just go to her and say "hi". Don't worry about the rest. It is your training, remember?

[driven1]

Yep, this is the process of socialization. Making a social "mistake" (I should have talked with her!!) modifies your future behavior a bit, you do a little better next time bt you make another "mistake" (who knows, maybe bringing up religion as a conversation topic), you adjust a little from that (mental note: don't talk religion with people I don't know), etc., etc. It's a long, iterative process to go from shy to social, and some people pick up more quickly than others.

So the bad news is: You're gonna make mistake after mistake and probably kick yourself a lot. (If you only knew some of the stupid stuff I've done! )

The good news is: You're gonna get better and better at this if you keep at it. Enjoy your successes (there will be many!) and try not to get discouraged at your "failures" (there will be many!). There will be other girls, other situations..., hundreds, if not thousands of them. Just keep at it. This is a lifelong process, and a skill well-worth learning, IMO.

[Lauxa]

Don't stress out about missing an opportunity because there will be no shortage of opportunities for you. Maybe go back over the conversation and imagine it going really well where you end up asking her phone number and she gives it to you? This will give you a good positive experience to draw on next time, even though it is imaginary.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Girl interested, you: "here, take out your phone. My number is _____." Treat it like it's the most natural thing in the world. There is nothing wrong with being interested in a woman or giving out your number. when you do this you are giving her good feelings and making her day a little brighter.

Keep that in mind next time you are scared or unsure of how to take things with women. Imagine if a beautiful woman came up to you and asked you for your number. You would probably enjoy it and she as well would enjoy taking your number.

[Alexjstrandberg]

and always trust the universe to supply you with an abundance of women-there are too many to worry about one slipping through your fingers.

[g00dz]

Originally Posted by driven1

Yep, this is the process of socialization. Making a social "mistake" (I should have talked with her!!) modifies your future behavior a bit, you do a little better next time bt you make another "mistake" (who knows, maybe bringing up religion as a conversation topic), you adjust a little from that (mental note: don't talk religion with people I don't know), etc., etc. It's a long, iterative process to go from shy to social, and some people pick up more quickly than others.

So the bad news is: You're gonna make mistake after mistake and probably kick yourself a lot. (If you only knew some of the stupid stuff I've done! )

The good news is: You're gonna get better and better at this if you keep at it. Enjoy your successes (there will be many!) and try not to get discouraged at your "failures" (there will be many!). There will be other girls, other situations..., hundreds, if not thousands of them. Just keep at it. This is a lifelong process, and a skill well-worth learning, IMO.

This man knows his stuff.

I have worked at fixing my conversation skills with women and people in general for the past year or so of my life. Within that time, i have seen incredible results.

I'm still young, only 18. I used to be what was considered a 'natural' with females for the 2nd year of junior high school, by hanging out with a friend who was also a natural. We hung out every single day, and his behavior rubbed off on me and i also conciously studied his conversations with girls.

I got lots of action and had a few girlfriends during this time, but soon after was hit with a horrendus dry spell after i broke up with my last girlfriend. My theory is that changing my behavior because i had a single lady in my life caused me to 'forget' what i had learned from my friend.

What he did was think freely without looking for approval from anyone or anything. He lived his life to the fullest, and had fun in anything he did. If he wasnt having fun, he was out looking for it and i came along for the ride.


The main thing is to know your wants and needs as a man, and make no excuses for anything you would naturally do. Know that one conversation with a woman means nothing. Like others have said, there are literally billions more.

I also suggest researching this subject online. youtube david wygant. hes a natural with women and hes entertaining to listen to. good luck brother!

[driven1]

Thanks g00dz, for the kind words. For you to be "getting" this stuff at 18yo... frankly, I'm envious. I'm 37, and it took this many years plus a failed marriage for it to finally sink into my thick skull. (At least I'm not 80 -- I'd be like AW, MANNNN!!) I've had a good life, don't get me wrong, but for you to be understanding this at such a young age... man, you're gonna kick it up to a whole new level!

But remember, young jedi: Use your powers only for good...

[melonstar]

Live deliberately - don't wait for life to come to you. Get to know your heart, and trust your intuition. Spend time with yourself, and you will never miss any opportunity you are meant to see. Just trust that whatever happens is perfect in some way.
Good luck x

[g00dz]

Originally Posted by driven1

Thanks g00dz, for the kind words. For you to be "getting" this stuff at 18yo... frankly, I'm envious. I'm 37, and it took this many years plus a failed marriage for it to finally sink into my thick skull. (At least I'm not 80 -- I'd be like AW, MANNNN!!) I've had a good life, don't get me wrong, but for you to be understanding this at such a young age... man, you're gonna kick it up to a whole new level!

But remember, young jedi: Use your powers only for good...

Thank you for your kind words as well!

I took a long, very intense look at my life about 2 years ago. I came to the conclusion that i had everything to feel happy, except one thing.

I had a job, a few constructive hobbies, car, supportive single parent and i did well in school. I ALSO had a feeling of hopelessness that i wouldnt find my ideal female to be with. This made me quite unhappy and it spilled into the other areas of my life constantly. I tried, but failed quite often (nearly every time) with females, and it brought down my confidence.

I came along way since then, but im still far from where i would like to be, quite far. I still fail a fair percentage of times, but the difference is that i no longer let it affect my life in ANY WAY.

I am a confident individual and i am in complete control over my reality. I constantly try to improve myself in all aspects as much as possible. Idle time feels wasted. Because i feel the need to improve myself, i have learned to eliminate failure as an outcome. EVERY EXPERIENCE CAN AND WILL BE LEARNED FROM!

So now, my 'failures' with women AND ANYTHING go on to become pieces of my past that will be learned from.

Hopefully, like you said, i shall be a force to be reckoned with in the future. I'll will go on to teach plenty of padawans (yes i like starwars too)

To melon thats an interesting outlook that i too posess, only i feel that we have a lot of input on fate. You are in control of your immediate reality!

[garentee]

gOOdz,
You are doing things at 18 that most never ever do. If I were in your shoes I would not beat myself up about where you are right now or that you have a long way to go. Love who and what you are and where you are today.G