a little bit of a social problem...

[seo1]

I’m a 20 year old guy and I have been having some trouble socially since the beginning of HS but it has changed a little in the last few years. My world view seems so different from that of my peers. Most people my age are happy drinking a forty, doing someone and passing out for the night (ha). This has never been my way. Romantic relationships have never come easily either. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some W.O.W nerd or anything. I’m above average in the looks department, I’m very athletic and defined, fairly intellectually intelligent and extremely emotionally intelligent. Most importantly, I’m not conceited or a jerk of any kind. These problems extend into all areas of social interaction. I feel that I just can’t relate or connect well with others and even less so with people my own age. I feel like my personal experiences are a bit outside the realm of the norm. I've experienced great spiritual and psychic growth in the last few years and it seems to have changed my outlook greatly. I wasn’t abused or mistreated or anything and I’m not some sort of mentally ill person either. I haven’t dissociated myself from people; I simply feel that I don’t fit well into social or workplace situations. I can’t related to others well and I don’t operate on the same level that they do. Has anyone else had any similar experiences? I’d like a little advice to help with this ongoing problem.

Thanks

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by seo1

I’m a 20 year old guy and I have been having some trouble socially since the beginning of HS but it has changed a little in the last few years. My world view seems so different from that of my peers. Most people my age are happy drinking a forty, doing someone and passing out for the night (ha). This has never been my way. Romantic relationships have never come easily either. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some W.O.W nerd or anything. I’m above average in the looks department, I’m very athletic and defined, fairly intellectually intelligent and extremely emotionally intelligent. Most importantly, I’m not conceited or a jerk of any kind. These problems extend into all areas of social interaction. I feel that I just can’t relate or connect well with others and even less so with people my own age. I feel like my personal experiences are a bit outside the realm of the norm. I've experienced great spiritual and psychic growth in the last few years and it seems to have changed my outlook greatly. I wasn’t abused or mistreated or anything and I’m not some sort of mentally ill person either. I haven’t dissociated myself from people; I simply feel that I don’t fit well into social or workplace situations. I can’t related to others well and I don’t operate on the same level that they do. Has anyone else had any similar experiences? I’d like a little advice to help with this ongoing problem.

Thanks

What underlying fear is causing you to not socialize with people? It doesn't matter how much growth you do in any area...you can still socialize with people...why it's a basic principle of life. I know I too am going through something like this...maybe not the nonsocializing with people..but with how to connect with others. Maybe we can help eachother out

[seo1]

Yeah true maybe we could help eathother. I'm not afraid of socializing with people. I just have a hard time connecting with people after going through a lot of psychic and spiritual growth. I just don't feel connected to others. I feel like I have to disconnect from a part of myself in order to connect with others on a purely physical level. Just to clarify...

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by seo1

Yeah true maybe we could help eathother. I'm not afraid of socializing with people. I just have a hard time connecting with people after going through a lot of psychic and spiritual growth. I just don't feel connected to others. I feel like I have to disconnect from a part of myself in order to connect with others on a purely physical level. Just to clarify...

hmm yea I'm not quite sure. Maybe is has something to do with beliefs? Maybe a belief you have about others is not allowing you to connect with them more easily? hmm

Oh and if this helps...Erin has an article posted titled "empathy"...maybe that's what you're looking for. I think I'll read it over again and check real quick lol.

Heres some links: How To Raise Your Vibration
How To Raise Your Vibration When You Feel Fear

possibly what you could be looking for is something to do with energy...?

[coLLege kid07]

This article seems to greatly resonate with me

Control vs. Faith: Which strategy is better?

[dali]

Maybe you are believing the thought that you cant relate to people very easily or that you should...Have you come accross the Work of Byron Katie? She is really good on helping us question those limiting thoughts we believe about ourselves. You can find her on You Tube.

[Dan.Linehan]

You seem really sharp seo -- my advice would be to start your own business. That will allow you much more flexibility in defining your social circle.

Basically, once you hit your twenties or so, you need to choose the circle you run in. Choose consciously, most people don't.

[Tina McLeman]

seo1, this sounds just like me. I find it very difficult to connect with people. Even when I make the effort to be social (sober or after drinking), I can get along with people, but I never connect with them. I know lots of people, but only a very small handful do I really connect with and would consider friends. Most of them I've known since I was a kid, so I guess that doesn't really count.

These days, it's impossible for me to meet someone I really click with and can just get along with them like I've known them for years. I have a unique personality and unique interests (none of them bad or weird, just different from most people), and it's hard to find people that like similar things.

I too have been undergoing a lot of personal development lately. Most of it this year. But I've had several big life changes in the past 2 years which has forced me to change (for the better! ). I'm 24, and most of the people I currently hang out with are all older than me, but I am much more mature than them and I have a very different outlook on life, therefore my relationship with these people is always distant and strained.

My family always used to say that I intimidate people because I'm an intellegent woman (who is also pretty tall). Therefore, people get scared and don't give me the chance to connect with them. I don't know if that's the reason for my inability to connect, but it I like thinking that it could be other people with the problem - not me. So if you're a handsome, intellegent person, maybe other people are intimidated by this and feel that they won't be able to connect with you. Maybe it's not you with the problem, it's other people. It's something they have to deal with, not you.

But don't fret. Try to keep telling yourself that there are people out there that you will be able to relate to, you just have to find each other. Are there any societies or clubs you can join in your area where there are likely to be people like you?

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Tina McLeman

seo1, this sounds just like me. I find it very difficult to connect with people. Even when I make the effort to be social (sober or after drinking), I can get along with people, but I never connect with them. I know lots of people, but only a very small handful do I really connect with and would consider friends. Most of them I've known since I was a kid, so I guess that doesn't really count.

These days, it's impossible for me to meet someone I really click with and can just get along with them like I've known them for years. I have a unique personality and unique interests (none of them bad or weird, just different from most people), and it's hard to find people that like similar things.

I too have been undergoing a lot of personal development lately. Most of it this year. But I've had several big life changes in the past 2 years which has forced me to change (for the better! ). I'm 24, and most of the people I currently hang out with are all older than me, but I am much more mature than them and I have a very different outlook on life, therefore my relationship with these people is always distant and strained.

My family always used to say that I intimidate people because I'm an intellegent woman (who is also pretty tall). Therefore, people get scared and don't give me the chance to connect with them. I don't know if that's the reason for my inability to connect, but it I like thinking that it could be other people with the problem - not me. So if you're a handsome, intellegent person, maybe other people are intimidated by this and feel that they won't be able to connect with you. Maybe it's not you with the problem, it's other people. It's something they have to deal with, not you.

But don't fret. Try to keep telling yourself that there are people out there that you will be able to relate to, you just have to find each other. Are there any societies or clubs you can join in your area where there are likely to be people like you?

I've found that when trying to connect with people it is most important to define your values. Find the attributes you truly value in life and from there you will more easily connect with people. Also when I did this it lead me to identifying underlying fears and other things I wasn't aware of...so it could possibly do the same for you.

Sorry and don't mean to rain on your parade...but possibly 95% it is you not them =/

[Anand Dhillon]

One thing tha helped me connect with people is simply imagining that the other person is me from a different time and place (I guess, depending on the belief system you adopt, the other person is you). So, if people your own age feel like partying and getting drunk, appreciate that it's a part of you that wants to do that. This simple exercise will make it easier to connect with people.

That being said, you probably want to find friends that have similar values and interests to you. I'm 21 and I don't find many people my age that are into personal development etc. However, a solution that I've found is simply openingly discussing my interest in growth with the people I meet. Some people don't care for it and others become intrigued - those are the people that I spend time with today. In this way, you can effectively construct your own social circle.

As far as romantic relationships go, I think for a person of your age the secret is to go out on a lot of dates. This will help you define what you want in a partner. For the next little while, I would ask out any cute girl you have a connection with. It doesn't have to turn into a relationship or anything - the experience itself is valuable.

Hope that helps. Good luck.

[seo1]

Thanks for all the replies. I wasn't sure that anyone would really answer. I don't thinks it's so much that I'm unwilling to connect or that I don't at all. The truth is that I am able to connect on basic levels, but I'd like to find others like me that I can connect with on a spiritual and psychic level. Whether it be male or female, platonic or romantic all my relationships come down to this singular point. I can connect on basic levels but I'm not able to integrate my entire self into such relationships. I'm a nice guy and relatively attractive so others are interested in my as a friend or as someone with romantic potential, but I feel like I'm always lacking that spiritual/psychic connection. Therefore, I'm able to make friends, but not without filtering myself. Girls are also intersted in me, but the relationships never go anywhere; whether it be just as friends or not. Am I completely out in left field or does anyone understand what I'm trying to say?

[Dan.Linehan]

What activities do you like that would like to share with people? Why not start there?

[seo1]

Activities are something that work well for me as a starting point. But at my core the way my mind works, how I perceive things, how I feel things is nothing like those around me. This people sensitivity is not something that I have found among anyone my age. It's the intuition, sensitivity and psychic ability that makes it hard for me to connect. I connect very well on basic levels, I am very personable and friendly. However, there is always the intuitive/spiritual/psychic connection missing. How big a piece that is... Why is this so rare? I just want to find someone like me.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by seo1

I’m a 20 year old guy and I have been having some trouble socially since the beginning of HS but it has changed a little in the last few years. My world view seems so different from that of my peers. Most people my age are happy drinking a forty, doing someone and passing out for the night (ha). This has never been my way. Romantic relationships have never come easily either. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some W.O.W nerd or anything. I’m above average in the looks department, I’m very athletic and defined, fairly intellectually intelligent and extremely emotionally intelligent. Most importantly, I’m not conceited or a jerk of any kind. These problems extend into all areas of social interaction. I feel that I just can’t relate or connect well with others and even less so with people my own age. I feel like my personal experiences are a bit outside the realm of the norm. I've experienced great spiritual and psychic growth in the last few years and it seems to have changed my outlook greatly. I wasn’t abused or mistreated or anything and I’m not some sort of mentally ill person either. I haven’t dissociated myself from people; I simply feel that I don’t fit well into social or workplace situations. I can’t related to others well and I don’t operate on the same level that they do. Has anyone else had any similar experiences? I’d like a little advice to help with this ongoing problem.

Thanks

I understand you. I have always felt a little bit different then the rest of the pack. Not weird or socially retarded but just into different things and being a different person.

Have you seen the movie kill bill 2? If not, in the movie one of the main guys was talking to his old girlfriend that was an assassin who gave up that life to live a normal life. He gave the analogy of super man when talking about her situation. He said that superman puts on a Clark Kent outfit every day to blend in with the rest of the crowd but underneath that disguise he is still superman. Clark Kent is the disguise he used to blend in with the rest of the crowd but no matter what clothes he put on or how he acted, he was still superman.

That is how I felt for a long time. I tried to fit in and mold myself to becoming like everyone else, even though on some level I knew it wasn't who I was. It was only after I accepted myself and had the courage to be who I truly was did I begin to feel a lot better about myself and life.

I'm not anti-social but I never try to be anyone other than me. A good bit of people think that I am anything but normal but normal is how I view myself because I am completely comfortable with who I am.

Another thing that helped greatly was finding people who were a little "off" themselves. In the past I would feel alone surrounded by people. A lot of wounds healed when I found out that there were other people similar to who I was.

Be careful not to let yourself think that you are better than other people. If you do begin to feel that way it's just your way of dealing with your own insecurities.

Cheers!

[Tina McLeman]

Originally Posted by coLLege kid07

I've found that when trying to connect with people it is most important to define your values. Find the attributes you truly value in life and from there you will more easily connect with people. Also when I did this it lead me to identifying underlying fears and other things I wasn't aware of...so it could possibly do the same for you.

Sorry and don't mean to rain on your parade...but possibly 95% it is you not them =/

I understand what you are saying, defining values (and morals) is very important when meeting new people. But no matter how hard you try to stay true to yourself - you will always come across people who will not be happy with who you are and make you feel bad for not being like them.

It is important to stay true to who you are, but don't let other people make you feel bad for that. Some people in this world are just unwilling to connect with people who are not like them. I know many people who are like that just now and I have been trying for a long time to find new people who "get me".

It's easy to connect with people on a basic level. But trying to find people that understand how your mind works, and people who really get where you're coming from - unfortunately they are very hard to find (from my own personal experience).

[Tina McLeman]

Just to confirm, I didn't mean to sound so negative when I said that finding people who "get you" are very hard to find. For me they are. But I understand that everyone's emotional/intellectual/spiritual needs are different and therefore some people will find they can connect with lots of people, others not so many.

I am proud of being a unique person with unique interests and hobbies. Because I am so unique, I find it very difficult to meet and connect with people like me. Some people I may have a few things in common with, but if there's no emotional connection, it will never work. In my 24 years, I have only met 4 people that I have connected with on a deep emotional level. 3 of those people are my best best friends. And interest-wise we have little in common, but you can't deny that we just click in so many other "deeper" ways. That is why we are great friends. The fourth person is my boyfriend. I feel so blessed to have been given a man who not only shares so many of my interests and hobbies, but he totally "gets me" in every way possible. He has exactly the same problem as me when it comes to connecting with people on a deeper level because he's so unique as well.

Seo1, you must not give up hope that there are people like you out there. Just always be yourself, be honest, and be open to everyone. Look for people in places you have never thought to look in before, you may be surprised.