Need Validation for breaking up

[sheffy4]

Hey everyone,
I don't really have a question, I would just like some support and validation about the decision I made to break up with my boyfriend of 1 yr and 8 months. We live together, and this is the first boyfriend I've ever lived with, so it's especially hard for me because I have to uproot my life and quickly find another palce to live.
The breakup has been a long time coming (in my eyes, anyway), but I finally made the break last Tuesday. We have not been getting along for months now, and I kept realizing more and more how we value completely different things, and we don't really "get" the other person. I think he's great, and he is really loving, which made it so hard. He really didn't want to break up. He has tried a couple times to make me reconsider, but I know this relationship isn't right for me.
I just hate to be breaking his heart like this. I wish I could have been happier with him, but I can't. I just feel like crap for doing this to him, when he really wanted to settle down and start a family with me.
I know it's not my responibility to make him feel better, but I wish I could anyway. I wish we could just talk, but I know that's not going to happen either.

*sigh*....

[robc]

what caused the breakup?

I'd love specifics.

Arguing itself isn't really a reason for breaking up.

Anything specific you were arguing about that you couldn't come to terms with?

Money problems?
Sex problems?

Does he hang on you, appear to be insecure or needy? Or maybe vice versa?

I've noticed that some people fight so much that they don't know what they're fighting about - seriously! You get so used to disagree with each other that you don't even know if the point you're trying to get across is even at odds with the point he's trying to convey. I once saw a couple fight and someone spent the time to find out what the argument was about, when they realized that they both were arguing the same point and didn't realize that they actually agreed on the issue - they felt pretty stupid. It was one of those "OOOOOOOOOH" moments when you realize that you're not listening to each other talk, you're just responding to the sound.

It happens, wouldn't be the first time.

Have you lost attraction for him? That's a big one, happens alot.
Anything specific that caused you to lose attraction for him?

Specifics, I would love some specifics, if you're willing to share some more, I'd love to read & reply some more too.

[driven1]

If you don't love him, and/or don't believe that you WILL love him, then breaking up was the right decision, for his own good and yours. He deserves to have somebody who loves him just as much as you deserve to have somebody you love.

Next time, pick somebody you can fall in love with. Easier said than done, for sure, and you have to be strong to choose to be alone over dating somebody you only have lukewarm feelings towards.

Hope this helps. Breaking hearts sucks, especially when you care about them.

[Alexjstrandberg]

No need to feel guilty about the breakup, you actually did him and yourself a favor. Break ups come down to people being no longer compatible-wanting different things, no getting along etc.

If you had stayed with him it would have only hurt him more. Dragging a dead end relationship is far more painful then cutting the cords and wishing the other person the best. It will hurt for him now but in the long road he will learn many things and find someone who is more compatible in the end.

[sheffy4]

Robc,
thanks for your concern, but I only wanted some support in my decision. I don't want to hash it all out again, otherwise I would have written all the specifics in the post. But again, thanks for caring. I know that we are not right for each other, and that is enough (wow, it sounds strange to say it).

And thanks to everyone else for posting also.

[The David]

I think when it comes to breaking up, you shouldn't wait until things get really bad. Of course, arguments aren't grounds for ending a relationship, since they are part of healthy relationships as well. But not sharing the same values, and just not getting along. . .judging from only what you wrote, it sounds like the motive for staying together may have been something unstable, like 'fondness'. Something you both could find in someone else.