Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

elliot · 06-30-2008, 01:04 AM

When I talk to people I generally am not too awkward. However when I'm alone too long I go into hermit mode where I don't want the neighbors to see me don't have any company over (really I haven't had a friend stay over for 15 minutes or longer in at least two years). I'm almost 25, fairly well educated but socially retarded in many respects.

I currently seem to find people with similar interests as mine. The people I socialize with the most, my ex and his set of friends don't really have much in common with me. Problem is on days like today, the weekend when I have so much time to myself I have no idea what to do. It's almost 9pm today and I haven't left the house at all today. Parents asked me to go to some get together at the beach and I said I wouldn't go because I was feeling anti-social. I can be either really friendly to people I've never met, such as what's required at work or I can be scared of each and every person who approaches me. Generally I am #2.

There was a gay pride parade in NYC I didn't go to. Could've gone out and at least seen a movie or something but nope. Another wasted day off.

I did make one new friend last week, spending a few hours together, but I'm not sure how his busy 60+ hr work schedule and mine will coexist together. I figure if he wants to hang out I will agree otherwise I won't push the issue too much.

Neighbors are having parties and I'm just sitting here in front of the computer focusing on all the negatives. I feel powerless to control my current emotions. Suggestions?

Jarrod · 06-30-2008, 01:14 AM

Do you believe that you are your thoughts and emotions or that you are separate from them?

elliot · 06-30-2008, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jarrod

Do you believe that you are your thoughts and emotions or that you are separate from them?

I think they're all intermingled. On a sidenote, I'm thinking about going to a psychologist or other mental health specialist. Over the past couple years between my personal blog postings and the ones on here, I've tried to make improvements in different areas and never really got very far.

Jarrod · 06-30-2008, 01:49 AM

I feel I am quite different to the majority of my friends (whether this is true or not is another question) and for a long time I never made any effort to go out with them as I thought it would always be a waste of time.

Now whenever I'm asked to go out whether it be to dinner, movie or something I always go out (unless the activity be unacceptable to my morals). This is because not only do I get to work on my social skills I also learn a lot more about myself and about the issues that other people face in life.

sonicpunk32 · 06-30-2008, 03:27 AM

People always say it's healthy to be social. "you need to get out" "be with people" "make new friends." I've been alone most of my life, and I've come to accept that I'm that way for a reason, and I've embraced that. It's ok to be antisocial. In time, the universe brings the right people at the right time, as I've come to realize.

Sam988 · 06-30-2008, 03:54 AM

I agree with sonicpunk32. There's no problem in being alone (if you enjoy it, of course). That talk of "you have to go out!", "don't waste your life!", "make new friends!" as sonic said, were probably made by extroverted people that can't live without constant human interaction (they don't even know how it feels like to live without this need! Maybe they would even enjoy it).

Of course if you stay much of your time alone and don't want to then you should do what they say which is to go out and socialise, meet new people by joining clubs, or classes, or whatever... living either alone or constantly with people surrounding you is up to you and there's no problem with either option, and i really disagree that people who live surrounded by people are happier than those who stay a lot of their time alone.

Liminal Chris · 06-30-2008, 04:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

People always say it's healthy to be social. "you need to get out" "be with people" "make new friends." I've been alone most of my life, and I've come to accept that I'm that way for a reason, and I've embraced that. It's ok to be antisocial. In time, the universe brings the right people at the right time, as I've come to realize.

couldn't agree with this more

Rosie · 06-30-2008, 04:29 AM

Sam, you couldn't be more right. That answer was dead on. It really shows a lot about your character, that you're accepting of people despite the fact that they might be different.

Elliot, like you, I'm a bit of a loner. I think there's nothing wrong with being alone a lot of the time, as long as you're happy. If you feel like there's something missing from your life, than by all means, start going out and meeting people. It all comes down to living your life your own way, instead of following what other people are telling you to do.

sonicpunk32 · 06-30-2008, 04:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosie

It all comes down to living your life your own way, instead of following what other people are telling you to do.

I agree. If people tell you you need to drink cause you turned 21 a couple years ago, you dont have to, it doesnt make you any less cool. Just cause everyone else is doing it.. not for me.

06-30-2008, 01:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
elliot Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 109	Being anti-social When I talk to people I generally am not too awkward. However when I'm alone too long I go into hermit mode where I don't want the neighbors to see me don't have any company over (really I haven't had a friend stay over for 15 minutes or longer in at least two years). I'm almost 25, fairly well educated but socially retarded in many respects. I currently seem to find people with similar interests as mine. The people I socialize with the most, my ex and his set of friends don't really have much in common with me. Problem is on days like today, the weekend when I have so much time to myself I have no idea what to do. It's almost 9pm today and I haven't left the house at all today. Parents asked me to go to some get together at the beach and I said I wouldn't go because I was feeling anti-social. I can be either really friendly to people I've never met, such as what's required at work or I can be scared of each and every person who approaches me. Generally I am #2. There was a gay pride parade in NYC I didn't go to. Could've gone out and at least seen a movie or something but nope. Another wasted day off. I did make one new friend last week, spending a few hours together, but I'm not sure how his busy 60+ hr work schedule and mine will coexist together. I figure if he wants to hang out I will agree otherwise I won't push the issue too much. Neighbors are having parties and I'm just sitting here in front of the computer focusing on all the negatives. I feel powerless to control my current emotions. Suggestions?

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06-30-2008, 01:14 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jarrod Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 541	Do you believe that you are your thoughts and emotions or that you are separate from them?

06-30-2008, 01:49 AM	#4 (permalink)
Jarrod Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 541	I feel I am quite different to the majority of my friends (whether this is true or not is another question) and for a long time I never made any effort to go out with them as I thought it would always be a waste of time. Now whenever I'm asked to go out whether it be to dinner, movie or something I always go out (unless the activity be unacceptable to my morals). This is because not only do I get to work on my social skills I also learn a lot more about myself and about the issues that other people face in life.

06-30-2008, 03:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
sonicpunk32 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: USA Posts: 175	People always say it's healthy to be social. "you need to get out" "be with people" "make new friends." I've been alone most of my life, and I've come to accept that I'm that way for a reason, and I've embraced that. It's ok to be antisocial. In time, the universe brings the right people at the right time, as I've come to realize.

06-30-2008, 03:54 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sam988 Family Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,232	I agree with sonicpunk32. There's no problem in being alone (if you enjoy it, of course). That talk of "you have to go out!", "don't waste your life!", "make new friends!" as sonic said, were probably made by extroverted people that can't live without constant human interaction (they don't even know how it feels like to live without this need! Maybe they would even enjoy it). Of course if you stay much of your time alone and don't want to then you should do what they say which is to go out and socialise, meet new people by joining clubs, or classes, or whatever... living either alone or constantly with people surrounding you is up to you and there's no problem with either option, and i really disagree that people who live surrounded by people are happier than those who stay a lot of their time alone.

06-30-2008, 04:29 AM	#8 (permalink)
Rosie Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 272	Sam, you couldn't be more right. That answer was dead on. It really shows a lot about your character, that you're accepting of people despite the fact that they might be different. Elliot, like you, I'm a bit of a loner. I think there's nothing wrong with being alone a lot of the time, as long as you're happy. If you feel like there's something missing from your life, than by all means, start going out and meeting people. It all comes down to living your life your own way, instead of following what other people are telling you to do.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums