I Dont know what to do, please help....

[lease26]

So a long story short my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I broke up. Well rather he broke up with me so he could have his "freedom" The part that i need help with is im 7 months pregnant with his child. He wants to be there for his son and i want him to be there for him. I want us to be together but i understand that hes obviously not ready for this kind of commitment.

The part that i am ot okay with and just cant do is this new girl hes "friends" with. Well shes not new, she use to be friends with both of us and well her and i had a falling out because she likes him as alot more than a friend. And now hes sleeping with her and spending almos every day with her, shes been staying over at his house since i moved out. So basically it feels like she replaced me. Which whatever if thats what he wants then thats what he wants.. it hurts but ill live.
However i do not want my son around her. I do not feel she is responsible enough to be around a child. She is a drug addict, to coke.. she drinks, and she cuts herself for attention... not to kill herself, but so that people will feel bad for her. She is just not mature and i reallydot feel comfortable letting her handle my child at all. However when i told him this he told me that shes a very good friend to him and therefor will have a big part of our sons life. Im not okay with this. I dont want our son to be around him in case she has one of her attacks or while shes on coke or drinking or oding on pills. So what i want to know is whether or not i have any legal rights on keeping my child away from her. If i am allowed to not let my child go over to see his father while she is there and what not. Im scared, because i dont really want things to turn into a legal battle between him and i and if he has a problem with our son being around anyone of my friends then i wouldnt have a problem with it.. but i dont trust her and especially not with my own flesh and blood.

so i dont know if im over reacting or if i really have a right to say no.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I feel that you are completely justified in requiring a safe environment for your child. Your best bet would be to consult a lawyer to learn about what legal rights you have. Make sure you document this woman's behavior. If you can't afford a lawyer, then perhaps get in touch with your local social services organization to see how they may be able to help. They should have access to resources to help you or be able to point you in the right direction.

[ns123]

you probably have full legal rights to demand whatever you wish for your son, as you and the father are not married. But consult a lawyer for this. But I suspect legally, you can do whatever you want. If so, I would advise you get something in writing.

If you want this man in your life, you are going to have to accept everything he brings into your son's life as well. You can request he doesn't bring certain people around your son, but you cannot control him. He has made it clear that for him to be in the picture, so does the other woman. You cannot get him to cut her off because he has made it clear he will not.

You know, not all guys that can make babies are good fathers. He has clearly demonstrated his commitment to you, by leaving you for another woman. And he has clearly demonstrated his commitment to your child by saying he will not give up the toxic relationship. You can accept him and his conditions or make a different decision.

You have some decisions to make.

[carenkh]

You have every right to say your child cannot be around people who are using -- that includes legal rights! It doesn't have to turn into a legal "battle"; in many places free mediation is available to settle custody agreements. Like aspiring mentioned, if you're in the US, many cities have legal services, or low-cost or free mediation.

Things were *much* smoother with my oldest son's Dad and me when we got a legal agreement - there was no question about who would be available when, etc. It was spelled out (because the Dad was in recovery) that our son would not be around people who were using - and if he ever was, that was reason enough to deny visitation.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by lease26

So a long story short my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I broke up. Well rather he broke up with me so he could have his "freedom" The part that i need help with is im 7 months pregnant with his child. He wants to be there for his son and i want him to be there for him. I want us to be together but i understand that hes obviously not ready for this kind of commitment.

The part that i am ot okay with and just cant do is this new girl hes "friends" with. Well shes not new, she use to be friends with both of us and well her and i had a falling out because she likes him as alot more than a friend. And now hes sleeping with her and spending almos every day with her, shes been staying over at his house since i moved out. So basically it feels like she replaced me. Which whatever if thats what he wants then thats what he wants.. it hurts but ill live.
However i do not want my son around her. I do not feel she is responsible enough to be around a child. She is a drug addict, to coke.. she drinks, and she cuts herself for attention... not to kill herself, but so that people will feel bad for her. She is just not mature and i reallydot feel comfortable letting her handle my child at all. However when i told him this he told me that shes a very good friend to him and therefor will have a big part of our sons life. Im not okay with this. I dont want our son to be around him in case she has one of her attacks or while shes on coke or drinking or oding on pills. So what i want to know is whether or not i have any legal rights on keeping my child away from her. If i am allowed to not let my child go over to see his father while she is there and what not. Im scared, because i dont really want things to turn into a legal battle between him and i and if he has a problem with our son being around anyone of my friends then i wouldnt have a problem with it.. but i dont trust her and especially not with my own flesh and blood.

so i dont know if im over reacting or if i really have a right to say no.

If this guy is immature enough to be with someone like this, I personally wouldn't want HIM in the child's life at all. He's obviously got serious issues to be dating someone like this. You and your child need to be around people without drug problems, etc.

[robc]

You're a single mom, you're not married and he doesn't want a relationship with you either.

You will have full custody of your son, if your ex wants visitation, he can ask you politely and you can grant him visitation in your home. No one says he has the right to take your child away from you. In fact if he wants some type of involvement in your son's life, he's going to also get used to the fact that he has to pay some type of child support. Your child will be too young for joint custody so he will be living with your full-time. If the person your ex is seeing a possible risk to your child, you have every right to sound an alarm and say no to whatever demands are placed on you that you feel are not in the best interests of your child.

Unless you pose some type of risk to your child, I don't see the law working against you in this situation.

Good Luck in your future, keep us posted as to what happens!!!