Constantly brooding about societal revenge

[CroMagna]

I have been avoiding posting this topic because I felt embarassed, but it is officially taking over my life now. I've spent hours and hours on the internet reading articles about power, evil, dominance, misanthropy, and hatred. I've been brooding about being a powerful, villanous figure in society, to tip the scales of justice.

Most of my life, since the age of about 13, I have had serious hangups about being a woman. I have been severely abused, raped, and especially verbally abused in my community for questioning and being different. It has made me an extremely bitter and fearful person. I see women as weak and complacent. They put up with things that other minorities don't put up with. Do you think blacks and Jews let people make music calling them n's and k's and just sit there and do nothing? When it happens to minority males, it's serious. When it happens to women it's trivial and "just the way it is." I've sat there and witnessed the same black men whining about police "harassing" them at parties turn around and abuse women and say "well that's just the way it is." It's not just men who justify mistreatment to women, women do this too. Black women tend to have a very "stand by your man" attitude. They want to be a united front about racism, and ignore sexism within the black community, and even participate in it themselves. The things public figures say about women would not be tolerated if said about black men. Like "women should lose the right to vote because they vote so stupidly" or "if civilization was left to female hands, we'd still be living in grass huts". Replace the female words with black words and tell me how that would pan out in the media.

All day I'm filled with rage and frequently well up with tears. I live a very reclusive life because I don't wish to be part of a society that functions this way and because I feel shame for being associated with weakness. Family members have noticed that I have some alchohol dependency now because I don't know where else to put my anger other than in liquor. A part of me says "don't give up, you can be a darkworker, you can gain power, influence, and dominance over your enemy and they will regret mistreating you" but most of me says "that's a pipe dream. Most people don't get to have any influence, dominance, or vengeance. Face the music: women are weak, demoralized, and defeated. Know your role and hide your face in shame." It's mentally and emotionally draining, but since vengeance is not realistic, I think the only thing I can really do is isolate myself from the world.

[Brutha]

"women should lose the right to vote because they vote so stupidly"

According to google that phrase doesn't existed in the internet before you posted it. I also don't think that it would get tolerated in today PC society.
To change reality, you first have to change your map of the world.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Brutha

According to google that phrase doesn't existed in the internet before you posted it. I also don't think that it would get tolerated in today PC society.
To change reality, you first have to change your map of the world.

I paraphrased Ann Coulter.

[Jamie]

Women are more powerful than men, I think, in just about every way apart from physical strength (not biological strength, there women are stronger).

You know, if people are saying derogatory things about you, calling you names, or trying to put you down; don't buy in to all their crap, their words are more a reflection of their own inner natures, not yours.

The best way to be, I think, is when you channel all your energy and time in to getting where you want to be in life, for YOU. To not even have enemies, because they're not significant enough to even be your enemy. The wise man doesn't take even one step away from his path, to step on an Ant..

Also, something else I thought today, and I know it's real cheesy! lol, but ...

The more you fill your heart with hate, the less room there is for love (lol, I know, that's way up there on the cheese-o-meter).

Hope that helps. x

[The Cloud]

You're so caught up in the stereotypes of others that you have failed to notice that you are the one stereotyping yourself the most. "I am a woman, thus I am weak. I am weak, thus I am miserable." Before blaming others for your beliefs, look inside yourself and ask where they are coming from. You are making yourself weak more than anybody in society, because you are handing over all the responsibility for your life to those you deem to be your enemies. Whether you are trying to win or trying to lose, you are giving the things you oppose power. If you can give up your sexism game and start taking personal responsibility for your beliefs and your feelings, then you will no longer have to fight society for your self-worth because you will be able to create worth in yourself.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Jamie

You know, if people are saying derogatory things about you, calling you names, or trying to put you down; don't buy in to all their crap, their words are more a reflection of their own inner natures, not yours.

It's one thing not to buy into their crap. It's another thing for their crap to be socially acceptable. That is completely unfair.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

You're so caught up in the stereotypes of others that you have failed to notice that you are the one stereotyping yourself the most. "I am a woman, thus I am weak. I am weak, thus I am miserable." Before blaming others for your beliefs, look inside yourself and ask where they are coming from. You are making yourself weak more than anybody in society, because you are handing over all the responsibility for your life to those you deem to be your enemies. Whether you are trying to win or trying to lose, you are giving the things you oppose power. If you can give up your sexism game and start taking personal responsibility for your beliefs and your feelings, then you will no longer have to fight society for your self-worth because you will be able to create worth in yourself.

I know exactly where they're coming from. They're coming from the fact that sexism is more socially acceptable than any other form of injustice.

No other form of injustice leads people to turn inward to change their realities. All the other forms of injustice can be remedied through social activism and scholarship.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

That is completely unfair.

Probably, but then, is life fair?

If not, how does it benefit you (or me) to begrudge lifes' unfairness? and are you trying to change, to improve, your own reality, or to change what society deems is acceptable?

I think there's perhaps merit in both, but as an aspiring dark worker, would you not be better to focus on improving your own reality; you will know your own situation best of course, but that does make sense to me.

I also very much agree with what The Cloud said.

[tracyrtwyman]

Women are 54% of the population.

That's not a minority....

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by tracyrtwyman

Women are 54% of the population.

That's not a minority....

so?

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Probably, but then, is life fair?

If not, how does it benefit you (or me) to begrudge lifes' unfairness? and are you trying to change, to improve, your own reality, or to change what society deems is acceptable?

I think there's perhaps merit in both, but as an aspiring dark worker, would you not be better to focus on improving your own reality; you will know your own situation best of course, but that does make sense to me.

I also very much agree with what The Cloud said.

when you say improve my reality, do you mean change my perceptions psychologically, or do you mean working hard to succeed so that my reality then appears to be different?

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

when you say improve my reality, do you mean change my perceptions psychologically, or do you mean working hard to succeed so that my reality then appears to be different?

Ultimately, whichever way you can, and that feels the most appropriate, for you personally.

Changing your perceptions, you may find will have good results, and will in turn affect your actual reality. How we see things, will change things. I also think it has a lot to do with where we place our attention; which is something we always have control over, no matter what our circumstances, and can be a great power.

Something else occured to me, and though it may not be relevant here, I'll mention it anyway, as it may be useful to you.

Our minds are like sponges, and they absorb whatever it is that's in our environment; thoughts, ideas, things we see on TV, etc, whatever we experience, so if you can take control of that process, and only bombard yourself with positive, or more importantly, self-empowering ideas and mind-tools; then over time, that may have positive results for you. So, just to be mindful of what you're allowing in to your mind, and the quality of what you allow in to it. As humans, we are constantly being programmed in this way.

[JSB]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I paraphrased Ann Coulter.

Ann Coulter has a screw loose, and goes out of her way to make obnoxious, outrageous statements in order to gain publicity for herself. The guy on the streetcorner is screaming about the end of the world; that doesn't mean you should stop and listen to his insane ravings.

There may be discrimination and injustice in today's world, but there are also plenty of successful, happy women fullfilling their goals in life. Does this mean that everything is perfect for all women, and society is now utopian? No, of course not, but it does mean that there are many opportunities available to women to follow their dreams.

You aren't able to right all the wrongs of this world, or banish injustice, or help everyone who has been discriminated against, but you can contribute something to these efforts, and you can improve your own life and follow your own dreams.

I think Jamie has a good point about exposing yourself to positive ideas and experiences.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Ultimately, whichever way you can, and that feels the most appropriate, for you personally.

Changing your perceptions, you may find will have good results, and will in turn affect your actual reality. How we see things, will change things. I also think it has a lot to do with where we place our attention; which is something we always have control over, no matter what our circumstances, and can be a great power.

Something else occured to me, and though it may not be relevant here, I'll mention it anyway, as it may be useful to you.

Our minds are like sponges, and they absorb whatever it is that's in our environment; thoughts, ideas, things we see on TV, etc, whatever we experience, so if you can take control of that process, and only bombard yourself with positive, or more importantly, self-empowering ideas and mind-tools; then over time, that may have positive results for you. So, just to be mindful of what you're allowing in to your mind, and the quality of what you allow in to it. As humans, we are constantly being programmed in this way.

Is there a way to erase the old memories by any chance?

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by JSB

Ann Coulter has a screw loose, and goes out of her way to make obnoxious, outrageous statements in order to gain publicity for herself. The guy on the streetcorner is screaming about the end of the world; that doesn't mean you should stop and listen to his insane ravings.

There may be discrimination and injustice in today's world, but there are also plenty of successful, happy women fullfilling their goals in life. Does this mean that everything is perfect for all women, and society is now utopian? No, of course not, but it does mean that there are many opportunities available to women to follow their dreams.
You aren't able to right all the wrongs of this world, or banish injustice, or help everyone who has been discriminated against, but you can contribute something to these efforts, and you can improve your own life and follow your own dreams.

I think Jamie has a good point about exposing yourself to positive ideas and experiences.

It's not her I'm upset about, it's a society that lets her get away with this when they would not let her get away with upsetting blacks or Jews.

Socially sanctioned sexism takes up so much mental space that I don't even have the time or energy left to pursue goals. I better work on my reality quick before I ruin my life.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

Is there a way to erase the old memories by any chance?

I don't know! If you find a way, please let me know!

Maybe they can't be erased, but I'm sure they fade over time; and also, don't have to assosiate yourself with your memories; they're not you.

Can you feel you? A deeper sense of yourself; life; that's not your memories..

Again, it's the power of focus; though your painful memories may draw your attention, you do have the power to shift your attention, to a much deeper aspect of your being..

I'm not sure how helpful that is? Maybe try breathing, to put your attention on your breath, just a suggestion.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Jamie

I don't know! If you find a way, please let me know!

Maybe they can't be erased, but I'm sure they fade over time; and also, don't have to assosiate yourself with your memories; they're not you.

Can you feel you? A deeper sense of yourself; life; that's not your memories..

Again, it's the power of focus; though your painful memories may draw your attention, you do have the power to shift your attention, to a much deeper aspect of your being..

I'm not sure how helpful that is? Maybe try breathing, to put your attention on your breath, just a suggestion.

Maybe if I focus on being a darkworker it will shift my thoughts to the present and future.

[Fullcrum]

I applaud you for coming out in public with your views and seeking our advice. That's awesome and I hope that you can bring yourself to live an awesome life. Soon, very soon...

First you must change your psychological perceptions.

Why would you want to forget your memories? Sure, it might be awesome if you were knocked out one day and woke up with no memories and then lived happily ever after with no limiting beliefs, but really, it's the bad experiences that shape you. It's the tough times that make you stronger, man or woman.

Do you really want to be a dark worker, or do you just want revenge? You might think your situation is unique, but really, pain is an almost universal human phenomena. We all have pain, we all have bad situations that are unfair, unjust, and that we wish we had never got into. But they happened, and there they are...they happened. Can you not accept that they happened? Because they did. And no amount of denial will serve you.

If you like darkworking, think of what will serve you. Will these thoughts you have serve you? How about alcohol, does that serve you?

I'd say focus on making yourself feel awesome first, because you seem to be in a pretty dark place right now. But no matter, you can definitely pull yourself out. You are human, and, man or woman, you are STRONG!

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I know exactly where they're coming from. They're coming from the fact that sexism is more socially acceptable than any other form of injustice.

No other form of injustice leads people to turn inward to change their realities. All the other forms of injustice can be remedied through social activism and scholarship.

Actually, that's not entirely true. A study was done by Ian Ayres in Chicago on car prices for whites versus blacks, and men versus women. A large sample men and women wearing similar styles of clothing and posing as upper-middle class workers was sent into car dealerships and told to argue the price of a car down as low as they could. Of course, white males had the lowest starting and ending price. Next lowest was white women. Then black women. Finally, black men got the highest initial and final offers. So being white meant more than being female. Further more, black males were more discriminated against than black females.

Where all these car dealers racist and sexist? Probably not. We all have unconscious stereotypes, stereotypes that are difficult to detect because we don't take the time to think about them, we simply act in a way that feels natural to us. How do can you prevent that with social activism and legislation? You can't. The only level that you can truly affect this kind of stereotyping on is the personal level. If you want to try the whole affirmative action thing for women, go ahead. But all that will do is make men start resenting women like many whites resent blacks for the affirmative action they receive. Perhaps a few black people have better paying jobs now, but they do it at the cost of being unconsciously maligned by those that they are being given a spoken advantage over.

Another study was done by Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson. They administered 20 questions taken from the Graduate Record Examination (GRE) to black college students. On some of the questionnaires, they asked the students to identify their race. On others, they did not. The students asked to identify their race ended up getting half as many correct answers as the unasked group. The instant they were asked to think about race, they automatically assumed a negative stereotype of themselves. So by stereotyping themselves they shot themselves in the foot, so to speak.

My point is that it is YOUR negative stereotype of women that you need to change before you can affect any kind of reasonable change in society. If you can't even stop stereotyping yourself, how can you expect others to do so for you? Prejudice starts with you, and so in ending it you may as well start with yourself.

[Dan.Linehan]

@ Cromagna: Why don't you work towards becoming a lawyer, or a police woman? Some sort of career where you'll feel more powerful -- one that has more of an emphasis on justice.

What sort of work do you do now?