What do woman look for in a man?

[Mr_A]

What traits do woman look for in a man?
And
What traits do woman hate finding in men?

This is an opportunity for woman to enlighten the average Joe

[Rockchick26]

I have realized i'm a bit abnormal when it comes to what i want in a guy,but i'll go ahead and enlighten you anyway LOL

I'd say the single most important thing i look for is a guy who can be friends first. It is hard for me to want someone when i'm too busy pushing him away,hoping he doesnt try to kiss me after only knowing me for 2 hours. also look for a guy who isnt clingy. Who can go a few days without talking,who has friends he hangs out with on a regular basis,who has interests and hobbies other than ME.I look for a guy who is a little reserved,a little shy,and dare i say insecure...i dont know why but that just opens me right up and i just wanna be closer to him.

As for what i HATE in guys...pretty much reverse everything i said. I hate when guys only want sex,or they wanna get to know you too but still try to fool around before you're ready. I also hate when guys call you repeatedly non stop until they reach you. Or when you are trying to get some breathing space and they call you more than once before you call them back. I also hate when guys are obnoxious and loud and rude. Basically the way most men behave in bars. I also hate guys who lie or cheat. Honesty is always good!

[cylon]

Take everything the women say they want in a guy, do the opposite, and you're set.

[cylon]

There's intention one (rockchick wants a real man):

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

also look for a guy who isnt clingy. Who can go a few days without talking,who has friends he hangs out with on a regular basis,who has interests and hobbies other than ME.

Here's intention two:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I look for a guy who is a little reserved,a little shy,and dare i say insecure...i dont know why but that just opens me right up and i just wanna be closer to him.

....which cancels out intention one.

definition of insecure:

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I also hate when guys call you repeatedly non stop until they reach you. Or when you are trying to get some breathing space and they call you more than once before you call them back.

So you want a clingy, insecure man who is confident and has a life of his own.

[Squid]

Self-sufficiency, compassion, a strong work ethic, an odd sense of humor, goals, and an interest in traveling.

What women look for in a mate depends on the woman. These are all things I appreciate, and at this point in my life I will not sacrifice when determining if I want to have a relationship with someone.

I've heard people say that work ethic/being self sufficient shouldn't matter, but for me they do. I have a good job, I wake up in the morning and I work to maintain a lifestyle that I enjoy and I feel it's important to look for a mate that desires the same in life.

[m4xx]

As for the work ethic part I just HAVE to refer to
Anekdote zur Senkung der Arbeitsmoral - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Squid]

That's an excellent story!

What I mean when I say strong work ethic is just someone that isn't content to live on their parents couch for the rest of their lives, but instead get an education and find something they love to do that will allow them to live comfortably.

[Jamie]

I'm not a girl, but..

One thing that occurs to me, is a guy should not change or mold his character, in order to fit what pleases, a (typical) woman. He should live his life, and be the person he wants to be, for himself; not to make anyone else happy.

A woman can sense when a man is adapting himself to her. To fit in with her needs and wants. If she senses him changing to fit her, she'll rightly conclude that he lacks integrity and inner strength. She's more likely to want a man who has his act together, and has internal strength, knows himself, knows his own mind, and cannot be manipulated.

So, really, I'd say the whole precept of this thread is flawed.

Don't be the kind of man that you think women will want, be the kind of man, that YOU, will feel proud to be. Women can then, either take you or leave you, that's up to them.

[m4xx]

I strongly agree to this!
I was going to say "women are probably searching for men who don't go in public forums and ask how to be attractive towards women"
(please don't take this personally, Mr_A!)

[cylon]

Good point Jaimie.

Women want men. Men do their own thing.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Squid

Self-sufficiency, compassion, a strong work ethic, an odd sense of humor, goals, and an interest in traveling.

What women look for in a mate depends on the woman. These are all things I appreciate, and at this point in my life I will not sacrifice when determining if I want to have a relationship with someone.

I've heard people say that work ethic/being self sufficient shouldn't matter, but for me they do. I have a good job, I wake up in the morning and I work to maintain a lifestyle that I enjoy and I feel it's important to look for a mate that desires the same in life.

Yep -- spot on Squid.

Basically, a guy who's honest, warm-hearted, sincere, intelligent, loves ideas, cares about others, and has some common interests and some different ones.

See Steve's How to Be a Man article.

[Dannyboy1]

A woman!

[m4xx]

Sometimes I think women look for a headache in a man cause they'd most likely give you one *lol*

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

See Steve's How to Be a Man article.

That's a really well written and all together excellent article, well done Steve.

[Sentient]

There are people who have actually "reverse engineered" the answer to this already.

They've wondered if "attribute X" is positive or negative with women and then they'll go out and meet 1000+ different women to see how they actually react to it. Then they take notes.

Of course, what you quickly find out when studying it is that women are attracted to someone who just "has their stuff together."

I went through all this study myself and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I changed more in just the first 2 months of doing this than in years of pursuing other personal growth methods. The reason is because you're forced to stop asking other people their opinions and actually *start finding out for yourself* You have no idea how many misperceptions and false beliefs you have about the opposite sex until they routinely get disproved to your face again and again in real interactions.

It's an incredible realization when you wake up one day and find out that most of what you thought was wrong, and if you start asking that question about other areas of your life too you can end up in some amazing places.

I could boil it down and give you the rough "blueprint" here, but that would be pointless since you'd be missing the context of everything. Since I'm not going to plug a service on the msgboard, if you're really interested I can refer you to one of the resources I used that has the approach down right IMHO. In fact, the first 100 things they have you do have nothing to do with hitting on women..they all have to do with breaking down your false beliefs and getting you to clean up your own life.

As an example..I had to beg for change for one of the advanced assignments. The point was to both get me accustomed to facing something I am probably scared of, as well as to gain information about how people view someone who wants something from them. It was a really eye opening experience. Don't worry..you won't be assigned this off the bat and not until you can actually handle it. They start out really easy.

If you actually follow through with this, rest assured you will notice A) you're more comfortable around everyone, women included B) everyone will be more attracted to you, women included. C) The rest of your life will flow much more easily too . Point C of course takes us back to the fact that, in the end, it just comes down to having your stuff together.

Seriously, us men are REALLY lucky that a so easily accessible medium like this exists for personal growth (meeting and talking to women). It can be tough being a guy, but I feel like had I been a woman, I would have had a much harder time learning some of the lessons that I've been fortunate enough to have women teach me.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by cylon

Take everything the women say they want in a guy, do the opposite, and you're set.

haha love it

[jaamkie]

personally, I like a guy that is very intelligent but humble, thoughtful and a good listener, spontaneous and independent, likes to analyze things but also likes plunging into new situations, someone who doesn't need me but clearly strongly wants me without any nonsense.

[Alexjstrandberg]

What it Means to Be A Man : A Modern Men’s Resource - TSB Magazine

here's an article I wrote for friends of mine on what it means to be a man and what women look for

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cylon

There's intention one (rockchick wants a real man):


Here's intention two:


....which cancels out intention one.

definition of insecure:



So you want a clingy, insecure man who is confident and has a life of his own.

I dont see where i said i wanted him to be confident...to me confidence=cockiness. And i didnt say i wanted a clingy guy,i want the OPPOSITE of clingy. Maybe you read that wrong LOL

By insecure i mean,deep down being afraid he won't be loved enough. I want someone who has friends and hobbies and doesnt need constant approval,but who lets down their guard and reveals sensitivity and honesty about his fears and insecurities. I think insecure sounds bad,i dont know what the word is for what i'm trying to say...like when a guy gets kinda quiet and shy and doesnt think he deserves to be loved. I like to prove him wrong Like if a guy would say "she would never like ME". Maybe that isn't insecurity then,but i hope you get the idea.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Cockyiness isn't confidence. Cockyiness is insecurity masked as confidence. Same with arrogance.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

personally, I like a guy that is very intelligent but humble, thoughtful and a good listener, spontaneous and independent, likes to analyze things but also likes plunging into new situations, someone who doesn't need me but clearly strongly wants me without any nonsense.

If I wasn't so humble, I'd say that's me...

Don't you think humble is the opposite of "likes plunging into new situations" though? What do you think?

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

Cockyiness isn't confidence. Cockyiness is insecurity masked as confidence. Same with arrogance.

lol well,then,i like insecure guys who dont let it build into cockiness...i like them to be humble and down to earth.

I dont like confidence because to me its like theyre saying 'I know i can get this girl so i expect to". I dont like when guys expect that i will like them,or expect it to work out. Thats probably why i like insecure guys cuz they don't KNOW they can get what they want,so they kinda go around feeling like nobody will like them,which makes me like them MORE,and then when i DO like them,they seem almost like they have been saved. I have this wierd thing for saving people,i dont know what it is. but to me the ultimate situation would be to become friends with a guy who is shy and insecure with women but we slowly build up the friendship and then suddenly one day we both just realize we love each other and then i can prove to him that he is worth loving.

I suppose somebody here will dissect that and tell me that means something about my psyche,go right ahead though LOL

[Alexjstrandberg]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

lol well,then,i like insecure guys who dont let it build into cockiness...i like them to be humble and down to earth.

I dont like confidence because to me its like theyre saying 'I know i can get this girl so i expect to". I dont like when guys expect that i will like them,or expect it to work out. Thats probably why i like insecure guys cuz they don't KNOW they can get what they want,so they kinda go around feeling like nobody will like them,which makes me like them MORE,and then when i DO like them,they seem almost like they have been saved. I have this wierd thing for saving people,i dont know what it is. but to me the ultimate situation would be to become friends with a guy who is shy and insecure with women but we slowly build up the friendship and then suddenly one day we both just realize we love each other and then i can prove to him that he is worth loving.

I suppose somebody here will dissect that and tell me that means something about my psyche,go right ahead though LOL

thats pretty interesting. I'm genuinely curious, how long do those relationships last? if he is insecure to begin with, what kills the attraction in the relationships that didn't last?

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

thats pretty interesting. I'm genuinely curious, how long do those relationships last? if he is insecure to begin with, what kills the attraction in the relationships that didn't last?

Not that I can speak for Rockchick here, but I think she means she wants someone who is real. Real guys are not greek gods. They are imperfect. No one has it all together.

I've been in relationships with women who put me on a pedestal and wouldn't allow me to just be a normal human being. Guess how long those relationships lasted?

[Pegasus]

What traits do woman look for in a man?
And
What traits do woman hate finding in men?

Last time I did this exercise, I had to stop when it got to 3 pages long!

I look for a guy who is friendly, intelligent, trustworthy, reliable, keeps his word, a man of integrity. Friendly, outgoing (I am introvert and am drawn to extraverts), has a good sense of humor, takes an interest in the world (community, politics), votes, who is well-educated (self-taught is okay), who READS and has goals that he is working towards. A man who is nice looking, takes care of himself healthwise, is nurturing, likes kids and likes cats (My cats are my children!).

Huge turn-offs:
Arrogant guys who are really full of themselves. Control freaks. Guys who enjoy putting others down to make themselves look better. Guys who treat gay men disrespectfully. Guys who act like they have the perfect solutions for all my problems or who give me unsolicited advice. Guys who use the phrase “psycho ex-girlfriend.” Guys who do not take their hats off when they are indoors.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

thats pretty interesting. I'm genuinely curious, how long do those relationships last? if he is insecure to begin with, what kills the attraction in the relationships that didn't last?

Relationships just don't last,its a fact. Some do,but most don't. I would say that most of my "relationships" (if you can call them that) ended because the guys wanted to get physical too soon. My first requirement is a guy who can be friends first,so,i'm pretty limited,cuz most guys can't wait that long LOL

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

Not that I can speak for Rockchick here, but I think she means she wants someone who is real. Real guys are not greek gods. They are imperfect. No one has it all together.

I've been in relationships with women who put me on a pedestal and wouldn't allow me to just be a normal human being. Guess how long those relationships lasted?

Yeah you interpreted that pretty good! Real,yeah...like a guy who lets his insecurities show. But,ironically,thats probably why i tend to like bad boys because i know deep down they ARE real (i mean,obviously EVERYONE is real),i just want to dig down to that part and get him to trust me enough to expose it. I want to work for it.

Here's a good analogy. You're walking through a field of flowers and you want to pick one. All the flowers are beautiful,in full bloom,waving in the wind practically begging for you to pick them. I'm the girl who looks for the flower that is a little bit smaller than the others,that hasnt fully bloomed yet,was stepped on a few times,and is afraid that,in the shadow of all the other flowers,he will never be able to bloom and never be seen as beautiful. But i find this flower,pick it,and take care of it,knowing that soon it will completely bloom and be thankful that i saved it,out of ALL the flowers,i chose to believe in the one no one else was willing to save.

Damn that was beautiful if i do say so myself!

[blazer1]

There have actually been studies on this.

It turns out ... there is a difference between what woman want, and what they need.

What woman want is a man who is the total opposite of what they need. They are sexually attracted to men who are selfish, arrogant, cocky ... basically more masculine.

But what they need is a man who is sensitive, caring, loving, giving and kind - a softy.

Perhaps the softy gurantees he will stick around to look after the children and her?

This is not to say the first type cannot be sensitive, caring etc ... it's the predominant display of actions which constitutes to ones frontmost character.

[callum828]

For some bizzare reason, women never tell the truth when you ask them this. Ask a woman if she likes a guy who is rich. She will either say no or give some euphemism for rich like 'hard-working', very rarely will a woman be honest about it. Yet if you look at who women marry, money is a huge factor.

It's like asking guys what the most important factor is in a woman. Men tend to be less sensitive to what other people think in these cases, yet many will deny that looks are most important. Yet look at the women who are most in demand, it's the good looking ones.

Here's an idea. Start a new thread, and ask any women on the board to describe their last boyfriend, completely honestly, warts and all, without trying to sanitise the description. Your answer is what women want.

And to those saying 'it depends on the girl', while it is true that there is variation in preferences, for the most part this is untrue. It's similar to saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If this is the case, then nothing to truly beautiful. If everyone is special, no one is special.

Look at the guys women actually date and have sex with. That's what they want in a guy.

[Pegasus]

Originally Posted by callum828

Here's an idea. Start a new thread, and ask any women on the board to describe their last boyfriend, completely honestly, warts and all, without trying to sanitise the description. Your answer is what women want.

Not last boyfriend. If he were what a woman wanted, she would still be with him (unless, of course, he broke up with her)! Ask a woman to describe her current boyfriend.

Look at the guys women actually date and have sex with. That's what they want in a guy.

Agreed, at least for the short-term. While women might date the "bad boys," they tend to marry the "nice guys."