Do you think to be married is good idea

[PerDev]

Hi, Do you think to be married is good idea, if yes What are the good thing that you would have in it.

[srbelnap]

I personally think that marriage is an excellent, but I am a bit confused as to the second part of your question. Are you asking what is good about marriage, or what is good to incorporate in a marriage?

[Trezker]

I don't think there's anything bad about getting married. But I don't see any benefits either, unless you have a family that would complain a lot if you don't marry.

[mahreenferdous]

What's the difference between marriage and being in a committed relationship and living in the same place etc. What difference does a contract make? The reason I say this is because other than legally it doesnt' change very much if you are truly committed to someone. Also, if the relationship sours the piece of paper won't save it. So why the construct?

[Ceros]

To each his own, I suppose.

I am not interested in marriage, but I would reconsider if I believed that I would benefit financially from such an ordeal.

[Kate Saltfleet]

I don't see anything wrong in getting married if it is what you and your partner want to do. However, I do sometimes think that it is something that you do for other people rather than yourselves. By that I mean to keep your family happy, to feel "respectable", for status. All things that don't really matter when it comes to how you live your lives together.

[Anand Dhillon]

I think a lot of people end up getting married simply because it is the socially conditioned thing to do. That being said, if you are in a committed relationship, getting married can have tax benefits.

[dyhppy]

marriage CAN be wonderful, but be warned that it has a very dark side. people can change after getting married. to sum it up, they stop trying. stop being kind, understanding, nice, thoughtful, etc. i would be very cautious about it and dont envy people who have gotten married young.

[Marco Polo]

WARNING TO MEN: If something goes seriously wrong and you end up getting divorced, you may have to kiss your children (+ half your possesions) goodbye. Is that a wager you're willing to make?

[ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by PerDev

Hi, Do you think to be married is good idea, if yes What are the good thing that you would have in it.

Marriage is a committment. I think it adds a level of security that can allow partners to relax a bit. It's a pledge to take care of each other in thick or thin, whereas, living together or dating are until I feel like leaving. It's comforting knowing your partner cares enough abuut you to want a committed relationship with you.

It can have financial advantages as well like being able to cover each other on the better of the two medical policies. Of course there's the marriage penalty tax to offset that gain.

What's good to have in a marriage? Friendship. You need to enjoy each other's company and have things you enjoy doing together. You're going to be together for a long time and love and sexual desire wax and wane. It's not unusual to fall in and out of love with your spouse several times during the course of a marriage but if the foundation is there, if the relationship works for both parties, you'll weather those storms and become a stronger couple for having gone through them.

[Squid]

I think it depends on the person.

Marriage can be great for some people. I know some that seem like they were just born for it. For me? Notsomuch. I see no benefit in it.

I also have no plans to have children so I think this could be related to my indifference toward marriage.

[Angela]

I don't see anything wrong with getting married. But I do think many people get married in order to *get* something: like security, support, someone to take care of & who will take care of them, and all the illusionary and often unspoken "debts" that come with marriage (you know, like "you married me, so you're not supposed to ever feel lust for anyone else" or "marriage means you have to give me a present every year (take me out once a week, go on all your vacations with me, keep no secrets from me, etc.).

I think marriage -- all romantic relationships, actually -- are spiritual opportunities for evolution, and the most successful ones (the ones in which all parties feel good and on purpose) are the ones in which each person takes 100% responsibility and is committed to:

...discovering their capacity for love, forgiveness, compassion, personal greatness, and full self-expression. Nowhere else will you meet the grandest and smallest parts of yourself. Nowhere else will you confront your self-imposed limits to intimacy. Nowhere else can you forgive so deeply or love so purely.

This is relationship's real purpose: to serve the mutual growth and soulful expression of each individual. It's a chance to share your enthusiasm for being alive and give of yourself to another. Relationship provides the opportunity to shed light on any area within you that remains cloaked in fear and uncertainty, to hold a vision of another's greatness so that he may step into the magnificence his soul is yearning to express. In this way, relationship becomes the ultimate tool for personal discovery and spiritual growth.

When we engage in relationship to see what we can put into it rather than what we can get out of it, our whole lives transform.

That's a quote from Marie Forleo's "Make Every Man Want You" (a misleading title -- it's really about personal development). She articulates so well the concept of 100% responsibility for living a life you love, without actually ever using that phrase.

[Daffy Duck]

Angela, that sounds like a quote from Conversations with God. I'm not sure which book came first, but maybe one author was "inspired" by the other.

[Angela]

You might be right. I hear a lot of influences in her writing, and they all resonate for me. I highly recommend her book.

[ns123]

Marriage is always a good idea, but only to the right person for you, for the right reasons. It's the 2nd two that's hard to pin down.

[SomeRandomGuy]

I have been very happily married for 10 years. At this point in my life, however, I really don't see what is to great about marriage. It seems to me that a commitment between two people who love each other is more than sufficient. I don't see any reason to bring the government or the church into the matter.

In fact, because of the way in which marriage is being treated currently in this country I would not agree to a legal marriage if I were not already married. My wife and I have actually discussed (although not very seriously) getting divorced, as a protest against the current system. As a white heterosexual male I do not want to be given any special treatment that is not offered to every other citizen of this country. Until every citizen country has the freedom to marry whom they want, I could not even consider entering into a legal marriage. To me that would be too much like accepting a job after a friend was denied the same position based on his/her race or gender. In other words, if that is how the system works, I don't want to be part of it.

[garentee]

I am a single never married male. Until fairly recently I thought marriage a fine idea. After seeing how people treat marriage and how marriage occurs for often times the wrong reasons, I think I have begun to change my views on it. That being said though it is a good idea if you like it. My parents had a good solid marriage(as far as I know) so I have no ax to grind there. There are some that say that marriage is not just a word, its a sentence. I would not go so far as to say that though. It is what you make it.

[Lauxa]

Well, one good thing about marriage is that if one of you is employed the other can get health care from the other person's company. Or one can be the employee with benefits and the other can be the contractor with higher rate-per-hour because benefits are provided by the employee.

Another good thing is the status each of you gains in the family of the other. So that through marriage you both gain access to a larger family network.

I also think monogamous relationships in general are a good compromise relationship so that both partners can feel an equal investment in supporting the offspring as well as safety from one partner contracting STDs. Although I have to admit being intrigued by polygamous and polyandrous marriage arrangements.

I think the standard marriage contract is not very good and a better contract could be negotiated by both parties before entering the marriage, but I was too lazy to do this myself.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Anand Dhillon

I think a lot of people end up getting married simply because it is the socially conditioned thing to do. That being said, if you are in a committed relationship, getting married can have tax benefits.

Something that people often overlook is common law marriage. In many states if you live together like man and wife, then after some period of time (typically, IIRC, a couple of years) you are for many legal purposes man and wife. So men who think they are protecting assets in case of problems may be quite surprised to find out otherwise. Especially if the woman does not work and/or doesn't contribute to living expenses.

--Bob

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by ivorytickler

Marriage is a committment. I think it adds a level of security that can allow partners to relax a bit. It's a pledge to take care of each other in thick or thin, whereas, living together or dating are until I feel like leaving. It's comforting knowing your partner cares enough about you to want a committed relationship with you.

I can't claim any personal experience here but if you are in a committed intimate relationship, even without benefit of official social sanction (aka marriage) it's still just as true that "breaking up is hard to do". Maybe for some people their attachment to the idea of marriage influences things, but in reality a relationship is a relationship and a marriage is a contract.

As for marriage as a token of commitment -- I have seen married people who wouldn't know loyalty or devotion if it struck them in the face, so marriage is only as significant as both parties choose to make it. I doubt marriage itself has a reliable influence in stabilizing and cementing a commitment. What impresses me in a couple is not the details or formality of their relationship agreement, but whether they both love AND like each other with some intensity after many years.

Originally Posted by ivorytickler

What's good to have in a marriage? Friendship. You need to enjoy each other's company and have things you enjoy doing together. You're going to be together for a long time and love and sexual desire wax and wane. It's not unusual to fall in and out of love with your spouse several times during the course of a marriage but if the foundation is there, if the relationship works for both parties, you'll weather those storms and become a stronger couple for having gone through them.

Agreed. I have found that in practice, while love is essential, it's not enough. It's at least as important to LIKE each other as it is to love each other. Love (as it really is, not as the term is widely misused / abused) is just a decision to put someone else's interests and welfare on a level of importance at least equal to your own. There needn't be any joy in that though. It can be nothing more than duty. The other person doesn't have to deserve it because love is a gift.

But if you LIKE each other ... now you're cookin'. That's in my view one of the most-overlooked aspects of intimate relationships -- actively and continuously cultivating and protecting a mutual appreciation. Most couples spend too much time trying to force their personalities on each other.

My canonical example was a woman who was whining in some online forum about how her husband refused to clean the bathroom mirror. Another woman, both older and wiser, said, "Honey, get real. You aren't cleaning the bathroom mirror for him. He doesn't give a sh_t. You're doing it for you. You're the one who values a clean mirror, so get off your ass and clean it yourself."

In no time, that older woman had six half-serious proposals from the men lurking in that discussion forum!

--Bob

[muzzy]

Being married a long time now, I would say that marriage (with or without the paperwork) is a convergence of two souls. Physical marriage on earth can be very trying at times, but the spiritual bonding of marriage is truly a miracle. I would say that it is not possible for all, but if you are fortunate to find your soul mate, nothing (including money) is important enough to separate you. I live and breath my partner and together or apart, it is as though we are the same person.

[lasti]

Originally Posted by Trezker

I don't think there's anything bad about getting married. But I don't see any benefits either, unless you have a family that would complain a lot if you don't marry.

That's exactly what I think about marriage.

[karinalynn]

Originally Posted by PerDev

Hi, Do you think to be married is good idea, if yes What are the good thing that you would have in it.

If you have to ask this question, I would say it's not a good idea for you.