Boundaries

[Megan]

I live in a housemate situation with someone who is supposedly my "friend," but who doesn't honor my repeated requests to not go in my room (and do Lord knows what) when I'm at work.

I am creeped out, and wonder how I could have ever kidded myself into believing that this person is my friend.

OK, you can tell me to move now.

[Angela]

I'll bet she does it because she wants to find hints of how she can become as fabulous as you are.

And I'll bet she's ashamed of doing it.

[m4xx]

hmmm... yes, move. I think I know such persons, cause a relative of me is like that. unteachable... I never understood what kind of sick mind makes one act like that. Some people just LOVE to intrude privacy... I hate that

if you already told him/her not to do that, what else can you do...

[Ceros]

Had a previous roommate do that to me. I left without paying rent after she stole my laptop.

[Megan]

Originally Posted by Angela

I'll bet she does it because she wants to find hints of how she can become as fabulous as you are.

And I'll bet she's ashamed of doing it.

Now I'm creeped out even more, Angela, but that does resonate.

I do feel that she's "unteachable," as M4xx suggested, & that I should just leave as Ceros did.

Hey. I have to admit--I'm getting something from this--someone thinking I'm so wonderful that they feel they have to soak it up (and tell others), 'cause my wonderfulness is better than their own.

Yuck.

Now I'm creeping my own self out.

[Alexjstrandberg]

roommates, ugh. I learned my lesson to never have roommates again so many friendships get ruined by living together.

yeah move into your own place if you can. People are fickle and very few can understand boundaries let alone respect them.

[Gene]

Perhaps if you installed a lock on your room that would be a boundary your room mate would respect.

[Angela]

....or rig up a can of paint to fall on the head of intruders.

[sheffy4]

Lol I like Angela's idea.

[Megan]

Tis indeed true that few understand boundaries, least of all moi, it seems.

There are reasons why I can't install a lock in this particular situation, or I would in a heartbeat and be done with it.

In some of my darker ruminations, the paint can scenario has run through my mind, as well as various other Home Alone ideas.

I really hate to admit how much this thing is eating my lunch. The lil angel on my right shoulder says, "All is One! Open your doors and feed the world all your energy," and the lil devil on my left shoulder says, "The heck you say!!!"

But the "100% Responsibility" thing holds in every situation, I trow, as well as the "remove the beam from your own eye before removing the mote from your housemate's eye," so I have reluctantly...verrrry reluctantly...started to sort out my own issues here. The world is full of people with no sense of boundaries, tis true, but why do I keep drawing them like flies?

So I'm trying to burn off some of the karma that makes me addicted to privacy and downgrade all that to a preference for privacy, while, at the same, time fully intending to have my privacy honored whilst being a loving person at the same time.

And I'm trying to see where I am leaching the other person's energy myself, and I see glaring areas where I am doing just that. Drat. I hate it when that happens.

This feels like trying to write a PhD dissertation while in the first grade to me, or keeping a bunch of plates spinning while riding a galloping horse...or something....

I just feel so self-righteously entitled to my privacy! And, besides, it makes such a good drama to go 'round and 'round about, if you're into such things (apparently I am). This thing just pushes every button I have to push, it seems. (Good growth opportunity, IOW.)

Anyway, someone just sent me an e-mail about a nice little place for slightly more than I'm paying now, so I'm working on the idea of leaving with love, because "you can't really leave something until you leave it in love," which I think is true, but, I have to admit, sometimes the paint can scenario is more appealing. (That smell is my karma burning....)

Well...it's all good...thanks for listening!

[Playlife]

Sorry for the OT, but who is a roommate? Is it someone you share your room with? Or like, one in one room and the other in the other room?

I think I can't imagine myself sharing my room with anyone else but my sweetheart... I have quite some boundaries.

[Megan]

A roomate you share a room with and a housemate you share a house with.

I had roomates in highschool and college, and now I have housemates (this is a very expensive area to live).

This issue, for me, is expanding my vision to see myself living in this area, which I love, with my own place, and having completely dissolved all reactivity around privacy issues.

It's all good.

PS: For the last two days I've been trying Tibetan Prostrations as a spiritual exercise with these sayings:

• I prostrate myself into the love of all living beings.
• I prostrate myself into endless patience.
• I prostrate myself into absolute honesty.
• I prostrate myself into compassion for the poor.
• I prostrate myself into absolute tolerance.
• I prostrate myself into radiant truth.
• I prostrate myself into deep circumspection
• I prostrate myself into true kindness.
• I prostrate myself into the golden abundance of all encounters that this unique day will give me.

I have to say that I felt immediately different about my housemate and my part in this little drama after I did the first set of prostrations. Not yet over my dark ruminations, but seeing through them a little bit better.