Ladder Theory -- an accurate way to explain male/female relationships?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

ONS - definitely not.

Girlfriends - It can, but I've heard of women leaving millionaires to live with poorer boyfriends because they give them a better experience emotionally.

I think that's what I'm getting at.

That makes sense. I can defintely see how if everything about a guy is wonderful, he wouldn't need money. I guess it's just that most of the guys I know who don't have jobs/money haven't cultivated the other things that would make them desirable either. They do still get women, actually, only the women they get are kind of messed up as well.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

ONS - definitely not.

Girlfriends - It can, but I've heard of women leaving millionaires to live with poorer boyfriends because they give them a better experience emotionally.

I think that's what I'm getting at.

But, not without the alimony, right?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

But, not without the alimony, right?

Ok, I have to give it to you. That was a good one.

[Fullcrum]

Haha, awesome.

[robc]

But seriously, maybe I'm a genetic abnormality or something but I think about $ex on a fairly frequent basis and lately I've been lucky enough to experience it fairly frequently and my desire hasn't been diminished.

I think it's normal for a guy to be thinking about it frequently - that's just me, I may be different from most guys.

My own point of view on what women are attracted to...
- your personality helps, if you're an a_ _ hole, you aren't going to keep your girlfriend for very long
- being confident in yourself, showing it, that's very attractive to women
- I don't think you have to be a Brad Pitt look alike to be attractive to women
- sense of humor, definitely attractive to women, women like it when a man makes them laugh - back to the personality thing
- being ambitious in some form or fashion helps alot
- I think mysterious in some way (not being a completely open book that everyone knows every detail of your life) is attractive to women
- showing leadership characteristics is attractive to women, having a plan, say you're going out with a women and she asks what you would want to do, actually saying that you want to go out for coffee, or go out for a steak or go out to see a movie, etc. instead of saying "doesn't matter to me" - I think that makes a difference to women, it shows that things do matter to you
- not being too cocky but not being insecure and shy either, women aren't attracted to shy & insecure (maybe a few are but for the most part, it isn't attractive)
- I don't think you have to be rich to be attractive
- good looks help but if you have alot of these other qualities, I think alot of women will be attracted to you regardless, women tend to look deeper than men do (I can speak for myself although I'm sure it's true of other men, I think we look at physical beauty first & foremost - it's probably a subconscious thing)

- although I say good looks aren't a determining factor of attractiveness overall to women, if you show that you give a $h_t about your appearance, I think that's attractive to women - if you don't dress like a slob, get a haircut every 3-6 months, bathe regularly and your clothes are relatively clean (I'm laughing as I'm writing all of this), I think women find this attractive, men who take care of their appearance - I've personally noticed that women have noticed this about me and I can see that they look at me "differently", in a weird sort of way, you can almost sense their attraction toward you (kind of hard to explain with the written word I'm sure)

Does any of this make sense? (I know I'm not the easiest person to understand especially in alot of my long winded posts)

And as I finish writing this post, I'm reminded that I'm still thinking about $ex, I wouldn't say it's constant, I just tend to think about it 90 seconds of every minute

LOL!

[fitx3]

Robc, I think you are very normal. I truly believe that men have a basic drive that has been passed down for many, many years that trails back to the cave man days. Man must pass out his seed to every possible female to keep the clan growing and strong. I think if we all had a normal childhood, meaning that our parents didn't screw us up somehow (there are many variables), we would all have a healthy sex drive for the most part.

I would say that ultimately when it comes to the men that women are attracted to, most are attracted to something in that man that makes them feel secure. This is all different depending on what makes her feel secure. For example, a woman who grew up in poor conditions with a father who could not provide security to his family yet still maintained good values may likely be attracted to a hard working man with a steady income. The woman who grew up in poor conditions with a nagging mother who continuously needed more and more may grow up to attract a rich but unscrupulous man. A woman who grew up in a very controlling family environment may be attracted to the outlaw biker. I'm sure you get my point. It all goes back to our childhood. But with that said, there is one thing for sure and that is ALL women like strength. A woman who feels secure at the side of an unsightly and frail rich man will always check out the financially struggling fitness buff, whether she's aware of it or not. This is most likely to happen during her ovulation cycle. Us women too have carried a lot back with us from the days of the cave!

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

I agree about the men wanting only sex is wrong. That's a juvenile way to think and not true with a real man. I do believe the money thing, though. When I was totally broke, I had women who dated me because they liked me, but eventually, they would decide I wasn't going to be Donald Trump and changed their mind. Women want security and they think that if a guy has no money, he's too immature to be marriage material.

Well that is still a stereotype because not all women are into money. i wouldnt dump a guy just cuz he worked at a gas station or fast food place. In fact,i almost got engaged to my ex boyfriend who at the time quit his $14 an hour job and moved back in with his parents. A person can ALWAYS get a job and make more money,but their personality usually doesnt change. So i stick with what really matters.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by fitx3

Robc, I think you are very normal. I truly believe that men have a basic drive that has been passed down for many, many years that trails back to the cave man days. Man must pass out his seed to every possible female to keep the clan growing and strong. I think if we all had a normal childhood, meaning that our parents didn't screw us up somehow (there are many variables), we would all have a healthy sex drive for the most part.

I would say that ultimately when it comes to the men that women are attracted to, most are attracted to something in that man that makes them feel secure. This is all different depending on what makes her feel secure. For example, a woman who grew up in poor conditions with a father who could not provide security to his family yet still maintained good values may likely be attracted to a hard working man with a steady income. The woman who grew up in poor conditions with a nagging mother who continuously needed more and more may grow up to attract a rich but unscrupulous man. A woman who grew up in a very controlling family environment may be attracted to the outlaw biker. I'm sure you get my point. It all goes back to our childhood. But with that said, there is one thing for sure and that is ALL women like strength. A woman who feels secure at the side of an unsightly and frail rich man will always check out the financially struggling fitness buff, whether she's aware of it or not. This is most likely to happen during her ovulation cycle. Us women too have carried a lot back with us from the days of the cave!

The more i read on this thread the more i think i am really abnormal LOL First,regarding this post about security,i couldn't care less about that,cuz to me,being in a relationship isnt about security,its about love. Also,regarding RobC's post...i also LOVE shy insecure guys!! Guys who are confident come off as cocky to me,arrogant. I love it when a guy is shy and insecure,when he acts like he really wants me to like him but he is afraid i dont

[fitx3]

But doesn't the feeling of being in love with a man who is insecure make you feel secure? Like I said, it's different for everyone. That's why attractiveness can not be categorized the same way by all women. I believe we are attracted to the things that add up to what makes us feel secure.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Well that is still a stereotype because not all women are into money. i wouldnt dump a guy just cuz he worked at a gas station or fast food place. In fact,i almost got engaged to my ex boyfriend who at the time quit his $14 an hour job and moved back in with his parents. A person can ALWAYS get a job and make more money,but their personality usually doesnt change. So i stick with what really matters.

How old are you? You sound young because you have a young woman's attitude about it. Women in their 30's think differently. I guarantee it.

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

How old are you? You sound young because you have a young woman's attitude about it. Women in their 30's think differently. I guarantee it.

Yeah. Stay up on the night before your 30th birthday. One second you'll be thinking one way, and then Boom! you'll think you were crazy to think of it any other way.

Tried and true. Countless scientists have totally wired lots of 29 year-old women up and read their thoughts as they turned 30. And then they showed them their latest bank statement and had sex with them.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

Yeah. Stay up on the night before your 30th birthday. One second you'll be thinking one way, and then Boom! you'll think you were crazy to think of it any other way.

Tried and true. Countless scientists have totally wired lots of 29 year-old women up and read their thoughts as they turned 30. And then they showed them their latest bank statement and had sex with them.

As you get older and have more experience, you look back and wonder why you thought the way you did. If you can't admit that, it's your ego and it will only hurt you to defend your inexperience as opposed to learning something. Of course, you'll probably rebel now against what I just said, even though it's a fact that you'll be wiser in the future than you are now.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by fitx3

But doesn't the feeling of being in love with a man who is insecure make you feel secure? Like I said, it's different for everyone. That's why attractiveness can not be categorized the same way by all women. I believe we are attracted to the things that add up to what makes us feel secure.

I dont get what people mean by secure,secure as in you know you arent alone? I dont need that feeling,i'm secure being alone. Or do you mean secure money wise? I dont need that either,since i make enough to take care of myself,and even if i didnt,it isnt a guy's responsibility to pay for me. And even if i was married,i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself money wise.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

How old are you? You sound young because you have a young woman's attitude about it. Women in their 30's think differently. I guarantee it.

I'm gonna be 36 in August. I do have a young woman's attitude,i look,feel and act way younger than i am and i'm proud of that. So if me and you had made a bet on how old i was,you'd be owing me some money,big time! lol

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

As you get older and have more experience, you look back and wonder why you thought the way you did. If you can't admit that, it's your ego and it will only hurt you to defend your inexperience as opposed to learning something. Of course, you'll probably rebel now against what I just said, even though it's a fact that you'll be wiser in the future than you are now.

I know this wasnt aimed at me,but i have to say; teenagers have more experience than i do. I've only had one real boyfriend and done sexual things with only 2 people,one was him,and one was a one time thing,so,i dont call myself experienced at all when it comes to relationships or sex.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I know this wasnt aimed at me,but i have to say; teenagers have more experience than i do. I've only had one real boyfriend and done sexual things with only 2 people,one was him,and one was a one time thing,so,i dont call myself experienced at all when it comes to relationships or sex.

I think that has a lot to do with it. I am almost 28, but I had my first kiss at 24! And my first boyfriend/sex at 25. There are a lot of people younger than me who have already dealt with all of the issues I'm just now experiencing.

Still, I think things happen for us at just the right time.

[robc]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I think that has a lot to do with it. I am almost 28, but I had my first kiss at 24! And my first boyfriend/sex at 25. There are a lot of people younger than me who have already dealt with all of the issues I'm just now experiencing.

Still, I think things happen for us at just the right time.

That these things generally happen when they do for everyone, at the the right time for that specific person. It's not like there is a rule book that says your first kiss should be at XX age and you should have had sex by XX and married by XX.


Back to my original point though, do any of the ladies participating in this discussion want to go over my list and let me know which of my points on what women are attracted to in a man, which hold true and which don't? This is seriously interesting stuff! (I'm taking notes )

[robc]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I'm gonna be 36 in August. I do have a young woman's attitude,i look,feel and act way younger than i am and i'm proud of that. So if me and you had made a bet on how old i was,you'd be owing me some money,big time! lol

Rockchick26, I would have guessed you were around 26 by simply looking at your name and the number you put beside it.

Apparently I'm clueless

- it's all good, I'm sure women like to hear that they appear younger than they really are.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by robc

Back to my original point though, do any of the ladies participating in this discussion want to go over my list and let me know which of my points on what women are attracted to in a man, which hold true and which don't? This is seriously interesting stuff! (I'm taking notes )

I'll bite.

Originally Posted by robc

But seriously, maybe I'm a genetic abnormality or something but I think about $ex on a fairly frequent basis and lately I've been lucky enough to experience it fairly frequently and my desire hasn't been diminished.

I think about sex a lot as well which surprises a lot of people. Hey! Women (not all of course) want it too. So, I guess this means your recent foray back into the dating world is going well? You don't have to answer that of course. I am quite nosey.

Originally Posted by robc

My own point of view on what women are attracted to...
- your personality helps, if you're an a_ _ hole, you aren't going to keep your girlfriend for very long

Let's assume for the sake of argument that we are talking about a fairly well-adjusted woman since I know lots of ******* with long time girlfriends/wives. Yes, a nice personality is a good start.

Originally Posted by robc

- being confident in yourself, showing it, that's very attractive to women

Confidence in anyone is an attractive quality I believe. Yes, it does help if a man is confident in his own skin. However, arrogance and cockiness are not attractive to me. It has to be sincere.

Originally Posted by robc

- I don't think you have to be a Brad Pitt look alike to be attractive to women

Not at all. Everyone has their types, but at least for me, looks are fairly far down on the scale.

Originally Posted by robc

- sense of humor, definitely attracti