When they don't even know what they need

[The Cloud]

Maybe instead of fighting against moping like it's bad, he could learn that moping is a natural part of not moping. He'd still be moping, but at least all the underlying stress of it all would be gone, which is the part that is probably affecting you the most.

[Ceros]

I have no idea!

I've never been to a situation like that and can't interpolate either.

Personally, if I felt bad a hug would help me. BUT it's important that the message you give with it is "I'm here for you as long as it will take you to overcome your problem" and not "Here, have some extra affection and just get it over with already."

The latter will make him feel as if he's somehow indebted to you to overcome his problem to repay you for the extra affection. And even then, he would be overcoming his problem for *you*, not for himself.
It would only add to the stress!

Also, I find that if someone is just mopping without doing anything, then it may be due to a sense of helplessness because they feel that their entire life isn't the way they'd like it to be, and they have nowhere to turn. If that's the case, and since you're a part of his life, perhaps part of the problem lies with you?

As always, I welcome everyones comments on my interpretation of the situation.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Angela

What are you doing right now to generate a satisfying life for yourself in Alaska? Have you contacted any groups that are involved in anything you're interested in? Why not make some friends there now, research some fun stuff do on your own, so that you are stepping into a fun, welcoming, compelling future that does not rely on Mr. BF? Are there any nice Alaskans here in these forums?

I hope you don't mind me asking on this thread, but how do you go about doing that? How do you go about making friends in a city before you move there? I'm about to move to a new city soon and the idea of having friends or contacts there before I move sounds very nice.

[Angela]

Aspiring, I don't think you mind a tiny derail, do you? This might pertain to you, too.

Seeker, there are a bunch of online resources, including meetup.com, craigslist, and yahoo groups where you can search for people who are interested in what you're interested in, whether it's personal development, LoA, beach volleyball, Scrabble, sports singles, etc. etc.

If I were moving to a new town, I'd sign on and introduce myself ahead of time and get to know some folks who might be very welcoming when I got there.

Where are you moving to?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by Angela

Aspiring, I don't think you mind a tiny derail, do you?

I don't ever mind a "derail" in a thread I started at all. To me they are conversations and those generally meander. I learn from everything.

Carry on .

[munish]

Originally Posted by seeker5

I hope you don't mind me asking on this thread, but how do you go about doing that? How do you go about making friends in a city before you move there? I'm about to move to a new city soon and the idea of having friends or contacts there before I move sounds very nice.

Join toastmasters.You will have friends there before you move there.