What is the best way to take advice from people?

[sonicpunk32]

Especially Strangers.

[Jarrod]

That is a very good question.

I guess I'll give you my advice as a stranger.

Listen to what they have to say without judging.

Take it away with you to think about later.

If there is something useful to be gained from the advice, take it. Otherwise discard it.

Cheers,
Stranger

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

Listen to what they have to say without judging.

If there is something useful to be gained from the advice, take it. Otherwise discard it.

Mighty fine advice, there, Stranger. Say, when you say without judging, does that mean that the person giving the advice wont take it kindly that you'd be giving them your opinion which is opposing their advice?

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

Say, when you say without judging, does that mean that the person giving the advice wont take it kindly that you'd be giving them your opinion which is opposing their advice?

I find most conversations are too fast for people to consider things. People speak without listening, they want to talk before the other person has even finished.

If I have an opposing view to someone the way I express it to them depends greatly on how I perceive them to be (which is tough with strangers). Generally I would slowly build a discussion, finding out more about their opinion. I don't shoot back at people, after all, there is so much information potentially latent within the context of their advice and their background in life.

You gain the most from deep advice, which only really comes from two way discussion. Followed by you reflecting on it later.

Summarising,

When I say without judging I mean really really listen. If they care about the advice they are giving then they should be willing to listen to your response even after you take a moment.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

When I say without judging I mean really really listen. If they care about the advice they are giving then they should be willing to listen to your response even after you take a moment.

Most people I've asked advice from just walk away or change the subject after I give them my opposing opinion about their advice. A kind of "then why did you ask me then" response. But then again, they are complete strangers.

[Jarrod]

My guess would be is that people probably think that you are not listening. It is a bit different if you ask for advice, get it and then straight out disagree with people.

Most people will generally wonder why you asked for advice on something if you have clearly already made your mind up.

I say most people because there are those who will turn it into a constructive conversation but I don't think most are like that.

If you ask for advice and then people feel that you are just trying to give them advice they won't like it.

If you want to try to create a longer more valuable conversation, hold off on giving your view. Ask why they see things that way, what will the benefits be of doing things that way. Then you can gently present you view from their perspective. Try it next time

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

My guess would be is that people probably think that you are not listening. It is a bit different if you ask for advice, get it and then straight out disagree with people.

Most people will generally wonder why you asked for advice on something if you have clearly already made your mind up.

My gosh, you're right. Half the time I've asked for advice from people, I've found that I already had my own advice and their advice just made mine seem to make more sense to me. I can see now how rude of me it was to do that to them. I wasnt listening to them, or willing to follow their advice.

[Jarrod]

I hope you have many enjoyable and constructive conversations with strangers in the future.

[Angela]

What a great thread!

[dali]

I usually say " thanks for that. I will certainly consider what you have said." and do precisely that. If its of any value all well and good if its not even better.

[openyourize]

Hey Sonic,

I can totally relate. I always used to get that kind of reaction when people offered me advice because I would just have an argument for it. They got annoyed with me and asked why I even asked for advice. I have a friend who always asks me for advice and opposes it too and it annoys me to death, so that is when I realized I was doing the same thin.g.

The truth is I always had my own idea in mind and I just wanted justification from others, or I might just want to share my idea to get approval.

So now if I am tempted to ask for advice, I first ask myself for advice. And if I come up with a satisfying answer, I don't ask anyone else. But I might say,
"i am having this problem and here is what I have decided to do." Just because I like to share. After doing this, I find I rarely need to ask for advice because I usually go with my own gut and this has helped me learn to trust myself more. But if I DO really need advice I ask the ones I trust and take thier ideas into consideration. Or I read stuff like this and gather other people's ideas by reading them.

[Alexjstrandberg]

I take advice only when it's asked for, everything else is unsolicited. If I'm about to step in front of a train I want all the advice I can get but beyond that I don't want any advice from strangers unless I ask for it.

[Brutha]

You should keep two things seperate. If you asked for advice and got advice you can thank the other person for their imput and still do something else.
You can on the one hand be thankful that they have made an effort to give you advice and on the other hand think whether you really want to follow the advice.
Don't merge those two things together.