How to hold your arms?

[Erki]

I've had this problem for as long as I can remember and looks like I'm not the only one either...

When standing or walking, how should I hold my arms? I don't want to put them in my pockets or have them crossed on my chest or on my hips or where-ever. But I don't want them to flop around uncontrollably or have them cramped either.

Tying them behind my back or cutting them off is not an option I would consider either.

[Christian223]

I dont like to have my arms swinging around either, so thats why i keep them in my pockets while i walk, its nice, but it gets tiring too becuase the arms need to swing around to keep balance, but the arms are just a little part of a whole, that means that you have to walk correctly to feel comfortable doing it, the cause of discomfort could be that you have a bad posture while you walk, or maybe you are too tense while walking, or maybe you need to do some excercise so that you have more muscles to hold your arms and body, anyway, for me, its allways good to keep my shoulders a little back, and relax my arms so that they swing as they like... but the question is, why you dont like your arms to flop around?.

[Erki]

No of course they can move around but I want the movement...look nice. I always get the impression that I'm doing something wrong...

[Radical]

Originally Posted by Erki

No of course they can move around but I want the movement...look nice. I always get the impression that I'm doing something wrong...

May I ask why you want your arms to look nice?

Is it so you can attract prospective mates?

[Christian223]

So you say you are beign too self-concious?, you think on what people may say of you?, try not to think about it, i had the same problem too some years ago, the trick is to start practicing to relax, the arms must not be tence nor too relaxed, you must not stick your arms to your body, relax them, all the muscles, from shoulder, to elbow, to wrists, and start practicing when you are alone, stand and relax your shoulders, maybe look at a mirror while doing it, its important to feel fine and relaxed rather too look nice you know, because we all have different bodies so you cant look exactly the same as other people, but still, try to look at other people and see how the walk, and imitate them, how much do the move their shoulders and how much retracted or relaxed they have them, how much to they move their elbows, in what position they rest their hands, and so on, its an art you know?, and remember that arm movement its just a part of a whole, there is also leg movement, and body posture, if you want to look nice first you have to feel nice

[Dating Specialist]

Ha ha Guess what? I was about to type the below when I suddenly realised I didn't know if you're a guy or gal. Went to your profile, not indicated.

Searched for all your posts and was kinda certain you're a guy from the Masturbation thread haha So hopefully I'm right that you're a guy, right?

Hmm, self-conscious or not, maybe this suggestion can be useful for you:

Carry a bag (either a brief-case type or one with sling) so one hand is holding on to the carrier or the strap. That leaves the other hand which you can either put it in your pocket or just swing freely while walking.

[JJP]

This might work more for men, I haven't really seen many women do this, but...

One way of holding the arms that feels very powerful: place your arms behind you, holding the back of one hand with the other palm (picture a high-ranking military man walking around, inspecting his troops). This highly exposes your vulnerable spots: chest, stomach, and neck, thus showing that you feel safe and unthreatened.

Another one is both hands on the hips, forming two triangles: This makes you bigger, takes up more space, and exposes you, which implies you are confident in the situation and you know your position, so to speak. A variant is, again, hands on hips or partly tucked in pockets or belt, with the fingers or thumbs pointing down to the crotch area (a very sensitive area to draw attention to).

If you do try these, you'll find they will really influence your thinking, and other people will unconsciously come to expect powerful and confident behavior from you, so don't be surprised by that.

[Erki]

Originally Posted by Radical

May I ask why you want your arms to look nice?

Is it so you can attract prospective mates?

Well, maybe because I just don't want to look un-nice.
At this moment, I don't want to attract potential mates, but looking...attractive?? doesn't hurt, does it?

Originally Posted by Dating Specialist

Ha ha Guess what? I was about to type the below when I suddenly realised I didn't know if you're a guy or gal. Went to your profile, not indicated.

Searched for all your posts and was kinda certain you're a guy from the Masturbation thread haha So hopefully I'm right that you're a guy, right?

Hmm, self-conscious or not, maybe this suggestion can be useful for you:

Carry a bag (either a brief-case type or one with sling) so one hand is holding on to the carrier or the strap. That leaves the other hand which you can either put it in your pocket or just swing freely while walking.

Yes, you're right, I'm a guy. Perhaps my profile needs to be revised a little but making forum posts in a masturbation thread is easier, innit?

[Dating Specialist]

Originally Posted by JJP

This might work more for men, I haven't really seen many women do this, but...

One way of holding the arms that feels very powerful: place your arms behind you, holding the back of one hand with the other palm (picture a high-ranking military man walking around, inspecting his troops). This highly exposes your vulnerable spots: chest, stomach, and neck, thus showing that you feel safe and unthreatened.

Another one is both hands on the hips, forming two triangles: This makes you bigger, takes up more space, and exposes you, which implies you are confident in the situation and you know your position, so to speak. A variant is, again, hands on hips or partly tucked in pockets or belt, with the fingers or thumbs pointing down to the crotch area (a very sensitive area to draw attention to).

If you do try these, you'll find they will really influence your thinking, and other people will unconsciously come to expect powerful and confident behavior from you, so don't be surprised by that.

Hey JJP, these are wonderful suggestions to stand in a authoritative and powerful positions, according to how body language is being interpretated, like what you have explained.

But maybe what Erki's looking for would be one that's more "normal" in a day-to-day life? The power ones just look too, power when not in command?

Just my thoughts. I'm not an expert!

Originally Posted by Erki

Yes, you're right, I'm a guy. Perhaps my profile needs to be revised a little but making forum posts in a masturbation thread is easier, innit?

Oh thanks Erki for your confirmation

Yeah, it would be much easier to read it off your profile than a long list of posts, plus some deciphering, comprehending, analysing before guessing and concluding and finally confirming now.. haha

[Erki]

Originally Posted by JJP

This might work more for men, I haven't really seen many women do this, but...

One way of holding the arms that feels very powerful: place your arms behind you, holding the back of one hand with the other palm (picture a high-ranking military man walking around, inspecting his troops). This highly exposes your vulnerable spots: chest, stomach, and neck, thus showing that you feel safe and unthreatened.

Another one is both hands on the hips, forming two triangles: This makes you bigger, takes up more space, and exposes you, which implies you are confident in the situation and you know your position, so to speak. A variant is, again, hands on hips or partly tucked in pockets or belt, with the fingers or thumbs pointing down to the crotch area (a very sensitive area to draw attention to).

If you do try these, you'll find they will really influence your thinking, and other people will unconsciously come to expect powerful and confident behavior from you, so don't be surprised by that.

I've done it this way and I don't feel uncomfotable then, but standing with arms on my side is uncomfortable. I get the feeling that they are in somewhat weird pose and also I feelt that I have to do something with my arms, not just having them.

Also, at high school, we once had a dancing course and the teacher said that you should keep your hands free, not touch other body parts with them because then the person is not open, like having your arms crossed on your chest. I don't know how much truth is in it though but doesn't sound too illogical..

[Radical]

Bruce Lee once said:

"The consciousness of "self" is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action."

Just try and forget about your damn arms man.

[JJP]

Originally Posted by Erki

I've done it this way and I don't feel uncomfotable then, but standing with arms on my side is uncomfortable. I get the feeling that they are in somewhat weird pose and also I feelt that I have to do something with my arms, not just having them.

I agree, it's definitely an awkward position because it really exposes you, something that the primal brain is averse to for questions of survival. So it does take balls, but it can become "normal" with practice (and people will notice it, if that's what you're into.)

Also, at high school, we once had a dancing course and the teacher said that you should keep your hands free, not touch other body parts with them because then the person is not open, like having your arms crossed on your chest. I don't know how much truth is in it though but doesn't sound too illogical..

Very true! Certain ways of having the arms crossed on the chest are people's ways of putting up a little "barrier" for protection, because they are not fully engaged or "open" to the situation, feel slightly threatened, or maybe insecure about something. If you look around you will notice other ways people do this, like usually by putting an object in front of themselves as buffer from the stimulus.

[andrew]

No, don't just forget about your arms. That's like saying don't wear cologne because you shouldn't care what people smell of you. There's a difference between not worring about what people think of you, and not caring about how you present yourself.

Okay when your walking, stand straight up, chest up, with your arms to your sides. When you walk, you want to have a slight swing to your motion. Slight, as in, not flailing every where, and not military style, just a confident stride. Now what to do with your arms, just let them go back and forth while you walk, and you can touch your thumb to middle finger if you need to do something with your hands. I find this helps, and it also circulates energy I suppose.

The other suggestions are great if you're standing still, also having a drink in your LEFT hand (which I should practice) at social events, so you can shake with your right. Lot's of body language stuff going on here. These things are much more important than words in a conversation.

Hope that helps!

[Radical]

Originally Posted by andrew

No, don't just forget about your arms. That's like saying don't wear cologne because you shouldn't care what people smell of you. There's a difference between not worring about what people think of you, and not caring about how you present yourself.

Okay when your walking, stand straight up, chest up, with your arms to your sides. When you walk, you want to have a slight swing to your motion. Slight, as in, not flailing every where, and not military style, just a confident stride. Now what to do with your arms, just let them go back and forth while you walk, and you can touch your thumb to middle finger if you need to do something with your hands. I find this helps, and it also circulates energy I suppose.

The other suggestions are great if you're standing still, also having a drink in your LEFT hand (which I should practice) at social events, so you can shake with your right. Lot's of body language stuff going on here. These things are much more important than words in a conversation.

Hope that helps!

Why don't forget about your arms? If you did then they wouldn't be a problem to you - what you observe creates your reality.

Also, no one will be thinking you look stupid. Everyone is too busy worrying about themselves!

[andrew]

Originally Posted by Radical

Why don't forget about your arms? If you did then they wouldn't be a problem to you - what you observe creates your reality.

Also, no one will be thinking you look stupid. Everyone is too busy worrying about themselves!

While that's a vaild point, it's not always the case. Why not just learn a way to be comfertable with your arms, thus, having good body language AND not needing to worry about it anymore? It'll take a lot more effort to conciously ignore the akwardness in your arms than just dealing with it.

A lot body language is subconcious, you don't need to think about it.

[Henrik]

Adding to the body-language tips: Don´t hold your drink/beer in front of your heart like many do in this country (Sweden). It´s protective body-language like having your arms crossed. I hold my beer beside my leg instead. Might be hard to do without spilling if you got a drink though.

Also, when I´m standing and watching/talking/listening I sometimes put my thumbs in my backpockets. This pulls back the shoulders a little and gives me a more relaxed posture. Works pretty good for me if I´m feeling a little tense.

[Lonewolf]

Take your attention off your goddamn arms and concentrate on the person speaking to you.