Emotional Affairs

[fitx3]

I'm curious about how people feel about emotional affairs compared to sexual affairs. Do you think they are just as bad or worse than the physical affair?

[anamoly]

I think they are interconnected, but if we seperate them:

emotional - > often causes one to act a certain way
physical -> forces one to act a certain way

emotional feelings don't have to bind you because they can teach you that you are vaster, if you remain present with them.

physical force is unnecessary but sometimes useful if it's done in a positive manner.

[votoshka]

I guess it depends what you do or do not do!

Is it mostly in your head? Or are you spending a lot of time with the other person (this could be online or offline)?

Is there any danger that the emotional affair could become a physical affair?

If you are spending more time chatting to someone you've developed feelings for, than you are spending with your own partner, then there's a problem (or there's definitely a problem developing).

If it's just someone you're thinking of, and feeling things for, but it isn't really impacting your other relationship, then I don't think it's such a big deal. It's most likely something you'll eventually move on from!

[kboleski]

Neither can be good for your current relationship. When you are in a relationship, you are supposed to have eyes (and ears ) for your partner. You can't be giving of yourself in any way to another person of interest because it takes away from the current relationship. It is hard enough to make a relationship work, if you are giving your time, care, concern, effort and support to someone else, you won't have much left to give to your partner. If you are having a physical affair with someone else, you have taken yourself away from your partner and given yourself to someone else. Either way, you are going to hurt or sell-short your partner for selfish reasons.

[garentee]

I have been in an emotional affair recently. I am friends with this couple, and there has been an attraction between myself and my friends wife. It came to a head the other night when we were alone after a party and went to bid farewell to each other with a hug... the hug was really really sweet and at that point she realized we had to talk. What came out was that she really wants to be with me but she is married. I have been in love with her for a while but not really realized it. She confessed that it has been about one year that she has been in love with me. Ultimately though we decided that much as we want to we cannot at this point proceed any further with this. Three people will get hurt if we proceed. and none of us will be able to have any relationship with one another. If they do end up divorcing it has to be on the accord of conversation between them and not have anything to do with me. It is a little late for that, but knowing this I cannot continue. It really saddens me that I cannot hang around with her on my own any more... BUT It is far better to do this and allow life to unfold on its own. I want the best for her... if that means that she and her husband patch things up I am better than ok with that. If she breaks it off with him and goes in a different direction it is still fine with me. That is what love is. She has said the same for me. .
The point is that any affair can be damaging. the point at which you start to have any type of affair can be noted as a very sensitive part of a relationship. If it continues then you are living a lie. A little honesty at the begining of any relationship goes a long way to solving these types of problems. If you want to be with someone else tell your spouse. SOmetimes a little of openness goes a long way. If you sneak around and try to hold affairs behind your spouses back how can they trust you again?
to be honest I do not really see my friends marriage as one that will survive. She is doing a lot of Personal development and I am pretty sure he is not. I love them both very much, but that will not save something that is terminal. I hope they can work it out... but I am not very certain that it will be. thanks for reading. G

[fitx3]

Originally Posted by garentee

I have been in an emotional affair recently. I am friends with this couple, and there has been an attraction between myself and my friends wife. It came to a head the other night when we were alone after a party and went to bid farewell to each other with a hug... the hug was really really sweet and at that point she realized we had to talk. What came out was that she really wants to be with me but she is married. I have been in love with her for a while but not really realized it. She confessed that it has been about one year that she has been in love with me. Ultimately though we decided that much as we want to we cannot at this point proceed any further with this. Three people will get hurt if we proceed. and none of us will be able to have any relationship with one another. If they do end up divorcing it has to be on the accord of conversation between them and not have anything to do with me. It is a little late for that, but knowing this I cannot continue. It really saddens me that I cannot hang around with her on my own any more... BUT It is far better to do this and allow life to unfold on its own. I want the best for her... if that means that she and her husband patch things up I am better than ok with that. If she breaks it off with him and goes in a different direction it is still fine with me. That is what love is. She has said the same for me. .
The point is that any affair can be damaging. the point at which you start to have any type of affair can be noted as a very sensitive part of a relationship. If it continues then you are living a lie. A little honesty at the begining of any relationship goes a long way to solving these types of problems. If you want to be with someone else tell your spouse. SOmetimes a little of openness goes a long way. If you sneak around and try to hold affairs behind your spouses back how can they trust you again?
to be honest I do not really see my friends marriage as one that will survive. She is doing a lot of Personal development and I am pretty sure he is not. I love them both very much, but that will not save something that is terminal. I hope they can work it out... but I am not very certain that it will be. thanks for reading. G

What will you do if she does leave her husband and wants to match up with you? How would you deal with the ex as a "friend" when you run into him at some point?

Just curious...

[garentee]

Originally Posted by fitx3

What will you do if she does leave her husband and wants to match up with you? How would you deal with the ex as a "friend" when you run into him at some point?

Just curious...

There is little doubt that if that were the case and I were single (which at this point is the case) what I would do. I gotta say I would go with her. I do not know at this point as to how I would deal with him at that point. But by being out of the picture and letting life take its course I lessen the damage. She is pretty sure he knows that she has a thing for me...I am not sure that I can go back to things as they were as there is no more back... This is real. I guess the best thing is to be honest with him. The problem is that we are members of an organization of farmers that sell at a farmers market.. so I would see him every week. There are many ramifications and shock waves that would reverberate but the fact of the matter is that these things do not happen unless there is discord in the marriage...I do not know the extent, but I am pretty sure that it is a lot. I am not sitting and waiting... for something that may not happen. But that said if it presents itself and we are both on the same page I know that we would be good together.

[garentee]

Change of pace. I was having an incredibly difficult time with the idea that I could not hang out with her one on one. The idea that cannot spend time with someone that brings such good things into my life is ridiculous. We just have to change the vibe. Remove the temptation. If I love her unconditionally and do not put any expectations on her it can be done. we got ourselves into this situation and as growing and developing adults we can certainly get out. We are going to work this out and it will be fine. She cannot move forward with what ever she has to do with her husband with a piece of her heart in my possession. All three of us get hurt if I do not spend time with her one on one. ALl three of us get hurt if she and I hold on to a piece of each others hearts. We need to work with in the parameters of what we have now. If at a later time the stars line up for us we can have that kind of relationship.Right now though I can only love without condition and be the best friend to both her and her husband, and truthfully myself too. If we moved forward with the physical side of the affair It would not be as beneficial as this will be. Not that it is going to be easy..

[Ceros]

If you're in love with your friends wife, ask your friend if he ever considered the idea of polygamy.

[aabbcc]

Originally Posted by Ceros

If you're in love with your friends wife, ask your friend if he ever considered the idea of polygamy.

I think you mean polyamory - the practice of having more than one romantic relationship at a time. Polygamy is marriage to more than one spouse and is illegal in many places.

[fitx3]

Polyamory. She would have the best of both worlds in that case!!!