love or money?

[yassy]

Its a real dilema. Married 14 yrs. When I turned 50 i went off the rails. left my husband and before long met another and fell in love... We have great sex but...financially, he lives from week to week. 15 months of fighting and now have just left him. I Am suffering. I think I want go back to my husband.... Hardly any attraction but there is deep respect. And of course we have assets and i could have a comfy secure future. Do you think that i can stop loving the other man and from some kind of love with my husband again. He is a good man.

[Lazarus]

which one do you love? love someone for money is not loving them, it's using. (imo) and you cannot divide love for when you divide love, you love neither cause love is someone who you would put #1 priority which in some cases, including one's self

[Mr_A]

Now at least you know what you want
You want a man who is strong enough to make you feel cared for as a woman.
And is financial secure.
That’s not asking for too much.
You can try to respark the passion with your husband by realigning your masculine and feminie natures. I believe you love your husband and the reason your not attracted to him is because his not masculine enough for you.

There’s a great program by Anthony Robbins - The Ultimate Relationship Program. I say order the program watch the DVDs together, get your masculine and feminie natures realigned and you'll be having passionate sex in no time.
and Trust me the programs worth every penny

[sheffy4]

I think you could find someone out there who you are attracted to and who is financially secure. My mom left my dad at the age of 50 and she found a great man who she loves and who is very financially secure. Just don't limit yourself to only these two men if they don't make you really happy. And I'm sure your ex-husband wouldn't feel very great if you came back to him just to feel financially secure.

[andrew]

Originally Posted by sheffy4

I think you could find someone out there who you are attracted to and who is financially secure. My mom left my dad at the age of 50 and she found a great man who she loves and who is very financially secure. Just don't limit yourself to only these two men if they don't make you really happy. And I'm sure your ex-husband wouldn't feel very great if you came back to him just to feel financially secure.

Yes yes. Granted quality men are hard to find, it's worth not settling.

[Rose of Cairo]

I'm just wondering, why do you want a man who is financially secure? If YOU are financially secure, it doesn't matter whether he is or not.

[JSB]

It makes sense that women in the past would rank a man's power and financial success as very important in choosing a partner; society limited women's career options, so any woman with the goal of financial abundance was best served by marrying a wealthy or potentially wealthy man.

Today, women have far greater freedom to create their own financial and professional success. Does not the well-deserved freedom of career choice that women have fought so hard to earn carry with it the responsibility to create one's own financial success, rather than relying on a man to provide it?

The desire for a "successful man" seems somewhat childish, a regression to wanting "daddy to take care of me", and indicative of a certain level of immaturity and selfishness. It is not my intention to be rude or offensive, even though some people may be offended by this. I am also not criticizing the healthy desire for a financially responsible, competent partner.

Am I wrong? Is the desire for a wealthy and powerful male an evolutionary imperative in [heterosexual] human females, in order to ensure offspring have access to resources? Is the sexual attractiveness of wealth too primal to ignore? In the end, are we just apes with nicer haircuts?

In a society (U.S.) where women, on average, may soon be out-earning men (based on the greater percentage of women obtaining college degrees and entering "professional" fields), what will the repercussions be?

[lasti]

If you want security, create it. There's nothing less secure than depending on someone else.

[Dave Kaminski]

Originally Posted by yassy

Its a real dilema. Married 14 yrs. When I turned 50 i went off the rails. left my husband and before long met another and fell in love... We have great sex but...financially, he lives from week to week. 15 months of fighting and now have just left him. I Am suffering. I think I want go back to my husband.... Hardly any attraction but there is deep respect. And of course we have assets and i could have a comfy secure future. Do you think that i can stop loving the other man and from some kind of love with my husband again. He is a good man.

Do you think you'd be honoring your ex husband by running back to him for financial reasons?

Maybe have a little pride and take care of yourself instead of using another man to whom you made a lifelong vow and then left as your financial support.

If you have deep respect for him you will apologize to him for leaving and not go back to him for monetary reasons.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by yassy

Its a real dilema. Married 14 yrs. When I turned 50 i went off the rails. left my husband and before long met another and fell in love... We have great sex but...financially, he lives from week to week. 15 months of fighting and now have just left him. I Am suffering. I think I want go back to my husband.... Hardly any attraction but there is deep respect. And of course we have assets and i could have a comfy secure future. Do you think that i can stop loving the other man and from some kind of love with my husband again. He is a good man.

Two possible scenarios:

1) You were completely selfish.
You respect your husband? If your husband wasn't abusive or anything, why didn't you try and work things out with him in the first place? Why would you go outside the relationship you were supposedly committed to? Now you're saying you want to go back to him even though you don't love him because of financial security? If I were him I wouldn't take you back. i wouldn't want someone to come back unless they loved me. It sounds like you just had a "crisis" and left your husband in a lurch because you wanted to be "free". Now that your "new life" hasn't worked out, you want to go back and use him for money? First of all, you should realize you brought the suffering on yourself. You say you respect your husband, but if you did, you wouldn't just use him for financial security. Face up to what you did and if you want to go back to him and try to love him again, commit to it. Get a councilor and beg your husband's forgiveness. Tell him you want to love each other again. But, if you don't love him, don't just go back to use him. That's just selfish and wrong. If you want to redeem yourself, really redeem yourself. Don't continue this selfish cycle.

2) You're a nice person who realized you just didn't love him anymore and made rash decisions out of fear.
Now, if you really don't want to be with him and know it would never work out, then don't get back with him. Start a new life. Make a new group of friends who support you and don't worry about a relationship right now. It doesn't matter how old you are, you need to get back on your feet first and respect yourself. You deserve to be happy. Don't go back and give up on life.

[Mr_A]

I need to straighten this out for everyone
Yes JSB,
In the end we are all just apes with nicer haircuts.
And the sooner we know and understand that the more passionate life will be.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Mr_A

I need to straighten this out for everyone
Yes JSB,
In the end we are all just apes with nicer haircuts.
And the sooner we know and understand that the more passionate life will be.

I think Mr A stands for Mr Ape lol.

To answer the OAP, err OP sorry! Don't you have a pension?