need to stop looking at other girls

[sonicpunk32]

I have always asked the universe for a girlfriend for the past 5 years. This year I finally get one. We're currently long distance though. I used to think that when I'd get a girlfriend, I'd no longer need to look at other girls. I find myself occasionally fancying many girls that walk by, cause they're so pretty. If I keep doing this, my girlfriend isnt going to be happy. Now, I havent had much physical contact with her, if any. We're just currently long distance. But when we no longer are long distance, I just wonder If my need to check out other girls will stop. I hope it does.

[JSB]

There's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty. You can look at women whether or not you have a girlfriend; it's normal.

You might want to refrain from looking at other women while she is with you; it can be rude and inconsiderate to ignore her and gawk at other women!

[sonicpunk32]

Yeah, I can imagine what it's like for her If I was to look at other girls in front of her. I get jealous all the time with her guy friends.

[ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by JSB

There's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty. You can look at women whether or not you have a girlfriend; it's normal.

You might want to refrain from looking at other women while she is with you; it can be rude and inconsiderate to ignore her and gawk at other women!

Or you might fall down.

Early in our relationship, my husband did a tongue wagging head snapping oogle at a woman in a white jumper....I don't know how he tripped over my foot.

[ivorytickler]

"7) If you're worried about becoming a desirable man, don't take the opinions of women too seriously. Most women couldn't tell you how to be a man, even if they had the inclination to try. Bathe, groom, nurture your health, mind, and spirit. Keep working on your personal development. Eventually, you'll notice women who are "out of your league" starting to give you a second look. Suddenly, you'll realize that everything is going to be splendid!"

What? You think women don't know what they find deriable in a man? That's absurd.

[unwastedyouth]

Originally Posted by ivorytickler

"7) What? You think women don't know what they find deriable in a man? That's absurd.

In a way it's not - I'm a woman, and I'm attracted to all different kinds of men. It's not always just a question of looks - sometimes a stereotypically 'good looking' guy won't be attractive to me, and yet there might be something special about someone who's not 'good looking'. Often I can't describe exactly what it is about someone that attracts me to someone, and I don't have a certain 'type' of man that I'm attracted to.

[MariaG]

And I always thought that when you have a girlfriend, she should be all the girl you need.

I think that's a pretty common belief - especially in American culture where that type of all-consuming relationship is idealized.

The truth is, no one person can fulfill all of your social needs, and it's unfair to ask that. For most of us, we will continue to need other people to interact to meet our social, recreational and emotional needs. The need for beauty falls into that category as well.

Think of it like this - it's unrealistic to expect your girlfriend to be at her peak physical appearance at all times. She needs a break occasionally just like anyone else. You still have a need to appreciate beauty, however, so you can fulfill that in part by appreciating other beautiful women - just like many men fulfill their need to watch hockey by going out with their guy friends!

[Lenie]

Originally Posted by unwastedyouth

In a way it's not - I'm a woman, and I'm attracted to all different kinds of men. It's not always just a question of looks - sometimes a stereotypically 'good looking' guy won't be attractive to me, and yet there might be something special about someone who's not 'good looking'. Often I can't describe exactly what it is about someone that attracts me to someone, and I don't have a certain 'type' of man that I'm attracted to.

Agreed. *clinks glass of grape juice with you*

[silicon toad2000]

I wouldn't worry about it. It's like we were all told when we were toddlers, look with your eyes. We all admire the fine forms of the opposite sex, or same sex whatever the case may be.
Just keep reminding yourself that the grass is not greener and that no matter how good looking someone is, someone somewhere is already tired of putting up with their ♥♥♥♥♥.

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by silicon toad2000

no matter how good looking someone is, someone somewhere is already tired of putting up with their ♥♥♥♥♥.

lol

Well, is it possible that there are good looking someone's who dont have ♥♥♥♥♥? I've asked myself many times If I had a loving girlfriend who gives me so much good things, I've wondered, shouldn't that be enough to offset seeing other pretty girls walking about. I think subconsciously, I want to be with these strangers, cause I feel I'm missing something. Cause I just look too much at times. Well, I should work on my relationship with my girlfriend and get this fixed and see if I still long to be with these strangers after a few months.

[Frankthetank]

Guess what this urge will never dissappear. It's man's programming, but it's not that bad you should embrace it and choose integrity and be loyal to your girlfriend as long as you are together. It looks like you are deprived of sex and you have some regrets about your decision. I don't know your situation, but long-term relationships are a difficult thing. Many people make the mistake of staying in too long and miss many opportunities, life is short and love needs time and intimacy to flourish.

[sonicpunk32]

Oh, I've been deprived of sex my entire life. Ignoring a couple unfavorable encounters, I'm practically a virgin. I've saved up alot of money in the past year, and I'll be moving closer to her location in a couple months. So I wouldnt say this will be long distance anymore.

[Frankthetank]

Oh alright, then there's no problem. Probably you should step up your game

[Fullcrum]

Damn.

The needines just drips off the OPs poster.

If you're needy for the girl's attention and validation, it won't feel as "intoxicating" to be around her than if you're just enjoying your time spent together. Take the relationship one day at a time, not worrying about whether you're looking at other girls.

When I'm with a girl, I look at other girls. It's just kinda assumed and totally cool. Just be fine with it. If you want to look, look. It's funny .

[sonicpunk32]

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

If you're needy for the girl's attention and validation

Just curious. What brought you to that assumption of me?

[bdc]

Originally Posted by sonicpunk32

I have always asked the universe for a girlfriend ... I'd no longer need to look at other girls. I find myself occasionally fancying many girls that walk by, cause they're so pretty. If I keep doing this, my girlfriend isnt going to be happy ... I just wonder If my need to check out other girls will stop. I hope it does.

You remind me of myself, from 15 years ago. There is so much I would like to tell you.

1) If I could give you only one piece of advice, it would be to read the book Awareness, by Anthony de Mello. The book includes short talks on a variety of topics, but the discussion of relationships will shake up your perspective, which will probably be a growth experience.

2) It sounds like you and your girlfriend are a little un-confident. It sounds like you depend on each other for your sense of self-worth. When your self-worth depends on the opinion of another, you become a slave to that person. Slavery is not a healthy condition. If you and your girlfriend don't grow out of your mutual slavery, together, you'll eventually need to break up for your mutual well being.

3) Ugly girls are starved for attention, this causes them to behave strangely. Beautiful girls are overwhelmed with attention, this causes them to behave strangely. When you understand, in your heart, that beautiful women are as cursed and warped as ugly women, inner peace will come to your more easily. You will find it a lot easier to love all women for who they are. You'll feel less compelled to look at every pretty girl that walks by.

4) As you get older, your sex drive will probably mellow a little. Surprisingly, this is one of the best things about getting older! Instead of being mute and stupefied in the presence of women, you will find a broad range of women pleasantly intoxicating. You'll enjoy just chatting, or meeting for lunch, or smiling. You'll cease to care whether the woman in front of you has a boyfriend, because you're enjoying the simple pleasure of her company, in the moment.

5) You are probably over-estimating the men and women around you. As you learn to judge them more accurately, you will care less what they think. Focus on your long-term personal development. It's the only thing you can control, anyway. You'll eventually find yourself surpassing people you used to desire or envy.

6) Pretty girls do like to be looked at, by desirable men. If you're not a desirable man yet, all you need to do is avoid leering and go about your business with a relaxed attitude. If you sense that an alarmingly beautiful woman may be in the vicinity, challenge yourself to glance only at her face. Leave the rest to your peripheral vision. Think of it as a personal development game. If you frequently find yourself standing around, glancing at attractive women who aren't interested in you, you're obviously wasting time. Find a way to use that time for personal development, instead.

7) If you're worried about becoming a desirable man, don't take the opinions of women too seriously. Most women couldn't tell you how to be a man, even if they had the inclination to try. Bathe, groom, nurture your health, mind, and spirit. Keep working on your personal development. Eventually, you'll notice women who are "out of your league" starting to give you a second look. Suddenly, you'll realize that everything is going to be splendid!

[rbhambha]

Originally Posted by bdc

You remind me of myself, from 15 years ago. There is so much I would like to tell you.

1) If I could give you only one piece of advice, it would be to read the book Awareness, by Anthony de Mello. The book includes short talks on a variety of topics, but the discussion of relationships will shake up your perspective, which will probably be a growth experience.

2) It sounds like you and your girlfriend are a little un-confident. It sounds like you depend on each other for your sense of self-worth. When your self-worth depends on the opinion of another, you become a slave to that person. Slavery is not a healthy condition. If you and your girlfriend don't grow out of your mutual slavery, together, you'll eventually need to break up for your mutual well being.

3) Ugly girls are starved for attention, this causes them to behave strangely. Beautiful girls are overwhelmed with attention, this causes them to behave strangely. When you understand, in your heart, that beautiful women are as cursed and warped as ugly women, inner peace will come to your more easily. You will find it a lot easier to love all women for who they are. You'll feel less compelled to look at every pretty girl that walks by.

4) As you get older, your sex drive will probably mellow a little. Surprisingly, this is one of the best things about getting older! Instead of being mute and stupefied in the presence of women, you will find a broad range of women pleasantly intoxicating. You'll enjoy just chatting, or meeting for lunch, or smiling. You'll cease to care whether the woman in front of you has a boyfriend, because you're enjoying the simple pleasure of her company, in the moment.

5) You are probably over-estimating the men and women around you. As you learn to judge them more accurately, you will care less what they think. Focus on your long-term personal development. It's the only thing you can control, anyway. You'll eventually find yourself surpassing people you used to desire or envy.

6) Pretty girls do like to be looked at, by desirable men. If you're not a desirable man yet, all you need to do is avoid leering and go about your business with a relaxed attitude. If you sense that an alarmingly beautiful woman may be in the vicinity, challenge yourself to glance only at her face. Leave the rest to your peripheral vision. Think of it as a personal development game. If you frequently find yourself standing around, glancing at attractive women who aren't interested in you, you're obviously wasting time. Find a way to use that time for personal development, instead.

7) If you're worried about becoming a desirable man, don't take the opinions of women too seriously. Most women couldn't tell you how to be a man, even if they had the inclination to try. Bathe, groom, nurture your health, mind, and spirit. Keep working on your personal development. Eventually, you'll notice women who are "out of your league" starting to give you a second look. Suddenly, you'll realize that everything is going to be splendid!

Some of the best advice pertaining to women I've read in a long time. Thanks.