Anybody have an interesting take?

[AnonyMouse]

So, I don't have a girlfriend.
I would really like to have a girlfriend.
I don't have many friends outside of my current social circle.
I would really like to be able to make friends

So, there is this girl in some of my classes. She is rather pretty, and last term I tended to sit with her and her friend in those classes.
From casual observation, she seems to have very few friends at school.
I feel really bad making this observation. Because I have no right to be classifying people, and because it is (in my estimation) a negative assumption.
I would really like to get to know her "more". (At this point I make no defense of this pre-dispositon)
Every time I sit next to her, I feel awkward, because I don't know how to start a conversation with somebody who is not paying particular attention to you, and because i feel bad about having made the previous assumption.
I also have difficulty with the fact that I have some friends in that class, and in talking to her, they will be aware and thus...i dont even know.

Does anybody have an interesting take on the situation? Something that will make me somewhat less of an idiot. The advice of "just talk to her" and "don't care what people think" are just not doing it. What I really need is the logic that leads up to not only accepting these things but implementing them. Any help would be really appreciated.

Thanks

-Me

[Brutha]

I feel really bad making this observation. Because I have no right to be classifying people, and because it is (in my estimation) a negative assumption.

You shouldn't feel bad about making any observations.
As long as you keep it inside your own head it is okay to make any observation.
If you block yourself from making negative observation that takes mental effort that is much better spent elsewhere.

I also have difficulty with the fact that I have some friends in that class, and in talking to her, they will be aware and thus...i dont even know.

Do your friends don't like her, or why should it be a big deal for them if you simply talk with her?

In a given class there are probably things that you don't understand directly, how about asking her afterwards about whether she understood what the teacher meant?

[Plato]

Originally Posted by AnonyMouse

The advice of "just talk to her" and "don't care what people think" are just not doing it. What I really need is the logic that leads up to not only accepting these things but implementing them.

Not caring what people think and being spontaneous is more physiological than logical. You don't need logical steps - you've done more than enough thinking, you just need to make it happen. So how can you change physiological state? Some people find NLP useful, but the best thing to do is to gradually push outside your comfort zone by doing things that make you feel a little bit uncomfortable. Keep expanding until you can do anything without any discomfort at all.

Most importantly, PRACTICE spontaneity. Practice spontaneity in everything you do. Practice making snap decisions and following through. You get an urge to go for a run? Run. You get an urge to cook some food? Do it. Don't think, just do.

Practice doing without thinking, it'll get easier, and your brain will switch on more and more. It'll start automatically giving you the information you need to make GOOD decisions. It will happen if you practice.

[Restrikted]

I think I'm understanding what you're going through. From what I gathered, you're kind of embarassed talking to her because your friends are around. I know exactly how you feel. I don't want my friends to make judgements on me based on how I talk to girls, even though they're my friends and they would never do that. It's all in your/my head. I was afraid to talk to a girl in my school since there were quite a few of my friends around during class, so one day I just went up to her after school and asked her out. I got shot down, but the thing is, it wasn't a big deal to her even though it was to me. The things we make huge deals out of (asking out a girl or just talking to her), mean almost nothing to girls. So just do it, ask her out or just talk to her, she won't think anything of it.

For a way to talk to her, just ask to borrow her notes, and while doing so, just make a statement to yourself out loud, like "man, this class is boring", make sure she hears you, then ask her what she thinks of it. If you like it though, just interchange some words. The key to having a good conversation with someone is to never ask yes/no questions. Like my example above, instead of saying "do you like this class?" ask "what do you think about this class?" It forces them to think and to say something meaningful, which you can then ask another question about her answer, instead of yes/no which is the quickest possible way to end a conversation.

[The Cloud]

Your problem is that you need her approval. You feel a need to convince her that you are conversation-worthy. You have linked your feelings of self-worth to your perception of her feelings on the same. You are now on damage-control, trying to retain some sense of self-worth by convincing her that you are worth something. This is not a game you can win at, because you will always be on the defensive, always searching for ways to prevent her from devaluing you.

If you really want to get to know her, lose the expectations. Once you stop trying to get something from her, you will be able to approach her as a person rather than a means of self esteem. Of course, you can't drop your expectations with the expectation that once they are gone you will be able to get somewhere with this girl. You will be afraid that once you have dropped your expectations you will no longer have any desire to talk to her and will not do so, which is not in line with what you want now and so doesn't seem desirable. You must simply have faith that you will do what is best for you if you lose your expectations of her. That is the basic problem; lack of faith in yourself to do what is best. Trust yourself, trust your instinct, and you can do no wrong.

[ilovetoday]

You find her attractive, how do you know if you like her if you dont talk to her? girls and boys can be friends, just start it out like that and get to know her first.

conversation starters:
have you done your homework/started your assignment
what topic did you choose (if there is a topic choice)
Make a coment about the teacher or the topic your studying and ask her opion


or if you like being funny try only if you naturally joke around a laugh can be a decent ice breaker and automatically give her an instant liking to you. but a joke in bad taste could make her think your are wierd and annoying.
do you like spiders? (no) good me either.

Once you have broken the ice try a cople more open ended questions.


And as for your friends, if they have problems supporting you liking who you want they might not be very good friends if they are supportive they could even help you out

i liked a couple of boys in my classes and even my friends and it turned out that they liked me too when we talked a few years later. maybe she is just waiting for you to talk to her?

[Lazarus]

start talking and see where it goes on here, you have to create a flow of a conversation. even if it's a hi, how was your day so far? or borrow something that you don't have that looks like she has spare, like an eraser or something. but make sure it's with respect. asking for that little in the class would create a sort of confort zone for other topics, such has questions related to the class? you'll create yourself more and more opportunities afterwards and maybe talking in between breaks. Who knows, she might be in the same position as you but has that same barrier.

wait for more approvals to this instead of deciding immediately, cause it's been a long time since i did this and i don't intend on hurting people in the outcome of it all