Controlling Conversations

[abcZen]

I've just written a blog post titled '4 powerful ways to control any conversation'

The aim is to 'lead' them then be able to turn them into something positive

4 Powerful Ways to Control any Conversation

The 4 ways being:

• "Obviously"
• Changing the Subject
• Unreactive
• "If you say so"

Would love your thoughts

[Angela]

Why would want to control a conversation? Why not dance in it?

[Jamie]

Yeah, what are the pros' and cons' of controlling the situation, or people?

It takes a lot of energy, and you restrict yourself to your current experience and knowledge (i.e. not open to learning new things, or have other people open up to you and share their experiences with you).

Sometimes, being in control, is like putting on the brakes. Being in control with people can be a major turn-off; they can sense you being controlling, and they just won't open up to you and help you...

Isn't it better to encourage the people around you, to be the best they can be; to make them feel excellent and great, isn't that better than just you feeling excellent and great all on your own?

[abcZen]

Originally Posted by Angela

Why would want to control a conversation? Why not dance in it?

When a conversation is someone that wants to start an argument or someone who is being very negative. It is actually beneficial to them in helping them get out of that frame.

The same could be said for a random guy who wants to beat you up (this has happened to me). I have had this experience, a random person trying to beat me up that I had never even spoke too, I went home in a police van that night.

Knowing how to deal with their words and get them out of the negativity would have helped immensely.

Originally Posted by Jamie

Yeah, what are the pros' and cons' of controlling the situation, or people?

It takes a lot of energy, and you restrict yourself to your current experience and knowledge (i.e. not open to learning new things, or have other people open up to you and share their experiences with you).

Sometimes, being in control, is like putting on the brakes. Being in control with people can be a major turn-off; they can sense you being controlling, and they just won't open up to you and help you...

Isn't it better to encourage the people around you, to be the best they can be; to make them feel excellent and great, isn't that better than just you feeling excellent and great all on your own?

Bare in mind, this isn't for a normal conversation (maybe you guys didn't check the post) this is more about a situation that you feel shouldn't be happening.

i.e. irrelevant argument, random bully etc etc

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by abcZen

Bare in mind, this isn't for a normal conversation (maybe you guys didn't check the post) this is more about a situation that you feel shouldn't be happening.

i.e. irrelevant argument, random bully etc etc

Ok, and also as you mentioned, for situations where someone is 'angling' for a fight, in any case, it's going to be someone I don't want to be in conversation with; those kind of situations have a very different dynamic, I agree..

I guess how you handle it depends on how aggressive the person is being; if very aggressive; you'll want to get out of there ASAP, and however you feel is best to do that, go for it.

For me; the first thing I'm going to be aware of, is what can this person do to me, i.e. attack me; and I'll want to have in mind a contingency for such an eventuality (and I do do this as I'm walking along the street sometimes).

In terms of what I say, or don't say; I think it can be tricky. I want to calm or cool the person down, to placate them, not heat them up to action. So not being confrontational in my choice of words, should give them nothing to push back against, or react to; I'm not giving them the excuse they're looking for, to take it to a physical level.

That's my first concern.

Other than that, ignore them.

[Angela]

Ah, I see what you mean. So it's not so much control as it is guidance.

[pianoperformer]

I have to disagree with changing the subject. Anytime someone does that to me, I feel slighted, even if I may not express it. The others are good, though, though an example for "obviously" would've been nice.

[Brutha]

The some could be said for a random guy who wants to beat you up (this has happened to me). I have had this experience, a random person trying to beat me up that I had never even spoke too, I went home in a police van that night.

Actually I don't think that the techniques you have written about would have helped you in that situation.

In general you write about ways to defend yourself, but defending is not that smart in a conversation because it put the other person into a frame where they attacked you.
It's better to be like water.
To be flexible, be centered and to dance around.

[abcZen]

Originally Posted by Jamie

Ok, and also as you mentioned, for situations where someone is 'angling' for a fight, in any case, it's going to be someone I don't want to be in conversation with; those kind of situations have a very different dynamic, I agree..

I guess how you handle it depends on how aggressive the person is being; if very aggressive; you'll want to get out of there ASAP, and however you feel is best to do that, go for it.

For me; the first thing I'm going to be aware of, is what can this person do to me, i.e. attack me; and I'll want to have in mind a contingency for such an eventuality (and I do do this as I'm walking along the street sometimes).

In terms of what I say, or don't say; I think it can be tricky. I want to calm or cool the person down, to placate them, not heat them up to action. So not being confrontational in my choice of words, should give them nothing to push back against, or react to; I'm not giving them the excuse they're looking for, to take it to a physical level.

That's my first concern.

Other than that, ignore them.

Great post, and thanks for the feedback

Trying to get someone out of that state is a great idea

Originally Posted by Brutha

Actually I don't think that the techniques you have written about would have helped you in that situation.

In general you write about ways to defend yourself, but defending is not that smart in a conversation because it put the other person into a frame where they attacked you.
It's better to be like water.
To be flexible, be centered and to dance around.

Interesting Brutha, I appreciate that you are sharing your thoughts though

Then maybe flipping the conversation to something else might have worked in that situation, I guess it's hard to pinpoint every outcome


Thanks all for the feedback, I'm glad you all didn't just agree with my work and were actually honest in your feedback, that's what helps me grow as a writer and as someone in this field - Peace

[therisingsun09]

I don't think that it's right to systematically manipulate people in that way, but there are many people out there who do. For me this is useful ammo when "fighting fire against fire" as the expression goes