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| I will take a stab at this question. What I think guys think is the most important things in marriage? You said three major things - Trust, Respect, Responsibility. You HAVE to have trust in the relationship. You HAVE to respect EACHOTHER in the relationship. Each person in the relationship HAS to take charge of his/her responsibilities. I don't think that there can be a real, well-adjusted relationship without mutual trust and respect. If there is an unbalance in the responsibility department, one will always be taken advantage of and the relationship will suffer. I am surprised that sex wasn't listed up there in the top three! I know that has to be of huge importance. I am not sure where men place the aspect of communication. It is HUGE. You have to discuss pretty much everything. If not, you will not grow together, you won't understand eachother, you won't share in eachother's dreams and goals, and after a while, you won't be on the same page. The relationship will suffer. Anyway, I am sure there is more, but I am out of time. |
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What we are finding is people change. Do we always change in the same direction? Not necessarily. But, that doesn't mean instant divorce. Communication is HUGE. Honest, non-nagging communication. As "the wife" I am learning not to get "upset" when my DH voices his opinion. As I have gotten better at this, we have had way more open dialogs! It helps. Ultimately, whatever works for people, you know? Each couple will be different. I used to get so upset that my husband and I weren't all "lovey-dovey" like my best friends. They had albums and albums of pictures of them all entertwined in hugs and posing in front of places they travel to.... we have like two pictures of us together in the last two years.. lol. Well, they are now divorced. So, putting on a show isn't my cup of tea. We are honest. Marriage isn't "eternal bliss"..... it's marriage. It's two people working together through life.
__________________ Life Less Distracted: my quest for a life less distracted. |
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| The most important thing, to me, is to let your spouses be who they are. Just let them BE. It's OK to be an example to them; it is not OK to tear down their self esteem just because they don't do things the way you do them. |
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| I would say "Communication" is the most important, which includes talking about one's own feelings. My wife and I agreed to consider it as the most important thing in our relationship. Communication includes being honest about one's feeling and being ready to listen and understand the other person's feelings. Without communication there would be many misunderstandings, for example about the other person's expectations. |
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| I think relationships become a dance between independence/personal responsibility and intimacy/interdependence, between quietly taking responsibility for your own feelings and trying to present your best side to your partner and respectfully treating them well even when you aren't naturally inclined, and having a partner see/know all of you and be able to be totally comfortable and honest and to take chances depending on each other... you need a lot of trust and respect and personal responsibility as well as affection and communication to be able to go with the natural flow of the relationship instead of trying to manipulate each other. |
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