What more can I do?

[ConquerSelf]

i hate my my mom's husband. i won't call him my stepfather because he is none of the sort. he's incompetent, he's lazy, and he's so far from being a real man.

i ignored him for the first 5 years they were married because this idiot is dumber than a box of rocks. he's disliked me ever since i told him off when i was about 14. he used to cuss alot back then, with my sisters around, and when i found out i put him through a wall...literally. i told him to take his ****-for-brains and bounce. my mom talked him out of it which sucks because i think the only reason they're togethre is because she just needed someone--anyone for support after my parent's divorce. so yeh, you can say we don't get along....

but recently (4 months ago), he lost his job being the idiot he is, and failed to try getting a job for TWO MONTHS. well, i pulled him aside and gave him 15minutes of my mind. i basically told him i would personally destroy all the litle perosnal possesions he had and kick him out of the house.

now, don't get it twisted. im not a bad person, but when my mom has to get a second job and i have to pay half of the mortgage (i am 18) you bet im gonna give this boy hell.

so what ended up happening is that he went and told my mom what i told him and she told ME to lay off him and worry about myself. then, he has the f'in nerve to tell me what i can do to help around the house and makes me sound like a bad guy in ffront of my mom. and moreover, he puts on this cute act of the manly man in front of my moms friends. but on the other hand, im very thankful that he doesnt hit/abuse/yell at my mom. believe me, thats great. but he turns my own mother against me often citing my bonfires/parties with my friends. you know, things that teenagers do. F HIM.

ok, screw this....so ive been just about only sleeping at the house for 3-4 nights a week and doin everything else on my own.

i love my mom shes the best. but as much as i try too, the distance between us is getting bigger and bigger. the jerk meanwhile, is livin the life; his sister gave him a brand spankin new car after he ran my moms van into the ground. as for me, i totaled my truck that i paid for last month, and guess what--ive been riding my bicycle until i getmy motorcycle running.

i dont know, sorry for the rant but i just dont get it. im sick of this. im happier than ive ever been in my life, yet this bs never stops.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by ConquerSelf

so what ended up happening is that he went and told my mom what i told him and she told ME to lay off him and worry about myself.

That sounds like good advice.

Now, before you tell me I'm an idiot, hear me out. He knows full well your thoughts on the matter. It hasn't changed him one bit. It never will (he may change, but it won't be because you told him to). Your mom chooses to be with him, and even if you think her reasons are stupid that is her current choice which she doesn't seem inclined to change soon.

So what will being angry, talking trash to him or resentment get you? Not a damn thing but more drama and more distance between you and your mom. That's the reality of it.

You said you love your mom so respect her decision. Have a respectful sit down and tell her how you feel if you must, but then drop it.

Take care of yourself, stay out of their business and be happy.

As far as paying half the mortgage, I don't know how much that is, but what about getting your own place instead?

[ConquerSelf]

hey thanks

yeh, thats my usual stance. i just stay away, but at some points something has to be said. ive talked to my mom plenty of times, but it usually ends with her getting mad at me becasue she wants me to get along with him. aint happening.

thanks again

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by ConquerSelf

hey thanks

yeh, thats my usual stance. i just stay away, but at some points something has to be said. ive talked to my mom plenty of times, but it usually ends with her getting mad at me becasue she wants me to get along with him. aint happening.

thanks again

Yeah, exactly, your current approach isn't really doing any good.

If it were me, I would have one final sit down with your mom. I don't know what the tone of your other talks was, but be sure to make it really respectful and calm and stick to facts. Lay out your position before her and let her know that this is the last time you are going to talk about this with her. I would also let her know that you will be available to her if she needs you. You don't have to say this, but the point being if she does at some point decide that he's not the guy for her, she knows she can count on your support to get out.

I would never say you need to be buddies with this guy, but he's your mother's choice and that is to be respected (at great distance and with little interaction is fine). I think it's fair to say she is already well aware of your thoughts on the matter .

Good luck.

[ConquerSelf]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

Yeah, exactly, your current approach isn't really doing any good.

If it were me, I would have one final sit down with your mom. I don't know what the tone of your other talks was, but be sure to make it really respectful and calm and stick to facts. Lay out your position before her and let her know that this is the last time you are going to talk about this with her. I would also let her know that you will be available to her if she needs you. You don't have to say this, but the point being if she does at some point decide that he's not the guy for her, she knows she can count on your support to get out.

I would never say you need to be buddies with this guy, but he's your mother's choice and that is to be respected (at great distance and with little interaction is fine). I think it's fair to say she is already well aware of your thoughts on the matter .

Good luck.

right. i tried to explain it without bias with the truth of the matter. this thread can now be deleted, just needed to vent.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by ConquerSelf

right. i tried to explain it without bias with the truth of the matter. this thread can now be deleted, just needed to vent.

I see. Sorry I went so serious and preachy on you!

[ConquerSelf]

Originally Posted by {aspiring_to_clarity}

I see. Sorry I went so serious and preachy on you!

no i really appreciate what you said. i just tend to get over things pretty quickly lol