View of relationships

[coLLege kid07]

My view of relationships is that of love and give to others. I've found that however not many people are open to this view and this leaves me in a bind. I'm not sure whether I should place a restriction on the belief such as love and give to others as long as they are open to it, or if there is some other way....or something...to think of it. I feel I really want to spread love as best I can to everyone and not just individuals open to it. I'm not sure if this is at all possible and am not sure of what action I should take (if any at all). I'd love to hear your opinions and thanks for your help.

Peace and love to all

[Alison Jenkins]

Keep being yourself. I am a real smiler - always have been. I smile at people all the time, in fact on my daily walk I make a real effort to smile at all the people who I think may need cheering up or make a difference to, like the elderly people etc. You never know who you may touch. One day I had a guy in his 40's say I've never seen such a lovely smile so early in the morning (9am). Some people continue on with a stern face but you really don't know whether it has touched them. Someone once told me it made such a difference to him when women smiled at him and it made his day. The smile was not about sexual attraction but about him feeling better about himself as he was very overweight.

You will never really know where you love really touches someone's heart .... so keep being yourself. Just because I don't get a reaction doesn't stop me smiling, caring or loving. It's a bit like always holding the door open for people - some will thank you and others will be exceptionally rude but it doesn't stop me doing it

Alison

[Rafael Perez]

I have noticed in most relationships the breakdown that will occur has a lot to do with feelings of self worth. These feelings of self worth are for the most part negative and cast horrible needs upon a person. These needs have a lot to do with fears that are developed throughout their lives which in part build to a foundation of lies we live in order to justify the negativity we surround our selves with. It is these lies that ruin all types of relationships.

One of the biggest fears we have is of being alone, and we will do what ever it takes to not be alone anymore including telling yourself and others that you love them.

You will know you are lying when you say "I love you" and expect to hear it back, and get a little upset when you don't hear it.

The truth is "I am saying I love you because I do not love myself and thus I need to hear you say it so I can feel loved and secure."

Love is unconditional, that means you set no expectations, limitations or conditions on why you love someone. That person shouldn't have to do anything in order to show love to you, if you love them for who they are then you inspire them to be themselves and you love them for it.

Just be yourself, love yourself unconditionally and give love unconditionally. Like Alison said, she doesn't do it for the reaction of others, she does it for herself because in showing love for herself, she is showing love to others.

Do things that are inline with your happiness, do things because they make you happy. If someone responds in a positive way GREAT!!! If someone doesn't respond GREAT!!! as long as it all makes you happy for you and doesn't make you depend on others to make you happy.

When you live your life trying so hard to please people and meet any type of expectation set before you, it will lead you down a road of resentment and worthlessness.

So go out and have fun and do all the things that make you smile. Give love, do things because they make you happy regardless if anyone will notice you or approve... Just go out and live and share that beauty if it makes you happy.

[kboleski]

Know that you have a STRENGTH!!!! You just said it, not everyone reciprocates or understands. This is a gift you have been given!!!!! A REAL GIFT!!! USE IT!!!! I know, caps, hehehehehe. You never know whose day can be brightened by your simple smile. A lot of your peers are probably in college, right? I know that when I was in college, I was pretty focused on my grades, working, having fun, dating, etc... I have always been an open, caring person. But, through my college years, I was busy, didn't have time to really give much of myself and in a different frame of mind. I didn't lose my integrity, but I wasn't the person I could have been to others. In school, I was the cheerleader that opened the mentally retarded girl's locker because she couldn't do it. My friends asked me, "Why would you do that, help her?" I said, "Because she needed help, and I could give it to her." I told you this to tell you, LEAD BY EXAMPLE. Be proud of yourself. Don't let other's make you feel weird or less because you have a heart. Motivate by your positive energy, mentoring style, to raise other people to your level. You can't make anyone do anything, but you can inspire people. Don't give yourself away though. Also, know that there will be many people who will use you. They will take everything you have and give nothing in return. Cut those off early, or at least restrict your offerings. You have to find a balance. Another, idea that others may not mention, but I really believe is true is that others feel awkward around strong, open, giving people. I think it is because they envy you a little, or have to separate themselves from you because they know you will outshine them, or both! For those people, it is about their social standing. Then there are others who feel sorry for giving people. I know that sounds crazy, but I know people who believe that loving, caring, giving people are weak. Can you believe that? It takes more umph, energy to help others to the end, sacrifice, do what you say you are going to do, than just being selfish and doing nothing for anyone. You don't want to surround yourself with people from either of those two groups, they will just bring you down, make you doubt yourself. You WILL find like minded, open, friendly, loving, helpful friends. It just takes time! Be selective. You tend to become like the people you hang around, so choose wisely!

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by kboleski

You can't make anyone do anything, but you can inspire people. Don't give yourself away though. Also, know that there will be many people who will use you. They will take everything you have and give nothing in return. Cut those off early, or at least restrict your offerings. You have to find a balance. Another, idea that others may not mention, but I really believe is true is that others feel awkward around strong, open, giving people.

Thanks everyone for replying and thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it.

I think I enjoyed the first statement in that I can inspire people. Why that's how I got started in personal development and the first place, and it'd feel really good to give that back to others. I must agree that my life is extremely unbalanced right now and to find some stability wouldn't be so bad. Again thanks everyone for the advice and God Bless.