Emotional shift

[pavilion103]

Two years ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and I was shattered. It was the best 2 year of my life in many respects. At first I reacted very desperately and could not imagine a life without her.

I am the type of person who is only looking for that special person and that is all I want. For the first 6 months after this I really struggled emotionally, my life was centred around this dissapointment.

One year after the event I still felt not quite myself, myself esteem was low and I just wasnt "free" to be the type of person I was and wanted to become.

Fast forward to the start of 2008. A lot of the personal development I undertook has showed great benefits and my emotional state has shifted 180 degrees. All of a sudden as if unexplainedly I am feeling joyous and at peace. Recently I've been getting close to a friend of mine and 2 months ago I decided I'd give it two months before I ask her out, just to make sure I CAN live without a girl and that I could be myself regardless of my circumstances!

I am so excited now and haven't felt this way about anyone since my last girlfriend!

I am a little nervous but mainly excited. This would just make me so happy and really capp off a great 2 years of personal development and getting myself to a position where I have become detached and free of the need for alot of things in life.

Just wanted to share this story because eve 6 months ago I did not feel I would be able to obtain this state of mind. If anyone would like me to talk about what I think the major things that helped were I am happy to!

I was once a person that came onto these sites and looked for more and more information, but failed desperately to apply it. Things seem to much clearer now and many things have fallen into place. Many new great friends and a great state of mind.

Just thought I'd share this

[VelociRaptor]

Hey pavilion103,

I am where you started out at the moment, have only just separated from my wife after 11 years (2.5 years married) and am in the process of trying to get some sort of a life back on track. My first thought is to jump straight back into a long term relationship with the first girl that shows interest, but I know this isn't the right thing to do. I need to live a life on my own for a while (this is something I have not really done before).

I have been on these forums for a couple of weeks now trying to gather as much info as I can, so any information you can share would be great.

I am in the process of getting the finances sorted with my wife and I and then once that is all out of the way I can hopefully start jumping in and enjoying life again and finding some new friends.

Cheers

VR

[pavilion103]

Hello,

Firstly I would like to say that I am very sorry to hear about your situation. I feel that to a degree I can empathise for you and I will share a few things with you which have helped me.

1. accept your current position and acknowledge that no matter how much personal develop you undertake right now, you may not notice the benefits for them until weeks or possible months down the track.
2. You need to create a momentum in your life. You cannot all of a sudden turn on a switch or read these forums and develop a magic solution to solve everything. An emotional shift will come by being disciplined with the small things daily. You need to practice Mastery of the little details of your life which you can control on a daily basis, over and over again. Eventually a momentum shift will occur and you will begin to feel the benefits of your hard work!
3. focusing your best effort on your task at hand. At first I was unable to do anything without thinking about her and also didn't feel motivated to even make decent conversation with other people because I felt it was pointless. I really began to force myself to do this after a while and immediately felt the benefits. I met a friend, who introduced me to a group of friends and I all of a sudden had a bunch of amazing, loving, caring friends. The more effort I put into conversations and took an interest in other people, the better I felt, and the better people responded to me, which up lifted me. All of a sudden I was no longer the victim, but someone people wanted to hang around with and someone who was able to up lift others.
4. Acknoledge that: YOU WILL BE AS HAPPY AS YOU WANT TO BE!
If you realy do trust in the above principles and apply them you WILL see results. For me it took a while, but the more diligent I became the quicker results came. It is like training for the Olympics, you may not notice changes on a daily basis, but once the 4 years comes and you compete and win the gold medal you will realise how much better you are and how much the hard work you did do benefited you.

There are many theories, principles and cliches which you will come across, but the bottom line is this: APPLY THEM SUCCESSFULLY....
You cannot see their true power until you let go and trust them and then you will have a revelation like I did. It all comes down to how willing and patient you are. I promise you with al my heart that if you do this it will change your life and your emotions will shift completeley.

I will leave you with one more thing:
Just do it! Things look hard now, but once you do this you will begin to see results, which will give you more motivation, which will lead to more results and the cycle continues....
no matter how much you read at the end of the day only YOU can make this work! take accountability and just try it.

Thanks,
Matt

p.s. if you would like to talk some more about this, feel free to ask me anything

[Alison Jenkins]

This is such an inspiration for others who find themselves in the same situation

Alison

[VelociRaptor]

Hi Matt,

Thanks for the reply and world of very good information.

I have accepted my current situation, this took a while, but I am there now. I am spending a lot of time with family and friends and they are really helping me get through this stage in my life. I know what it feels like to lack the motivation to fully commit to the task at hand. This is improving though, initially I was operating at about 10% at work (work has also been really great with this, telling me to take as long as I need), whereas I am now probably closer to 70 - 80%.

I have moved back to my old stomping grounds, but I this is only going to be temporary, the commute for where my work and the majority of my friends are is a little on the long side, but at least I have a roof over my head and a place for my pets (I have 2 dogs and 2 cats). The pets alone are causing me some issues, to me they are a commitment like children, so it will make it a little difficult to up and travel. It also means when I decide to sell my house and move closer to the city, I will need to look at buying another house with a back yard, instead of being able to move into a smaller unit or townhouse. I am sure I will work out what needs to be done, and it may even be one of these cases where I need to put myself first for once.

Am going out with mates and family often, so I am not stuck at home to often. Have also gotten back into playing indoor beach volleyball 2 nights a week. I go to the gym 2 nights a week and run 3 days a week (will be back into it once my injured foot heals). I also want to look at doing some cooking lessons once I find a place either close to work or home.

I still find a few hours for time with myself though, where I can sit back and relax, listen to music or read a book. I want to make sure I am not doing too much, just enough to keep me fairly busy.

Well I guess that is a little more information about where I am at, I think I am going okay, but if anyone can see any red flags in what I have said then please let me know.

Thanks

James (VR)

[pavilion103]

It seems like you have got the right attitude and are commited to moving forward now. I really hope everything works out for the best and that I am confident in my heart that you will eventually find you way back to the place where you are truely happy and living to your potential

Hope to see you around this forum

God Bless,
Matt