Feeling lonely

[Sanity Panda]

My social life is next to nothing. I've been alone for the last few months at home, occasionally contacting friends every several weeks. In a weird way, forums & chatrooms have become a substitute for contact except that it'll still feel empty.

People tell me that I don't need to be dependant on others, that it's possible to be content alone, while also being happy when surrounded by company. This seems to be true and I believe it whole heartedly but... that is not the problem.

I don't feel like that at all.
It feels impossible to just change my feelings like that. How people can change their emotions like that. What am I doing that's different?

[blazer1]

dude ... loneliness is a negative emotion to tell you you are doing something wrong.

you can either ignore this emotion or take its advice and find some friends.

theoretically, the more friends you have, the greater the chances you have for reproduction, therefore it is a matter of life/death that you go and find friends.

I find people reciprocate your friendliness towards others ... so if you feel as if you want someone to befriend you first, then it probably wont happen (chances are others have friends already, and they dont need an extra friend). So you must make the effort of finding friends, doing things with them etc etc ...

alternatively find a girl/boyfriend.

[Sanity Panda]

Mm... You seem to be right.

I just thought that loneliness was a way of thinking.

[Sheamus]

Originally Posted by Sanity Panda

My social life is next to nothing. I've been alone for the last few months at home, occasionally contacting friends every several weeks. In a weird way, forums & chatrooms have become a substitute for contact except that it'll still feel empty.

Forums and chatrooms can be a great way to make new friends but their limitations reveal themselves when you log off and find yourself, once again, in an empty room.

As blazer1 suggests, you need to get 'out there'. Take the initiative - arrange nights out (and in) with the friends you have now. Don't wait - or expect - for them to do it for you.

And do it with the best foot forward - go out feeling positive and confident and you will be positive and confident.

Alternatively, if you are moody and distant around your friends they will think you want to be left alone and this will lead you full-circle. Which is of course not what you desire.

Be as positive as you can be, and take the initiative. Soak up any early setbacks and keep pushing!

[axelg]

Hello Sanity Panda!

For starters, there is nothing wrong with you. Many a soul in today's world feel lonely and that makes for unpleasant emotions. This is a normal reaction to your situation.

Perhaps it would be good for you to talk to someone about your situation - face to face. With due respect, the internet is a wonderful thing but it's by no means a valid substitute for human contact.

Having meaningful activities works as sound therapy for many. We are individuals, so what works for some may not work for everyone. See what works for you...

Deep relaxation is another way of approaching your situation. It relaxes the body - it's really soothing. Deep relaxation has many health benefits - so you got everything to win.

How about joining a group or charity and make new friends that way.

Spend more time with your parents and sisters and brothers.

Treat yourself to something nice, why not a personal development dvd or something that you think would support you along the way...

Best of luck!


Emotional Healing

[metamorph]

Wayne Dyer says something like: "You are always alone, but you are only lonely if you don't like the person you are alone with"

I think there is much truth in this. You are essentially always alone even if you are among 30000 people in a football stadium, or if you are among your family during christmas. And, if you really have good self-esteem and a focus or goal in your life, you can be alone, but won't be lonely. At least this applies to me. I crave for social company mostly when I am in a low, but when I feel good about myself, I am perfectly happy alone. But then everybody is different, and especially female friends of mine have a far greater need for company. The question for you: why are you alone? Does it subcionsciously pay-off somehow (avoiding rejection/criticism ,fear of intimacy etc)? Do you make a proactive effort not to be alone?