cant let go of my friend but hurts to stay

[sonicpunk32]

I'm the kind of guy who favors deep fulfilling relationships, friendships. I've had this friendship with this girl, she's younger than me, but I've known her for about 8 months. We talked about deep things like spirituality, people's minds, how they behave. And other things like technology and other stuff.

I've always noted that she is inconsiderate, self centered, and lacked the ability to give sympathy. Things I hate in a friend. I've learned that I'm a sensitive person, and I dont like superficial friendships. My need for closeness always kept me revealing things about myself. She'd reveal things about herself too, but I'd find myself caring about her issues. On some days she'd come to me to share her issues, she'd talk about them, I'd give my sympathies, and then on other days she'd be, randomly, about something else. I had noticed that when it came to my issues, she would would fail to give me any sympathy. The day after sharing these issues, she wouldnt even bother asking how I'm doing. I had talked about this with her, and that was one of the things I'd like about her is that we could talk and analyze our friendship. Not all the time, though, just sometimes.

The past few months it had come to my attention, that I was ignoring my needs in this. I was giving way more than I was receiving. She ignores many of my questions, fact I didnt even know neglecting people was acceptable behavior. But, I couldnt really see this cause, her disinterest was carefully masked by clever subject changes that mainly revolved around her. But a part of me doesnt want to let this friendship go cause, if I do, I'll be admitting to myself that deep fulfilling frienships just arent possible. I've had a few heart to hearts with her, which really fooled me into thinking that we were getting closer, but, I feel those were mostly for her benefit, I was being used. I wish there was a better way. I shouldnt hate her, but I end up hating people and myself because I give of myself and feel incredibly horrible when I dont receive anything back.

[Alison Jenkins]

"But a part of me doesnt want to let this friendship go cause, if I do, I'll be admitting to myself that deep fulfilling frienships just arent possible."

It sounds as though you believe if you admit that this friendship isn't fulfilling your needs then no other friendship will. I have many deep and meaningful friendships with people who I can be myself and say things as they are. Just because one friendship doesn't work out it doesn't mean that it is the same for every relationship.

Alison

[sonicpunk32]

I want some new close friends, but I just don't know where to find any. There's this guy I've known for a few years, I asked him yesterday how he relates to people, what he talks about with people, what kind of people he likes. The first thing he said to me was just how deep those questions are and how nobody has ever asked him such questions. Next he told me that he didnt know how to answer them cause he never thinks about such things. I then asked myself, how can a person never think about these things? He just goes through life without thinking about it, though he has very many friends and is very social.