Interesting Observation

[boston]

I'm not usually one to post advice, but I've just made a personal discovery (not like a REVELATION or anything, just something I just found that was useful) which I think people in this forum might find interesting:

I've always had friends, but now in college, having friends has been institutionalized. At our university, we have these mansions that serve alcohol food to upperclassmen. Most upperclassmen get memberships to one of these mansions and then eat there during their last two years. To get into specific mansions, sophomores have to "rush" or compete with their fellow students socially. Some mansions are more "social" than others, and that is how it is.

The most "prestigious" mansion, as many would call it, had many students who are socially adept. To learn, I observed them. There is one technique that I picked up four weeks ago, and since using it, I have found talking to people infinitely easier (and have also gotten many more friends).

This student, a guy, talked to everyone like he was "normal." That is, he didn't try to stand out in a good way (which I often do), but instead JUST TALKED to anyone who was available. And when he talked, he didn't try to act like anyone, he was just himself. For example, when he was around girls, he talked like he was a girl...sometimes he even sounded like he was gay (he isn't, he is dating a VERY beautiful student), because he was so involved in what the girl was talking about and WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT HOW HE LOOKED. He would just talk to the girl, somewhat senselessly and would say whatever came into his head (and remember, the whole time, he was viewing himself as "just another guy," not "someone who is trying to impress").

I've read many books like The Art of Seduction to study this stuff, but I think what it comes down to is an ability to BE YOURSELF...yes, that is cliche, but to elaborate, it is an ability not to think about what others think about you, but rather to express yourself as you are...AND not think of yourself as extraordinary OR subpar, but instead just as "another person."

As I said, I applied this technique for the last three weeks, and it has worked well for me. Hope this helps.

[Dating Specialist]

Thanks for these wonderful advice Boston.

Works on any situation right? I guess this guy wasn't only just being himself, he's actually putting himself out of the equation and only focus on making his friends, including date, feel good. Kind of like "self-sacrificing" concept, though it'd be too exaggerated to apply it in this case.

But, just the concept where you are putting someone else's needs above yourself.

[Scott]

I agree to some extent, but one thing to keep in mind is this: You attract the type of people you model.

While I wouldn't mind hanging around some beautiful women, I don't think I would enjoy the conversation for very long unless they were intelligent and had something more to their personalities.

You're right, though - Be yourself... and in your spare time, improve yourself.

[Colm OReilly]

"Just be yourself" is usually rejected as advice. Why? Because it forces you to ask "who am I?" and that's a tricky one.

But yes, definitely, be yourself!

Lots of love,
Colm

[Dimitry]

Originally Posted by Colm OReilly

"Just be yourself" is usually rejected as advice. Why? Because it forces you to ask "who am I?" and that's a tricky one.

But yes, definitely, be yourself!

Lots of love,
Colm

I am what I am...me!

[andrew]

That advice only works if yourself is good. If yourself is boring and shy and lame, then it's not going to work like it's supposed to. Also take it to mean don't be fake: I'd rather see somebody that's shy or weird than somebody that's just posing or being a fake.

[dECLAN]

Originally Posted by boston

For example, when he was around girls, he talked like he was a girl...sometimes he even sounded like he was gay (he isn't, he is dating a VERY beautiful student), because he was so involved in what the girl was talking about and WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT HOW HE LOOKED. He would just talk to the girl, somewhat senselessly and would say whatever came into his head (and remember, the whole time, he was viewing himself as "just another guy," not "someone who is trying to impress")...

Referred to as being fauxmo which is a sneaky of getting the attention of girls.

Otherwise known as pretending you are gay so the girl doesn't see you as a threat or a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy) who is in touch with his emotions which some females find attractive.

[Colm OReilly]

Originally Posted by andrew

That advice only works if yourself is good. If yourself is boring and shy and lame, then it's not going to work like it's supposed to. Also take it to mean don't be fake: I'd rather see somebody that's shy or weird than somebody that's just posing or being a fake.

andrew,
I definitely agree with being genuine, it's one of the most powerful characteristics you can have. Also, who you are is a very fluid concept. You're a different person around your mother than you are around your friends than you are around your boss. But as you develop a stronger sense of identity allowing that to shine through really is good advice.

As for self improvement, and replacing your bad habits, thoughts and behaviours with more constructive and positive ones? Do it!

Lots of love,
Colm