Craigslist for dating (not like the online dating thread below)

[Restrikted]

So I was looking around the old Craigslist the other day, and I stumbled upon the "women seeking men" section. Now, as I am currently without a girlfriend and I don't know very many people at all up at college, I was thinking about trying it out and maybe make a few friends/gf. Unlike the eHarmony sites and stuff, there is no personality trait matchers or anything, just people posting ads for themselves. Basically, if you're looking for a friend or girlfriend, you start by sending them an email about yourself, and take it from there.

What do you guys think about trying this out?

On the one hand, I'm thinking to myself "YOU ARE FREAKING DESPERATE AND WEIRD!" Even if I found someone interesting and she liked me, the first meeting in real life would be awkward! But on the other hand, why not give it a try? Worse comes to worse, they aren't interested and I never meet them, back to square one.

What do you think, should I give it a try?

[jaamkie]

YES! definitely give it a try! I met the greatest guy thru craigslist. My suggestion is to not let it build into some big internet fantasy, just use it to feel out basic compatibility and then meet up casually offline like for coffee- if things click offline, the relationship will grow from there; if not you haven't invested too much time/enegry in it. Also don't expect too much from any individual woman, just like regular meeting people, it sort of works casually and on aggregate, not because every single contact you make is gonna be your perfect mate.

[Restrikted]

But how awkward is it meeting for the first time? Were you just like "hey what's up?" then move on like you were friends, or was it like having lunch with a total stranger (which I want to do someday by the way)? Also, how long did you talk online before meeting?

[Dave Kaminski]

Good luck!

Let me know how it works out - I have not had any luck with girls on craigslist! I have never put up an ad - I'm thinking maybe I should - but upon replying to the ads of others I have not had any luck whatsoever.

I'm pretty sure I exceed what most of them are asking for too :P

[jaamkie]

oh I've met up for dinner after an email back and forth just for random conversation and go from there (it helps I live next to a nice busy area full of restaurants with outdoor seating- in nice weather it is enjoyable alone or with pretty much any company). I've also been a date for the opera for an older guy who just wanted a date for the evening- it was great fun to have a fancy dinner and the opera and pleasant conversation with a total stranger with lots of great stories to tell. I've also exchanged a few emails back and forth first and met for coffee (and ended up moving to a bar and talking all night). I'd try to meet up for coffee or a drink or something, or a casual dinner, not make a big deal out of it. I'd say the most awkward moments are in your own mind before you meet (at least for me, a totally shy introvert); I'd just go in with some topics/casual questions based on your emails/calls to start a casual conversation- hopefully it flows from there. (you wouldn't happen to be in the dc area? I'd totally meet up for random dinner if you are... )

[Restrikted]

Unfortunately not, but I've always been fascinated with the idea of sitting down for lunch or dinner with someone I know nothing about and taking a look into their lives. But then again I would feel like a complete tool asking someone I've never met to lunch or dinner. They would think I was a creeper.

[robc]

Originally Posted by Restrikted

Unfortunately not, but I've always been fascinated with the idea of sitting down for lunch or dinner with someone I know nothing about and taking a look into their lives. But then again I would feel like a complete tool asking someone I've never met to lunch or dinner. They would think I was a creeper.

Your pre-conceived perception of the event is killing it before it even happens.

Why do you feel like a tool asking someone you've never met before for lunch or dinner?

Do you have to know everyone you might hook up with?

Men are driven by visual indicators, that's their first & possibly most important way of determining a suitable mate. Women are affected by visual indicators but not to the same degree, for women it's more based on how you act, how you speak, how you take the lead, your confidence levels, etc. Ever see a drop dead gorgeous woman with a man that doesn't seem to be her match physically (not ugly but not brad pitt either)? How does it happen? Attraction for women is based on an entirely different set of rules.

Back to your problem.

Check out the online ads, get in the game. Start emailing them, contact them, offer them some info about yourself (as much as they have offered about themselves) and give them your email address and ask them to contact you back if they're interested in chatting some more. You may find that you will get a few responses back and you will then start some communication which will lead to a first meeting: coffee, drinks & bite to eat, etc. From there if there is anything to pursue, it will happen, if it doesn't happen, nothing really lost but possibly alot gained: your confidence in this area in meeting new people and talking to people you've never met.

But you have to try it first if you're going to get anywhere with this.

[Restrikted]

Originally Posted by robc

But you have to try it first if you're going to get anywhere with this.

Yeah I know, God I know...I just need to take the first step and ask some random girl at college out to lunch, maybe before I try the online thing. I've done a decent amount of work on myself during the past few months, I just need to do this. I think I'll hold off on the online dating for now, at least until I can muster enough courage to ask a random girl to lunch.

Haha (partially shooting the idea down) I can see it now though.
"Hey, I've never met you before. Knowing this, would you consider having lunch with a total stranger?"

What the hell would I say?

[Angela]

A random girl, really? Do you mean a random attractive girl who looks somewhat intelligent and alert? Or are you just going to ask out the first girl you see wearing, say, a green blouse or carrying a musical instrument? (that might be fun.)

[robc]

Originally Posted by Angela

A random girl, really? Do you mean a random attractive girl who looks somewhat intelligent and alert? Or are you just going to ask out the first girl you see wearing, say, a green blouse or carrying a musical instrument? (that might be fun.)

Sorry I couldn't resist, when I heard you talk about a girl wearing a green blouse and carrying a musical instrument.

I would just walk up to some girl that is attractive to you, isn't surrounded by a swarm of girlfriends and ask her for her opinion on a question, something like do women like to eat lunch as much as men do? If she says yes, ask her for more info and tell her that you would like to back up her opinion with some hard evidence and smile & laugh about it, ask her out for lunch - seriously what's the worst that could happen?

Don't knock the online thing though, it's probably easier than walking up to these women. If you have reservations about doing this random walkup, it will show in your confidence level and that will turn off most women to be sure - women like guys who are confident, funny, witty, able to take charge and smile! If you're going to crack under the pressure during this random walkup attempt, you will crash & burn.

[Restrikted]

Of course not RANDOM girls, but girls I find attractive and could hold her own in an intellectual conversation with me.

Originally Posted by robc

I would just walk up to some girl that is attractive to you, isn't surrounded by a swarm of girlfriends and ask her for her opinion on a question, something like do women like to eat lunch as much as men do? If she says yes, ask her for more info and tell her that you would like to back up her opinion with some hard evidence and smile & laugh about it, ask her out for lunch - seriously what's the worst that could happen?

Don't knock the online thing though, it's probably easier than walking up to these women. If you have reservations about doing this random walkup, it will show in your confidence level and that will turn off most women to be sure - women like guys who are confident, funny, witty, able to take charge and smile! If you're going to crack under the pressure during this random walkup attempt, you will crash & burn.

Yeah I was planning on doing something similar, maybe asking her that if she were to roll a die and it landed on 6, I would give her $1000, and if she lost, she loses nothing, would she do it? If/when she says yes on that note, ask her out to lunch lol, corny but it might work, I just need to look like I don't care what her answer might be.

And I know that I'm going to be completely outgoing and carefree if it is to work, and I've been working on it. I know I'll probably crash and burn the first couple of times, but it doesn't matter how bad I am at it, I'll eventually succeed and get better at it the more I do it. Plus it'll significantly increase my level outgoingness if I'm able to talk to and ask out random girls.

[andrew]

I looked on craigslist a lot, and haven't really found anything worth-while yet.

Be aware there are soooo many fake ads, posting for spam.

There aren't many attractive, quality, fun, smart, and available girls on craigslist in my area, that are my age. It seems to be a bit more for the older crowd.

[jaamkie]

yea yea, there's lots of nonsense out there- online and off, but the point is you get through it and you find the ones you're meant to find when you're meant to find them- I guess I'm not such a huge adherant to IM as many people here, but in dating I've found it to work extremely well- I put out the energy and the guys just start appearing (and when I'm in a relationship or just wanting alone time and not putting out that energy, I don't tend to meet dateable guys- it's amazing how well it works).

[Rockchick26]

i've had HORRIBLE luck with Craigslist,i've tried to find just friends on there,i've tried to sell concert tickets on there,i've tried to find someone to go to a few concerts with,and i've also tried dating on there. 99% of the time i dont get any replies or they only write back once. I have made ONE "friend" off there but he's married and a decade older and we'll never meet in person. So,just in my experience,i'd say Craigslist is the worst place to look,there IS a lot of spam on there,fake ads,etc.

As for other online dating sites,not quite as bad but still bad LOL Maybe you shouldnt listen to anything i say cuz i'm bad luck

[uberinquisitive]

If you post for a relationship, you will get very few responses. And, if you post for sex, and you're a guy, you will get even fewer responses.

Craigslist is not a great place for dating. If you're a girl and you want sex, then it's frickin' awesome!