Partner selection - Confused

[PerDev]

Hi

Would need your suggestion on the selecting partner.

I am planning to marry and have certain attributes on my mind.

I am confused about one thing - Would she be better to have partner who is Professional career oriented or the one who is pious and good at householding? or BOTH

Also How much professional and higher education matters on selecting mate

As someone also said you can not expect woman's heart with the man's mind

Please suggest

[jaamkie]

ugh... it is always a bit unpleasant to think of being judged just for my career or "piousness" or cooking-skills; for marriage, but then that is liberal US culture to expect marriages to come from deep romantic love; and I could be convinced that more traditional marriages could work too. Still I think personality traits and life goals are more important than creating a formula to compare grades and who bakes a better cake.

If you are thinking you want a "professional" woman, what about that stereotype do you find attractive- is it the sense of independence and confidence? do you want a wife able to hold an intelligent conversation on certain matters? is it that you'd like a woman to be able to manage things while you are a more dreamy or spontaneous personality?

"pious"- what does that mean to you? is it a woman that is outwardly conventional? or is it a woman with a deep inner spirituality? would you want to live with someone who tends to be more serious/deep or quiet, or more fun-loving and shallow or loud?

Think about the expectations you have for a wife and how you would expect to interact with her, and then concentrate on the traits that would make a good match for those expectations.

Of course also you want to make sure that she is suited to your personality and lifestyle- a perfect-but-unhappy wife I think would be a greater hell than any other type of mismatch.

[PerDev]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

ugh... it is always a bit unpleasant to think of being judged just for my career or "piousness" or cooking-skills; for marriage, but then that is liberal US culture to expect marriages to come from deep romantic love; and I could be convinced that more traditional marriages could work too. Still I think personality traits and life goals are more important than creating a formula to compare grades and who bakes a better cake.

If you are thinking you want a "professional" woman, what about that stereotype do you find attractive- is it the sense of independence and confidence? do you want a wife able to hold an intelligent conversation on certain matters? is it that you'd like a woman to be able to manage things while you are a more dreamy or spontaneous personality?

"pious"- what does that mean to you? is it a woman that is outwardly conventional? or is it a woman with a deep inner spirituality? would you want to live with someone who tends to be more serious/deep or quiet, or more fun-loving and shallow or loud?

Think about the expectations you have for a wife and how you would expect to interact with her, and then concentrate on the traits that would make a good match for those expectations.

Of course also you want to make sure that she is suited to your personality and lifestyle- a perfect-but-unhappy wife I think would be a greater hell than any other type of mismatch.

Basically I would expect someone who would be positive, Intelligent, Good sense of Humor, Caring , Extrovert and attractive.

But not knowing how to attraction one with the similar attribute and who also match my personality and lfestyle, religious

Also not knowing that would it be correct to diffrenciate those attribute with professional and pious woman ?

[jaamkie]

well so then is your question really about criteria for a wife, or about where to start searching for one? because if you're wanting to search, not sure I can give much advice without more context- but.....
in general when I'm feeling lonely and wanting to invite someone new into my life, I try to make myself and my life more attractive- I clean out my apartment and get some nice new things (within reason), I put more effort into my looks, I try not to waste time at home (but do "waste time" out in locations where there are people to meet!), I try to declutter my personal routines and schedules so I have time to put into anything new that appears; and most of all I try to keep a positive attitude believing that God will send me whoever I'm meant to meet in the time and place I am meant to meet them.

[Brutha]

Is it difficult to help you, because of the cultural differences between the West and India.
Most people in this forum would see love as the primarly factor in for a relationship.

[PerDev]

What do you think is the basic underlying personality of woman

Is it Narturing or competitive?

[Brutha]

What do you think is the basic underlying personality of woman

I don't think that there is a meaningful basic underlying personality.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by PerDev

What do you think is the basic underlying personality of woman

Is it Nurturing or competitive?

You are looking for a one-size-fits-all generalization / formula. There is none.

That is part of what makes intimate relationships fascinating, dangerous, potentially rewarding, and risky.

Any given woman can be nurturing, competitive, or BOTH. Occasionally, even simultaneously. Or neither.

My wife was mostly competitive / type A / intense. She was in much better touch with her masculine side than most women. But, unlike most such people she was an introvert, not an extrovert. There is basically no limit to how personality traits can combine in any person, male or female. Some cultures limit genders to certain strict, limited roles but all that does is suppress what each person really is.

You speak of piety in one of your other messages. Let me warn you that people can be pious without being loving or kind. You are assuming that one flows from the other. I made the same mistake when I was young. It is a bad assumption. People can adhere to doctrines and dogmas and traditions in a mechanical fashion without having their spirit animated by any of the light that informs those beliefs.

--Bob

[Vasilisa]

Why won't you just wait until you really fall in love? Then you wouldn't have to ask questions about "attributes".

[Holistic Star]

The purpose of a relationship is to help you both grow together, to support each other and also to challenge each other. You will have different but complementing values and interests.

Perhaps you would be better of starting with what kind of husband you would be. What would be your strengths as a husband, what would be your weaknesses?

[PerDev]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

The purpose of a relationship is to help you both grow together, to support each other and also to challenge each other. You will have different but complementing values and interests.

Perhaps you would be better of starting with what kind of husband you would be. What would be your strengths as a husband, what would be your weaknesses?

Yes I believe that is true, Specially for the sacred relationship like marriage - Its much more then finding right person - Its to be right person

[Yellow]

Originally Posted by PerDev

What do you think is the basic underlying personality of woman

Is it Narturing or competitive?

In very evolutionary terms, females are the nurturers, the mothers and males are the competitors who compete among themselves to find a suitable mate.

However, this is not true in all cases and does not have to be. Go with the kind of woman you think you can live with. If you see your future wife as a person who wants to nurture the family, then find someone like that. If you think you'd like your wife to be independent, then go with someone who is like that. These qualities are not mutually exclusive, though.