Breaking old social relationships

[Token]

Hello,

From my point of view, the weakest area of my life today is social relationship. I feel that people with whom I communicate are some kind of pulling me back, hold me back from moving forward in my growth. I've found out that the way they live and a level of conciousness they have doesn't satisfy me anymore. The reason is, I suppose, that they remind me myself but 2 years back. I realize and feel the need to change the group of people I communicate to to more appropriate to my today level people.
The problem is that it seems like I don't have enough courage to reduce or totally break the relationships with those people. Probably, I'm afraid to loose old relationships (which though don't satisfy me) and not to find the new ones.

So I'd be glad if some of you would share the methods of solving this problem.

[Daniel Terhorst]

I think I have much the opposite problem. My father was in the military, and we never stayed in one place for more than a few years. As a consequence, I'm very selective in my friends, and I have a hard time getting close to anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I should regret that it is so easy for me to just... leave.

The only comment I can offer is that in my observation relationships require active upkeep. If you don't feed them enough, they will gradually wither away and neither party will begrudge it. This is an easy and natural process.

But as a word of warning, don't be like me. I find it easy to let go of a relationship because I get very little out of it. If you have a hard time letting go, I can only imagine it's because there's some significant benefit to you.

If you simply must let go, how can you do it in a way that benefits all parties?

-- Daniel Terhorst

[lja1228]

Token,
I'm totally with Daniel's advice on this one. You don't need to end those relationships...just let them go, or release them.

Relationships evolve over time, and sometimes they finally serve their purpose.

I just went through this myself recently. I turned into sort of a private ritual. I focused on one person at a time. First I imagined them sitting across from me as if we were having a wonderful conversation. I thanked them for all that they had contributed to my life. And then I told them I loved them and wished them well (as if I were leaving for a trip).

That was it. No hard feelings and only warm wishes. I simply won't be available if they call.

And suddenly you find yourself with more space in your life for new friendships. It's exciting and empowering!

All the best to you!

[Token]

Thanks for replies!
Well, I guess I found out that my mistake was that I unconciously continued to keep the links with those people. It's like a habit: to talk to, to phone, to meet them, which actually doesn't bring any use for me. So when it came on my mind, I decided to stop to communicate for a while. My plan was that a lack of communication would motivate me to find other people, relationships, links.
And it works. I feel like every second I'm looking for a new acquitance and I'm ready to start a dialog even with a stranger that brings some kind of confiden to me.

[Henry]

If you can manage, stop calling or responding to them. They'll get the picture.

I think Steve Pavlina did a piece on how he dropped all his old friends and got new ones when he decided to take steps to be awesome. Maybe not the "how" but he definitely wrote on the "why."