Middle aged needing opinions ..

[kkase]

This is yet another "physical attraction" thread but I didnt want to hi-jack anyone elses, and I NEED some opinions.

Even though I'm a middle aged man, I've really only had 2 long term relaionships. The first was nearly 20 yrs, and the last just ended after 4 yrs. For future reference she was beautiful, absolutely my idea of a "nearly" perfect woman with all the physical qualities that I admire most. I havent gotten completely over her "image" yet, but I'm making progress. It's easier than I thought it would be because with the beauty she possesd, she did NOT posses the emotional qualities to make the relationship last a life time. THATS what I want more than anything, a life long committed relationship with all the love and respect that should come with it. I've NEVER been shallow, or materialistic at all, I believe in love and committment no matter what. At least I "used" to, I"m starting to question myself now.

Here's the problem. I met another woman, who adores me. Everything about her is more than I've ever had in any of my long or short term relationships before, except for one thing. I'm not totally physically attracted to her. I AM attracted to her somewhat, but not nearly in the way I was with the other one. It's only been a short time since we met, but I'm worried. I dont want to wind up hurting her after a ways down the road "if" I find I just cant get past the attraction issue. Like I said, she amazes me in so many other areas, I guess I'm just scared for her AND for me. I dont want to be hurt again either.

Here's the question. Can I become more and more physically attracted to her? I've always been with women who I was attracted to either instantly or very quickly after meeting them, unlike this one.

Please help

[robc]

Anything is possible.

You've tried it the other way for quite a while, being with women who are very attractive but don't possess the mental & emotional skills that really complete a relationship and provide that fulfillment that you were looking for previously.

Now you have the latter, the skills that can really keep a relationship going but you aren't very attracted to her in a physical sense. Instead of getting into a deep relationship from the start, can you date her for a while, get to know her, enjoy who she is as a person, have regular meals, going out to do specific activities, just enjoy each other's company without title of a relationship to weigh it down. Just enjoy going out & doing things together.

Enjoy it for what it is, a friendship that may have a possible future but leave it as a friendship right now. If it becomes something serious, let it but don't go into this expecting that result. Don't sabotage what you have right now for what you might have a little further down the road.

Just enjoy dating. Novel idea, might save you & this person a bit of heartbreak down the road.

[kkase]

That makes perfect sense. That must be why I told her .. (get ready for this because these days it's really "ODD", especially coming from me) ... that I dont want to have sex for a while. Dont get me wrong, I could very easily, but I'm not quite emotionally complete due to the last breakup and "if" this could be the one I dont want to mess it up .... basically what you said uh?

When I've searched for finding what may or may not be wrong with her OR me, I've asked myself if I could see me spending the rest of my life with her, and the answer was NOT no, or even maybe, it was yes, but I dont want to think about it or talk about it, at least not yet,.... again, just what you said. Maybe I just have a "relationship addiction" right now or something. I only see her once or twice a week, not anyone else and enjoy spending time alone, but this is definately not what I want for my life.

Since I posted the question I've been thinking about "me". I've come to the conclusion that I'm either really secure in "what I want" or I'm one of the most shallow person that I've ever met.

I'm going to print out your post and memorize it. Thank you robc.

Anymore suggestions? ......

[Jennihul]

Nope. She isn't right. Break up now.

You are acting like there are maybe five women in your age range left for you to pick from. A lack mentality if I ever saw one.

You deserve the perfect woman for you. Someone who is attractive to you and has a great complimentary personality. She deserves someone for whom she is the whole package.

You will always let your eye wander because your woman isn't good looking enough for you. Bad for your soul. Awful for her. That's just cruel. Makes me shudder as a woman.

Jennifer

[votoshka]

Personally, I think you should give it a chance. As someone else said, you don't need to commit to a relationship now, just take it slowly, see each other, get to know each other better. Before long you will know if she is the one you want to spend your life with!

[Perfect Sunday]

Originally Posted by kkase

THATS what I want more than anything, a life long committed relationship with all the love and respect that should come with it.

IMHO, "should come with it" is key here.

Who wrote the specifications on that?

Maybe that's what has you in this way... you feel that it "should come with it."

Originally Posted by Jennihul

You are acting like there are maybe five women in your age range left for you to pick from. A lack mentality if I ever saw one.

I think this has stated it best... all around.

d00d, there are hundreds, of thousands of women that you can go out and initiate a new relationship with them.

There's nothing wrong with trying out new things.

Go out with this new woman... if it works out, fine!
If it doesn't, fine too!