Importance of Physical Attraction when choosing mate

[PerDev]

If you find a potential mate with all execpted attributes except physical / beauty aspect of your criteria.

Would it be wise to ignore the physical aspect?

[Angela]

As I mentioned in the other thread on this subject, no, it's not wise to ignore a lack of physical attraction.

It's not fair to your mate (or to yourself, for that matter) to sentence him to not feeling desired. Let him go with love, so you are both free to generate a juicy relationship with the right, sexually compatible person.

Unless neither of you is at all interested in sex.

[Alison Jenkins]

You say a potential mate. Does that mean that you don't really know them? Sometimes you grow to find someone attractive as you get to know them. They might be someone you wouldn't pick out in a crowd but when you get to know them as a person you find them attractive.

If the only thing you like about someone is their physical appearance then you will never build a good relationship.

Alison

[PerDev]

Originally Posted by Alison Jenkins

You say a potential mate. Does that mean that you don't really know them? Sometimes you grow to find someone attractive as you get to know them. They might be someone you wouldn't pick out in a crowd but when you get to know them as a person you find them attractive.

If the only thing you like about someone is their physical appearance then you will never build a good relationship.

Alison

I am talking about the importance of Physical compatability including charecter, Intelligence & values

[Alison Jenkins]

If you don't find all those qualities attractive why would you want to be with someone?

Alison

[PerDev]

OK, Got the Answer,
If your criteria includes five points and one of them is physical attraction then avoid the girl to whom you are not attracting.

[robc]

I would say that physical attraction is very important.

The visual indicator is the first one that provides you with clues about a potential mate. It isn't the only factor and not the most important one (maybe it is for some people) but it's definitely your earliest indicator of compatibility. The next indicator would be auditory, talking to that person that you are visually attracted to and determining if they possess other qualities you that you find personally engaging.

Speaking from the male point of view, physical attraction is very important, it's what drives us to determining more about a specific woman that we're interested in. But it's definitely not everything. A woman can be incredibly attractive but if she isn't intelligent, witty, funny, able to maintain a conversation, has no common interests with you plus a host of other factors, the physical portion of the attraction wears off quite quickly.

I'm sure this is quite the same for women, but maybe instead of assuming we should ask the question to the women participating in this discussion.

Ladies, please respond if you have some time. Is physical attraction to a man the first indicator that attracts you to him or is it other visual cues that drive your attraction: a person who is visibly confident, the sound of their voice, how successful a man is (no I'm not being shallow, just honest, maybe if a man appears to be a good provider, it's very attractive to a woman), physical prowess (athleticism), etc.

I'd love to hear more about this if any of you will provide some feedback.

[IFeelGood]

I do not want to generalize and say all women think a particular way so I will speak for myself. I admit that initially, I am drawn to good looks in a man but this is only very early on. I have a certain "type" that I am particularly attracted to. When I meet a man of this type, that opens a door but it is the next step that is far more critical to me.

Usually, within a very short conversation (a few sentences), I will know whether or not I am truly attracted to a man for more than just a friendship. I am very intuitive, I just have a sense about people and in a quick scan, I know. Believe me, I have tried to get past this and say well maybe you will grow to like him more but this rarely happens. In fact, it happened only once where I developed a crush on someone I was not crazy about at first and that was just a short lived crush.

I am so attuned to this that I do not date. I feel like, why waste my and someone else's time if I don't have a spark from the beginning. I consider myself very successful just following my gut and am so grateful to have fallen completely 100% in love twice in my life. In both cases, I knew instantly. Lucky for me, we both knew and maybe that's part of it too. "Knowing" who I am not only attracted to physically but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually with the reciprocal connection on his side.

I see differences among my single friends. Many of them tend to date a variety of men mostly for short periods of time. I think that each of them is looking for something different in a man(and it may be conscious or unconscious). Sometimes it is a good lover and friend, good provider, good looks, confidence, sense of humor, respectful of women, non-cheater, family man, showpiece, dominant personality, submissive personality, father figure or rebel, etc... often a combination of any two or more. Ultimately, it is about the emotional connection, healthy or not. I hope you hear from other women also since the way I am is probably not the norm.

[PerDev]

I believe Physical attraction would include compatible hight, figure, hair, eyes, facial expression - The way you conceive as beauty

[JimOfferman]

Originally Posted by PerDev

If you find a potential mate with all execpted attributes except physical / beauty aspect of your criteria.

Would it be wise to ignore the physical aspect?

I've been pondering about this for a few days now... thing is, I wouldn't deem someone a potential mate if their physical aspects do not appeal to me. I just don't fall for someone who I am not physically attracted to (even though, some times I wish I would).

I guess that means my answer is: no!

[jaamkie]

fwiw I think initially what makes me wonder about one man and ignore another when I'm just looking from a distance is that I'm attracted to men who seem particularly alert, curious, thoughtful-looking, open- not necessarily gregarious, but even if they're shy it's an alert curious shy. Yes this could be shallow, everyone has their glazed exhausted-looking moments, their defensive-looking grumpy moments... maybe it's just that guys in that sort of mood are actually potential people to interact with- they'll return my glance, smile, start a conversation or be open to me starting one... and usually if they're curious they're willing to let me babble about whatever I'm thinking of at the moment and ask interested questions, willing to tell me an interesting story or a random fact, willing to share a bit of themselves with me, willing to see what happens...

and once I've had that inital moment of interest/attraction and then gotten to know the guy a bit, the attraction is usually mostly based on what is said and how we interact rather than what he looks like.

[Spartan]

I can only speak for myself, so I won't pretend to represent men as a whole, that would be silly.

For me, physical attraction is definately important. If I'm not physically attracted to a girl, chances are I won't even bother thinking about her, unless I'm talking to her of course. But even then, I won't think about her in a sexual way. I only think about people in a sexual way if I'm physically attracted to them. Thus being physically attracted to a 'mate' is very important, since sex is what differentiates a 'mate' from a friend!

However, for me to think about her in more than just a sexual way, i.e. someone I would want to share all aspects of my life with, she would have to have a personality that suits mine. If our personalities are too different, then neither of us would be happy in a relationship. A relationship needs to be based on more than just sex.

However, what constitutes physical attraction? For me, physical attraction could be based on a number of things. I could be physically attracted to someone because of their face, smile, eyes, hair, body, expression, voice, smell, movement or even perceived imperfections. Thus she doesn't have to meet all my preferred criteria for me to be physically attracted. And my preferred criteria have multiple values.

[SonoranBob]

Personally a woman with her mind into her game, sexually speaking, is much more of a turn-on than anything else. I would ask the men here, which you would prefer:

1. A madison-avenue gorgeous physically perfect woman who lays there like a dead fish during sex, possibly whistling a tune

2. An average looking woman who can't get enough of you in bed

I thought so ;-)

Look, even I have limits of physical characteristics I can't get past. I don't want a woman with a mustache or body odor or who weighs 350 pounds. But a woman who is sexually responsive and enthusiastic doesn't at all need to pass the "dropped my jaw the first time I saw her" test.

--Bob

[votoshka]

I will admit that I first notice men based purely on their looks. But I have also developed feelings for men who I did NOT consider gorgeous on first seeing them, simply because I got to know them and they grew on me!

If this didn't happen, then heaven help all the physically ugly men and women in this world!

I am just average, and honestly, if men only noticed women for their beauty, I guess I'd now be a 35 year old virgin Fortunately, there are men (as well as women) who do take the time to get to know the inner person, and from there, I guess their beauty builds, even if it isn't apparent from the beginning.

Anyway, look around you, and you'll see plenty of happily married people who are fat, ugly, even deformed etc. and who are loved for the inner person they are, and not for only the outside appearance they possess.

[IFeelGood]

Well said Votoshka. I think it really comes down to a combination of things and I think that looks is only one of many ways to draw people in for an initial conversation. There are also other ways such as being friendly, having a great personality, sense of humor, walking a cute puppy , being in the right place/time. Once the initial meeting has occurred, chemistry and other things take over and sometimes we are all befuzzled by how real connections happen. For me, its usually when I least expect it.

When I think about some of my family/friends choices in bf/gf/spouse/partner, etc... I might not understand how they are together but it is very inspirational to me when I am around people who are happily paired or happily dating, or just plain happy living life to their fullest.

[ivorytickler]

Given we all grow old and saggy in time, sure. It's not like we're going to look like we're 20 forever. Basing your relationship on the physical pretty much dooms it to failure.

I think physical attraction is more of a way to get introduced and get to know each other. If you get to know someone without it who is your soul mate, forget the physical.

As a coworker of mine once said "All women look the same when you turn out the lights".

[PerDev]

The following excerpt is from Amanmere - The Natural Blueprint for Sexual Relationships:

Body Style, Dictated by Archetype Nature

For some, sexual appeal is the proper shape and tone of the body. It is clear, smooth skin and a beautiful face. This is the general picture. But there is so much more. Knowing a person’s archetype nature allows one to focus in much more specifically on what is sexually attractive to them. Each archetype will be attracted by certain aspects of the body moreso than others. Some archetypes are focused in the head and neck region. A man from this archetype will find the lines of a beautiful neckline more appealing than other men. The cleavage of her breasts may arouse him more than breast size or shape. The way her earring accentuates her shoulder will catch his eye. The corresponding female of this archetype will like very much if the man has well defined deltoid muscles and broad shoulders. His head posture and hair will be important aspects of his look as far as she is concerned. A different archetype will be sexually centered in the thigh, genital area. For this male, a small waist, round buttocks and well developed thighs will be the part of the anatomy that arrests his attention the most. Another archetype will be centered in the upper abdomen, chest area. This female will find men attractive, who have well defined pectoral and chest shape. She will like his arms if they are muscular and sleek. Tight, washboard like abdominal muscles will cause her blood pressure to rise. Another archetype will be centered in the leg, feet area. Such a male will find most appealing a woman who has well defined calf muscles, sleek legs and thighs and well groomed feet and ankles. Petite ankles, designer stockings, groomed and decorated toenails, and toe cleavage will be a turn on for him.

Some of you readers may laugh at this, but if you question your peers of the opposite sex you may discover that what we have stated above is very valuable information, not to be taken lightly. As a man or woman gains an understanding of the nature of the opposite sex and the natural inclinations of the various archetypes, he or she can begin to maximize their appeal by emphasizing their physical aspects which have the greatest appeal. This technique only works if you are focusing your romantic attention on one particular person, or one specific archetype group. After a few months of casually studying the opposite sex, any woman can determine which of the seven archetypes she is most attracted to and most complimentary with. Ask some of the men from this archetype group which area of the body draws their attention the most. When the responses received are somewhat consistent, she will know which area of her body to design her presentation around. If she finds that the group of men she is trying to attract are leg/feet men, then it does not make sense for her to spend large amounts of money at the hair salon while neglecting her feet and legs. She may think her long pretty hair is her best asset, but the men who complimentary to her will disagree. While she is standing there preening her hair, the woman next to her with the miniskirt and designer shoes is getting all of their attention. To perfect the appeal of her aura, she would then cut back on her visits to the salon, and focus more attention below the waist. Invest the money in shoes, regular pedicures, designer stockings, ankle chains, and etc. This woman should spend more time in the gym working on her legs and thighs. She will defeat the force of her sexual aura if she always wears pants, and sneakers out in public. The same dynamic holds true for the males of each respective archetype.

While it may seem that this is an issue of the appeal of the outer body, it is not. Let us make something clear. It is not really the neckline, or cleavage, or ankles, or buttocks that we are talking about. It is the charka and layer of the auric field associated to that area of the body that we are subtly drawing attention to. It is not only the visual portion of the physical body that attracts more so, it is the vibrations radiated from the healthy auric field that has the true magnetic effect. The outer body in this case is a symbol. Again one must not think about this issue in a logical, left brain fashion. Use your right brain now. Understand what we are saying instinctively. And when the reader can begin to instinctively consider this subject, they can take sexual attraction to a higher level. Such a person can tap into the inner feelings of their partner. This woman that likes your shoulders and neckline and hair, will have an inner attribute that reflects the outer abstract attraction. In other words she will be attracted to the man that personifies the artistic ideal, reflective of regal bearing. The hair is the physical equivalent of the psychic crown. She wants you to be her king, bearing yourself in proud and dignified manner. Broad shoulders signify a man who can take the weight of great responsibility. A fine neckline is indicative of refinement and sexual purity. In writing words, that must be comprehended by the left brain first, this presentation loses something. But I am counting on the fact that the reader can read between the lines. The man who is attracted to a small waist, round buttocks, and full thighs, is attracted inwardly to a woman who is very fertile and effulgent. He wants her to own land and represent as his mate, the richness of the fruits of the garden. The dynamics of this man’s inner attraction are the dynamics of the womb. The womb is the garden, from which can sprang the marvelous fruits of humanity. And from it also springs the great pleasure of sexual bonding. The womb area is a circle, when the waist is small and buttocks and thighs rounded. And this circle is symbolic of the fertile egg, the orb of primal matter, that attracts the inner man. For it is an aspect of his id femme. And in the same way the breast represent to another man the nurturing character of mother’s milk. To a third man the feet and legs represent a woman well grounded to the earth, able to receive his masculinity. The females who naturally exert the most erotic attraction for men are practicing this principle, even if most of them do not realize it consciously.

[Tigerlilly]

Originally Posted by robc

Ladies, please respond if you have some time. Is physical attraction to a man the first indicator that attracts you to him or is it other visual cues that drive your attraction: a person who is visibly confident, the sound of their voice, how successful a man is (no I'm not being shallow, just honest, maybe if a man appears to be a good provider, it's very attractive to a woman), physical prowess (athleticism), etc.

I'd love to hear more about this if any of you will provide some feedback.

Basically I do need to be physically attracted to a guy, I can't imagine being together with a guy whom I can't stomach. But I'm not per se attracted to the kind of looks that might land a guy a model job or get him on the sexiest men alive list either.

Here's some things I thought instantly attractive in some Mr. Wonderfuls I've met:

Mr. Wonderful A: the most beautiful, softest, biggest bambi eyes imaginable and a voice like honey and pepper, and being a quiet sort of fellow.

Mr.Wonderful B: a nice open smile in a boyish freckled face and being really intelligent and having this enthusiastic air about him.

Mr. Wonderful C: big brown eyes and shoulder long hair, wearing a turtle neck knit pullover, being so friendly and humorous and having such a warm voice.

If I think about it, maybe it's just like the energy in a person, who he or she really consists of, shines through, and the more it's allowed to shine through and is in tune with yours, the more your opposite will appear attractive to you, and your mind & body just fill in the blanks. And I guess what I always find terribly attractive as energy coming through is kindness and warmth.

If on the other hand I get the impression that a guy is a jerk, no poster boy looks and self-assured posture and outer acchievments can remedy that.