Is mutual physical attraction important in relationships?

[Spartan]

This applies to both men and women.

Would you consider getting in a relationship with someone you weren’t physically attracted to, or were only partially physically attracted to? Or does a successful relationship depend on mutual physical attraction?

For example, if you are in good physical shape, and are attracted to others in good physical shape, would you get in a relationship with someone overweight and sedentary?

Also, if you are attracted to people of your own race, would you consider it racist to reject relationships with people of a different race?

[Joukai]

Originally Posted by Spartan

This applies to both men and women.

Would you consider getting in a relationship with someone you weren’t physically attracted to, or were only partially physically attracted to? Or does a successful relationship depend on mutual physical attraction?

For example, if you are in good physical shape, and are attracted to others in good physical shape, would you get in a relationship with someone overweight and sedentary?

There has to be physically attraction. Though, it's hard to pin down what is physical attraction... A man/woman that allows his personality to shine, although not good-looking can immediatly become more attractive.

Originally Posted by Spartan

Also, if you are attracted to people of your own race, would you consider it racist to reject relationships with people of a different race?

I'm more attracted to white woman than I am to black ones. Is that racism? No. A matter of taste. Some guys want blondes, other redheads. Who cares? And I wouldn't mind a relationship with a black woman if I liked her.

[jaamkie]

I think for a relationship you do need to be physically attracted- on the other hand for me physical attraction very much comes from good conversation/personality, and a really "hot" man who's not very intelligent or nice does nothing for me... I don't know how to explain it but some people you can feel attracted at first sight because they somehow just look kind/thoughtful/interesting- if I haven't felt that and have dated a guy anyway, it's never worked out well.

I think there is unconscious racism in who you find attractive, but I think the time to overcome it isn't by dating some particular person you don't find attractive, but rather we all ought to try to broaden our minds to appreciate beauty across a much wider demographic than young, thin, and white that is often portrayed in the media. If you can see beauty and goodness and that sense of familarity- that we are all humans together- in people of all different physical appearances and cultures then I think it's easier to find yourself attracted to a particular person of another race- I think it's also a matter of familiarity, just being around and equal in social situations to a variety of people- sometimes people grow up in a homogenous community and then just feel vaguely uncomfortable when first out of it even if they explicitly don't want to be racist... this is all said as a white girl who dated a Nigerian guy for several years, but in general have dated people of all physical types (but mentally/personality-wise I think they've all had some traits in common).

[songwriter]

Well, it doesn't need to be sexual attraction, but the more the better. I can't sum it better.

There's lot of studies confirming that a couple is more possible to be successful over the years if they like other bodies (besides all the rest).

[Spartan]

Regarding the race question. I'm being honest, but I personally don't think I would be as happy in a relationship with someone who is not the same race as me, since I am more attracted on a physical level to women of the same race. In fact, some features of other races I find unattractive. Does that make me a racist?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Regarding the race question. I'm being honest, but I personally don't think I would be as happy in a relationship with someone who is not the same race as me, since I am more attracted on a physical level to women of the same race. In fact, some features of other races I find unattractive. Does that make me a racist?

Do you believe that one race is superior to another?

[PianoManGidley]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

I think for a relationship you do need to be physically attracted- on the other hand for me physical attraction very much comes from good conversation/personality, and a really "hot" man who's not very intelligent or nice does nothing for me... I don't know how to explain it but some people you can feel attracted at first sight because they somehow just look kind/thoughtful/interesting- if I haven't felt that and have dated a guy anyway, it's never worked out well.

I'm the same way--I'm a very storgic lover. I usually fall for someone's personality first, and even if I wasn't initially attracted to him physically, I eventually become physically attracted to him because of my love for him and his personality.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by cylon

Do you believe that one race is superior to another?

No. I'm just attracted to my own race more for some reason.

In fact, I'm most attracted to people with similar traits to me in general, not just race. Perhaps it's me I'm attracted to?

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Spartan

No. I'm just attracted to my own race more for some reason.

That's fairly common man. I hope you see how this is entirely different from being a racist.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

broaden our minds to appreciate beauty across a much wider demographic than young, thin, and white that is often portrayed in the media.

I don't believe 'thin' is what most people consider beautiful, since someone can be thin but have no muscles, i.e. 'skinny fat', then there's just plain bony, which is perhaps more unhealthy than being overweight. I think a healthy body that is physically fit, is what should be portrayed as beautiful and desirable in the media. Being overweight/underweight is unhealthy, I think the media would be justified in advocating a healthy body as a desirable goal.

That's why I'm more attracted to women who are in reasonably good physical shape, since they are more likely to be healthy. I think this is a justified discrimination.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I don't believe 'thin' is what most people consider beautiful, since someone can be thin but have no muscles, i.e. 'skinny fat', then there's just plain bony, which is perhaps more unhealthy than being overweight....

This ideal of the waif is a competitive thing women do to each other. There is absolutely nothing attractive about a girl who looks like a gentle breeze could split her bones into two.

Attractive (to a man) is what is attractive on a primal level. Nothing to do with the media. Myself and every man I have spoken with about this are horrified at the extremes women will go to with their bodies to fit into some backwards image of "thin". It's repulsive. Women who are skinny as hell complaining they look fat. You just want to shake some sense into them.

A man is attracted to a woman physically, or not. There's no broadening of "I guess I'm attracted to women who don't take care of themsleves now, that's the PC thing to do."

[SmartAlx]

Originally Posted by Spartan

I think a healthy body that is physically fit, is what should be portrayed as beautiful and desirable in the media. Being overweight/underweight is unhealthy, I think the media would be justified in advocating a healthy body as a desirable goal.

Got news for you... they do that already. The most healthy people ARE considered the most beautiful to the media. You're buying into the popular but false belief that "skinny = beautiful" comes from the media. But it doesn't. Just look at the celebrities who are considered to be sexy today.

[jaamkie]

Originally Posted by SmartAlx

Got news for you... they do that already. The most healthy people ARE considered the most beautiful to the media. You're buying into the popular but false belief that "skinny = beautiful" comes from the media. But it doesn't. Just look at the celebrities who are considered to be sexy today.

I'm curious which celebrities you consider sexy- it seems to me that the ones considered sexy are thin (most not bony-thin; but low body fat, and with a smaller frame), often with breast enhancements to be both low-body-fat and have large breasts; and I think it is unrealistic to imagine that every woman could look that way if they would just diet a bit...

[jaamkie]

Originally Posted by cylon

A man is attracted to a woman physically, or not. There's no broadening of "I guess I'm attracted to women who don't take care of themsleves now, that's the PC thing to do."

I don't think it's about being PC at all- it is about being less f-ing shallow, and about the fact that appearances inevitably change with time.

Actually I don't know why I'm so bitter about this- I think when men start debating they are thinking of women who are seriously obese, while women assume they're discriminating against someone carrying a few extra pounds. Like personally I consider myself a bit overweight (compared to celebrities; not if you compare me to average people walking down the street) yet men certainly are very attracted physically.

I find myself upset if a man is complimenting my physical appearance excessively (and excessive to me is anything more than an occasional "you look nice" and a smile, nothing said- positive or negative- is actually when I'm happiest). I want to attract men who understand and appreciate the things about me that I feel are important- my thoughts, personality, dreams and goals... I tend to break up with men because I feel like they are just caught up in my looks or generically in "having a girlfriend" and don't "get" me, or they do sort-of but they have nothing to add to the conversation (but now have found one who does ).

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

I don't think it's about being PC at all- it is about being less f-ing shallow, and about the fact that appearances inevitably change with time.

Actually I don't know why I'm so bitter about this- I think when men start debating they are thinking of women who are seriously obese, while women assume they're discriminating against someone carrying a few extra pounds. Like personally I consider myself a bit overweight (compared to celebrities; not if you compare me to average people walking down the street) yet men certainly are very attracted physically.

I find myself upset if a man is complimenting my physical appearance excessively (and excessive to me is anything more than an occasional "you look nice" and a smile, nothing said- positive or negative- is actually when I'm happiest). I want to attract men who understand and appreciate the things about me that I feel are important- my thoughts, personality, dreams and goals... I tend to break up with men because I feel like they are just caught up in my looks or generically in "having a girlfriend" and don't "get" me, or they do sort-of but they have nothing to add to the conversation (but now have found one who does ).

Why would someone be bitter about men being attracted to physically fit women, that take pride in their health?

Sure, a few pounds overweight is not enough to make someone unhealthy. And if you can run a few miles without having cardiac arrest, I'm sure you are fitter than the average American, if not person!

Aren't you attracted to someone that takes pride in their health? If not, I guess it's because you don't value health that highly. Would you be happy with some coach potato who can barely last 5 minutes in the bedroom without having an asthma attack!?

Also, why would you be upset if someone complimented you on your appearance that you worked hard to achieve? Perhaps you haven't worked hard, and thus feel the praise is unjustified?

[jaamkie]

Originally Posted by Spartan

Why would someone be bitter about men being attracted to physically fit women, that take pride in their health?

Sure, a few pounds overweight is not enough to make someone unhealthy. And if you can run a few miles without having cardiac arrest, I'm sure you are fitter than the average American, if not person!

Aren't you attracted to someone that takes pride in their health? If not, I guess it's because you don't value health that highly. Would you be happy with some coach potato who can barely last 5 minutes in the bedroom without having an asthma attack!?

Also, why would you be upset if someone complimented you on your appearance that you worked hard to achieve? Perhaps you haven't worked hard, and thus feel the praise is unjustified?

Well I guess I don't "take pride in my health"- yes I do run a few miles a few times a week, play soccer a few times a week, generally walk a lot and use public transit- nothing major, but I'm certainly not sedentary; but I do it because I enjoy the endorphins and better sleep, because I enjoy a bit of friendly competition, because I'm a sucky driver and scare myself... and similarly I'm vegan for animal rights (a bit junk-food chocoholic vegan), so I don't eat McDonalds and such at least... but basically I look like I do as the byproduct of living my life the way that I think is right and makes me happy; emphatically NOT because I am trying to attract men through having a particular body-type- so if someone compliments my body excessively, I feel like they're misunderstanding me and my values, or I feel pressure to start to value the way I look- to put effort into it, which I've found through experience does not make me happy.

Oh- and to answer the second half of the question- yes I would be happy to date someone who didn't give a damn about their appearance- in fact I guess I am dating such a guy- though he also exercises for the mental boost and is vegan, so he isn't obese either... though I've been with overweight/obese guys before (one, rather messed up relationship, the guy was obese, yet scolded me to keep down my weight- even though I was probably at my thinnest while dating him and nowhere near overweight!)

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

Well I guess I don't "take pride in my health"- yes I do run a few miles a few times a week, play soccer a few times a week, generally walk a lot and use public transit- nothing major, but I'm certainly not sedentary; but I do it because I enjoy the endorphins and better sleep, because I enjoy a bit of friendly competition, because I'm a sucky driver and scare myself... and similarly I'm vegan for animal rights (a bit junk-food chocoholic vegan), so I don't eat McDonalds and such at least... but basically I look like I do as the byproduct of living my life the way that I think is right and makes me happy; emphatically NOT because I am trying to attract men through having a particular body-type- so if someone compliments my body excessively, I feel like they're misunderstanding me and my values, or I feel pressure to start to value the way I look- to put effort into it, which I've found through experience does not make me happy.

You're a vegan? You're right, you don't take pride in your health lol.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

Oh- and to answer the second half of the question- yes I would be happy to date someone who didn't give a damn about their appearance- in fact I guess I am dating such a guy- though he also exercises for the mental boost and is vegan, so he isn't obese either... though I've been with overweight/obese guys before (one, rather messed up relationship, the guy was obese, yet scolded me to keep down my weight- even though I was probably at my thinnest while dating him and nowhere near overweight!)

Fair enough, I guess asthma attacks turn you on lol. Joke!

edit: I never mentioned appearance, I mentioned health! It just so happens that good health leads to good appearance.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by jaamkie

I find myself upset if a man is complimenting my physical appearance excessively (and excessive to me is anything more than an occasional "you look nice" and a smile, nothing said- positive or negative- is actually when I'm happiest). I want to attract men who understand and appreciate the things about me that I feel are important- my thoughts, personality, dreams and goals... I tend to break up with men because I feel like they are just caught up in my looks or generically in "having a girlfriend" and don't "get" me, or they do sort-of but they have nothing to add to the conversation (but now have found one who does ).

It's all a part of that package. You want a guy that appreciates those things, but is still turned on by you. Guys want the same thing, a girl that turns him on and has great personal qualities as well. Done deal.

Being physically attracted to a woman doesn't make a man shallow. It's supposed to be that way.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by cylon

Being physically attracted to a woman doesn't make a man shallow. It's supposed to be that way.

In fact, if a man settles for a woman he isn't physically attracted to, I'd bet a large sum of money that he has self-esteem issues. Same goes for women.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by Spartan

In fact, if a man settles for a woman he isn't physically attracted to, I'd bet a large sum of money that he has self-esteem issues. Same goes for women.

If he has an abundant mindset he wouldn't get involved with an unattractive woman in the first place.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Spartan

In fact, if a man settles for a woman he isn't physically attracted to, I'd bet a large sum of money that he has self-esteem issues. Same goes for women.

Mmm, I don't know. I had a LLTMBR with a guy -- we went so far as to get engaged -- though I never felt terribly attracted to him. It wasn't because of self-esteem issues but because I liked him sooo much and felt we would be really good partners in life. My friends and family coached me that I would learn to be more attracted to him (they adored him, too), but ultimately I realized you can't marry someone (I should say, I can't marry someone) if there's no yummy delicious spark. Even if in every other aspect he's perfect for me.

[munish]

Never marry a woman ,who is not beautiful.
You will not be happy.As you will play around.

Naver marry a woman ,who is beautiful.
You will not be happy.As she will play around.

Moral -Never consider beauty in a marriage .

[votoshka]

Couple of things here... One, I think that people can grow on you. There have been guys who I wasn't attracted to on first meeting, who really grew on me as I got to know their personality, and suddenly I started finding them very attractive! I guess I am not alone in that.

I fell in love with my last boyfriend online. I'd seen about 1 picture of him when I fell in love, and although I thought he was terribly cute in it, I was more in love with what I found out about him than about the way he looked (and I guess he was the same with me).

When it comes to body image, I have been VERY messed up by the media. I was reading fashion magazines from a young age, and always felt too fat. When I was 45kg (about 100lb for you Americans) I thought I was too fat (I'm only very short, so that's not excessively thin). It was at the lower end of the healthy weight range for me... of course, I dieted way too much and as I hit my 20s, had kids etc. my weight ballooned (due to my stuffed metabolism) and now I really do have a problem with my weight! I honestly wish I could have seen myself for what I was at the time, because I wasn't too fat at all!

However, I genuinely believed that if I got with a guy, and he felt my belly and, well, it was a bit chubby he would recoil in horror! How silly! Unfortunately, it's really, really hard to get rid of those ideas and ideals.

I think I am gradually coming around to accept myself as I reach my mid-30s! Of course, I do still need to lose weight, but not for looks alone, for simple reasons of health and the ability to move around with ease and feel comfortable (I'm not excessively overweight, but definitely do need to lose some). But it's taken me a LONG time to develop self acceptance.

But back to the original post at hand... I think attraction CAN develop between people (but not always), especially if there is something in the personality, nature of that person that's appealing to the other.

[blazer1]

Originally Posted by Spartan

This applies to both men and women.

Would you consider getting in a relationship with someone you weren’t physically attracted to, or were only partially physically attracted to? Or does a successful relationship depend on mutual physical attraction?

For example, if you are in good physical shape, and are attracted to others in good physical shape, would you get in a relationship with someone overweight and sedentary?

Also, if you are attracted to people of your own race, would you consider it racist to reject relationships with people of a different race?

Mate let me fill you in on a little secret based around evolution.

If you are a female then you are attracted to males who pose as an ideal mate. What makes an ideal mate?
1) someone with strong physical attributes - coming from animal insincts.
2) someone with knowledge - coming from requirements of the developed mind
3) someone with money - coming from the requirements of the modern world.


If you are a male, then to be honest it comes down to only 1 thing, physical appearance. I cannot explain why, but that's what we males search for in an ideal mate. A girl with physical beauty. Perhaps beauty makes a male achieve great things, pro-evolution? But also, slowly we are starting to realise the mind is also another attractive facet of the female kind, but this is not so prominent in our decision towards what is attractive, and what isnt.

hope this helps you buddy.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

They erase large slices of the thighs of super models, for goodness sake. I mean, I think models are pretty thin in real life, so the fact that they get pieces of arm and leg removed from photographs has got to say something.

Man, thats's pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ up. What a waste of time!

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

Advertising appeals to human psychology - media inculcation is so seamless that people don't even realize the effect it has on their self-image.

I think you underestimate consumer intelligence, no? I don't pay attention to most ads, in fact I laugh at nearly most!

For example, in an add for spot cream, a guy in a disco notices he has a few spots, then runs to the bathroom to put it on and the spots instantly disappear. Then his mate says "just don't steal all the girls!" And all the girs on the dance floor start feeling his face, lol!

Most ads aren't meant to be taken seriously.

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

However, if the people in the ads looked realistically thin, or looked more like you, there'd be a higher chance customers would feel satisfied in their purchase, or not even feel the impulse to buy it in the first place.

In most of ads I see, the people do look realistic and average. I suppose it depends on the product. I don't read fashion magazines though, so I can't comment on those ads. However, I rarely think models look attractive.

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

advertisers have to create bodies and photo shop flawless, blemish-free faces that don't even exist in reality in order to keep the engine running. And this is having a negative effect on young girls - it's scary.

Exactly, advertisers create freaks of nature, but that doesn't mean you should aspire to be one!

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

"Normal healthy" is not what's portrayed in the media.

It is to some degree, at least in my experience.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

Is it normal for girls as young as 6 years old to think they are fat? Because unfortunately, this is something that is becoming quite common. Girls are very intelligent and sensitive, and they pick up on societal cues early on.

Girls this age should not be worrying about attractiveness! That's why I disagree with beauty pageants.

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

It's about self-perception - not reality.

And who's responsible for that? This website is about taking responsibility for your own beliefs.

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

What is the cause of these negative self-images? How is modern culture contributing to these feelings?

It's up to the individual to decide their own feelings.

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

Women hear it all the time - looks matter, looks matter, looks matter.

So do men to some extent, just think of all the ads involving male models. They all have perfectly defined muscles, perfect skin and chiseled faces!

I have overheard many conversations that invovle women talking about some male ideal of beauty, so don't tell me only women have this pressure.

[Spartan]

Originally Posted by Apple Eye

It's not about what men actually find attractive. Girls often think it's about wearing makeup or a certain type of clothing, being a certain size etc. even though it's not. But growing up when you're insecure and haven't learned to love yourself for who you are, you truly don't understand this yet.

I can understand this, as I remember what I felt like as a male teenager. I suffered many days of self-hatred because I thought I was different/not good enough. I had zero self-esteem. I even remember specific insults that I took to heart.

I guess it's all part of growing up.

[Spartan]

That's weird, why have Apple Eye's posts been deleted? Now the conversation doesn't make sense lol.

[Green]

Originally Posted by PianoManGidley

I'm the same way--I'm a very storgic lover. I usually fall for someone's personality first, and even if I wasn't initially attracted to him physically, I eventually become physically attracted to him because of my love for him and his personality.

i am the same way as both of you, the few times i loved i loved guys for their personalities and i didnt care for physical appearance or physical attraction i believed as i love someone i will always see him good looking, and i will be attracted to him, when love goes you can only see that person awful or when he treats you bad or unkind.
on the other side i had a friend who was looking perfect and although he loved me for sometime i didnt find him attaractive at any stage of our friendship, i wasnt able to see him more than a friend.