.define what "a real man" is right here.

[MrNotebook]

What is your definition of "a real man" in your own words?

I want to know so I can become more manly because sometimes I feel weak inside or ladylike. Is it ok to feel weak if I'm a male? Sometimes I'm not sure because the world teaches that I need to act tough and be into football to be respected as a man. Some guys like to get pit bulls and I like cute puppies - does that make me less manly? I'm not gay or anything, I just don't feel excited about a lot of stupid things so-called men get excited about (other than women of course). Also, sometimes I think I'm less of a man because 1) I suck at fighting, and 2) I don't be gettin laid. Is is because I'm focusing too much on others?

Also is it ok for a man to cry? I know its not ok for a man to be cryin every other day about dumb shyt because a man needs to be emotionally strong, but I mean cry for something like he's in a deep depression or he's piss broke and can't support his self and dependant on others. Is crying alone in your room ok or is it hideous and loser-like?

Don't feel compelled to answer the questions above - but rather more importantly, share your thoughts on what you think a real man is so I can learn it. I'm 40 in two years - I think its time I be a man.

What is a real man huh huh? A real man reads his bible and pray with his kids. and takes care of his kids and neice/nephews. Feed the kids. Thats what I believe. a real man pays his bills. A real man does what he says (integrity). A real man is respectful of people's time. now thats what real man mean to me...why I dont feel like I am big then? Why I feel teeny small? I'm 6' tall, why I feel little inside? Almost like I'm 15?

Like I said - what are your thoughts on what a real man is?

[wolfgang]

I saw a bumper sticker this AM that said this: "real men love Jesus"

otherwise - why try to define what a real man is? Get a definition to try to live up to? Or gage something? Why do that?

[MrNotebook]

In terms of character traits. What are the character traits (that you think) make a real man.

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Why I feel teeny small? I'm 6' tall, why I feel little inside? Almost like I'm 15?

Because you believe you're teeny small, little and almost like you're 15.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Like I said - what are your thoughts on what a real man is?

My thoughts are, why focus on being a real man when you can be a real you? If I had to guess, I'd say that if you focused on being the real you, whoever and whatever that is, the real man part would take care of itself.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

In terms of character traits. What are the character traits (that you think) make a real man.

a real man must smoke Marlboros, you know?

of coarse you have to define what is meant by "real man". is this like making a stereotype?

Wouldn't it be more interesting to ask what makes an authentic person?

[MrNotebook]

Originally Posted by Ecce Homo

Because you believe you're teeny small, little and almost like you're 15.

Well then when I start going to the gym and buffing up I'll seem to start acting like too good or something. How can I balance it to not start thinking I'm better than other men?

...the way the guys in the gym walk around like they're tough and more man. What tha hell is that about?

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

What is your definition of "a real man" in your own words?

A real man is...himself, whoever that may be.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Is it ok to feel weak if I'm a male?

Everyone feels weak sometimes. Be courageous to face what weakens you and make it into a strength. A lot of these questions turned around sound very silly in my head. What if I said, "is it okay to feel strong if I am a woman?"

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Sometimes I'm not sure because the world teaches that I need to act tough and be into football to be respected as a man.

Many men I've observed act tough and enjoy football. I sometimes act tough too and I used to play football in the street. I still watch the Cowboys and really enjoy it. So, no I don't think acting tough and liking football are prerequisites to manhood. Just options for anyone.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Some guys like to get pit bulls and I like cute puppies - does that make me less manly?

No. I have a doberman, does that make me less of a woman?

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

I'm not gay or anything, I just don't feel excited about a lot of stupid things so-called men get excited about (other than women of course).

Because someone is probably going to say it, it's not necessary to preface a statement like that with an "I'm not gay, but" disclaimer. Makes it seem like being gay is a bad thing. Not liking traditionally male centric activities has no bearing on your sexuality or your manhood in general. A lot of women get really excited about shopping or diamonds. It's a generalization, much like the generalizations you are feeling oppressed by about what men like or should do. As a woman I am not fond of those things, but it doesn't diminish my womanhood. A real man or a real woman is not a static thing that can be defined according to likes and dislikes or what one chooses to watch on tv.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Also, sometimes I think I'm less of a man because 1) I suck at fighting, and 2) I don't be gettin laid. Is is because I'm focusing too much on others?

I think you may feel so because you compare yourself unfavorably to others. Fighting and getting laid don't secure your status as a real man any more than baking and darning socks show me to be a true woman.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Also is it ok for a man to cry? I know its not ok for a man to be cryin every other day about dumb shyt because a man needs to be emotionally strong, but I mean cry for something like he's in a deep depression or he's piss broke and can't support his self and dependant on others. Is crying alone in your room ok or is it hideous and loser-like?

I think it's okay to cry if you feel like crying. While I believe it's wise for all people to be aware of and directing of their thoughts and feelings, sometimes situations cause an emotional response which when blocked can cause greater problems.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Don't feel compelled to answer the questions above - but rather more importantly, share your thoughts on what you think a real man is so I can learn it. I'm 40 in two years - I think its time I be a man.

Well, I never listen do I? I answered them anyway! You are a man. It's time to decide what kind of man it's important to you to be and then work toward that.

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

What is a real man huh huh? A real man reads his bible and pray with his kids. and takes care of his kids and neice/nephews. Feed the kids. Thats what I believe. a real man pays his bills. A real man does what he says (integrity). A real man is respectful of people's time. now thats what real man mean to me

That is a great start. It sounds like integrity, respect and provision are very important to the man you'd like to be. Base your estimation of your manhood on how well you accomplish the items that are important to you!

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

...why I dont feel like I am big then? Why I feel teeny small? I'm 6' tall, why I feel little inside? Almost like I'm 15?

Because you are looking for validation of your manhood from outside sources, men as a whole. In reality, there are a myriad of ways to be a man. You are born with the physical traits. It's up to you to decide what kind of life you want to live as a man. Determine your values and your goals and work toward them.

Good luck!

[Brutha]

If I understand you right your question is more or less:
"What do I have to be like to be accepted by society as a real man?"

Who cares? Be yourself, be authentic.
I doesn't matter whether other people will judge it as manly.
It only matters that you are yourself (or your best self), whether you are male or female.

[fwellers]

A "real" man, if that term can really even be implied, would be someone who takes responsibility for his actions and his life.
btw, same goes for a real woman.

Actually, the question should be "What is a real person".

[jaamkie]

I think there is no single universal definition of a "real man"- it really really really is such a personal thing. Tonight for example my (female) definition of a wonderful "real man" is a guy who understands and sympathizes with the comment 'btw- why is the example in the javadocs for substring() "hamburger" and "urge"??? ugh! (ok sorry if that was an excessively geeky aside... it popped up on my oth monitor when I just accidentally nudged my mouse)'

[Marco Polo]

Just to comment on the crying part: it's completely OK to cry, there's nothing masculine or feminine about it. People who don't cry, well, they're not normal.

It's also a good idea to learn how to hold it in (which isn't hard at at all once you learn tricks). That way crying is more like a conscious choice - not some uncontrollable outburst of emotion.

As for being a man in general, that's something you'll have to define for yourself, especially at the age of 38. Whatever makes you feel better, more confident, more solid. Forget about "fighting" and "getting laid", you're a man not a gorilla!!!

[nvictor]

I have a problem with the Be yourself ticket. Brutha told the OP to be himself. But what does one gain by being oneself? Nothing. "This is what I am, "this is who I am", and "It's hard to change". Remember the last time you said these words? Sounds funny now, right? Time has played against you, right? I have said these silly words 2 years ago, and I hope will never say them again. Human beings change, their life goals should not change.

Be yourself doesn't work. Period. I hope I will tell enough people during my lifetime to Be What They Want To Be. You cannot accomplish your goals by being yourself, you can only reach them by being what you want to be.

What is "a real man"?
I wish I had the answer. Thousands of years ago, a real man would bring food home and would protect his offsprings and his wife. It has become difficult to know who does what today.

But here a quote from Compay Segundo:
"Before he dies, a man must have a child, write a book, and grow a tree."

[LifeFirst]

Here's what I think a real man is


1. Someone who can provide for his family


2. Someone who pays his own rent


3. Someone who doesn't give a damn what others think a "real man" is.

[nvictor]

@LifeFirst

I cannot agree with 3. Not being able to tell your boy, for example, that the ideas he is receiving from TV, magazines, Internet, of what a "real man is", is a mistake.

I agree with 1 and 2. I can't help but add that the family must be a real family (I know we all heard about what happened in Austria; this father, said CNN, will defend himself with "I cared for my secret family" in court...)

[thirial]

A Real Man takes responsibility for everything in his life - the failures and the successes. you are where you are because of YOU not because of anyone else. if you don't take responsibility for everything in your life and instead play the blame game on a shitty childhood or a mummy that didn't love you well enough then you are giving up your masculine power and ceding it to others.

A Real Man doesn't feel sorry for himself! If you think you have problems then you need to go find some bigger problems. Most people have no idea how ****ing lucky they are because they can afford to feed themselves three times a day. Travel a bit in the third world, once you see the unimaginable poverty and suffering that exists outside your little world then you will begin to look at your own insipid problems and see them for what they truly are.

A Real Man sees everything in life as either a lesson or a reward. If we do not learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them. Confidence in this concept means we can never truly fail unless we give up. Stop taking yourself so seriously and have a laugh at yourself when you **** up everyone makes mistakes, few people learn from them.

A Real Man views adversity as a challenge - as you accept the previous law you will realise that the challenges of life do not get easier, on the contrary, they become more difficult. You welcome the challenge because you know that to rise above what lies ahead is to grow as a Man.

A Real Man sees life as a journey to be enjoyed for all its ups and downs. If we live sheltered lives and avoid pain we can never appreciate true pleasure. Present pleasure is postponed pain - we need to stop looking for that instant fix and stop popping all those pills or we are doomed to lives as wage slaves wasting away in front of the TV. The past is past and the future depends on how you act in the present. Turn off the TV.

A Real man never stops reading, never stops learning, never stops pushing his comfort zone, never stops standing up for whats right. There is no bigger hindrance to long term success than short term success. If you find yourself comfortable then you should be worried. Remember, perfect is boring: how can one grow if there is no room to move? Perfection is static, perfection is death.

A Real Man remains dedicated to his values at all times not only when its convenient. He remains true to himself and his word irrespective of the opinions of others. He does not try and force these values onto other people but instead leads by example in the hope that he will be followed.

Once you have gotten your act together and have become the Man your birthright demands you will have then become the rock of dependability for your friends, the foundation of your family, the pillar of the community. To take on more than your share and to give back to those less fortunate than yourself is one of the most rewarding feelings any Real Man can enjoy.

[MrNotebook]

Thirial, looks like you hit the nail on the head. All that you said is very mature and sits right with me and encourages me to want to grow more.

[Vasilisa]

A real man for me is the one who is ready to be a leader and a protecter for his family, spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Sometimes quiet, nice men have such an integrity and inner strength that for me they are more manly than any "tough" guy.

[Vasilisa]

Thirial, I love your post!

[moriez]

Isnt the term "real man" made up by someone angry, dissapointed or hurt or any of those emotions? Seriously, what kind of crap is that anyway. Real man, real man. What do you mean real? Its macho talk. Thats all it is.

[Brutha]

I have a problem with the Be yourself ticket. Brutha told the OP to be himself. But what does one gain by being oneself? Nothing. "This is what I am, "this is who I am", and "It's hard to change".

Few people go out and say "Hey world, this is who I am!"
Most people rather behave according to how other people around them expect them to behave.

And that exactly the point that I wanted to make. It doesn't matter how other people except you to behave as long as you are authentic.

[Rafael Perez]

This question has been the nightmare of a lot of men. I have been told by several different people in my life several different ways you have to be to "be a man."

It's quite silly really because there is no answer out there. In fact the question will hold you up to expectations that you will not be able to meet because they did not come from you.

Also, how can you evolve if you have to constantly meet one expectation. You will be stuck in this image of failure because you cannot reach what other people claim to be a man.

It's not about being a man... It's about finding who you are.

Beware of trying to meet other people expectations of what it means to be a man, the only authority on you is what your definition of a real man is.

The question is...

"what does it take to be me?" no one else has an answer, only you do... so listen to yourself when it comes to this, and know that as you grow, it is ok to change that definition.

You are amazing, you are perfect, you are great.