.define what "a real man" is right here.

[thirial]

Originally Posted by MrNotebook

Thirial, looks like you hit the nail on the head. All that you said is very mature and sits right with me and encourages me to want to grow more.

that makes me glad

[robc]

I will paraphrase the movie "Barnyard"....

"... A strong man stands up for himself,
A Stronger man stands up for others"

(or something like that)

It sounded poignant enough to remember it.

It's as good a definition as any I've heard thus far.

In my own words....

A real man takes care of & loves himself, his family and his friends.

A real man may get knocked down (often even) but he can pick himself up and continue.

It doesn't matter if he is 3 foot nothing or 7 ft tall, what counts is the size of his heart.

A real man may have enemies but he doesn't need to lower himself to their status in order to defend himself or function in his day to day life.

If he has children, those children will love him and want to be just like him when they grow up. They will never fear him, they will always feel protected by him, always want to see him because they love him, he has created an environment where his children feel safe enough to express those emotions and have them returned in greater amounts.

A real man doesnt making other people a priority while allowing himself to be an option in other people's lives. He has a decent amount of self respect, self esteem and confidence & self worth without being arrogant.

A real man doesn't need to appear better than everyone at the expense of everyone else. He knows his own value and doesn't need to broadcast it to the world - in fact it's not necessary. The people in & around his life know that he is a good man based on their interaction with him. He doesn't put other people down in order to raise himself to a higher level. His actions & existence tell the world he is a real man.

He can be attractive without having physical good looks.

A real man values life in all of it's forms and doesn't take life for granted.

Any man can be a real man, someone who has power over his actions and responsibility of those actions and doesn't blame other people for his current lot in life.

When you realize that you have the choice to make your life the way you want it to be, that it can be as good or bad as you make it because it is your actions & thoughts you are controlling which create the life you live, you are a man.

[SmartAlx]

It occurs to me that many of the characteristics that many of you are listing are also true for what many women try to have.

So I created a new thread:
.define what "a real woman" is right here.

[Tigerlilly]

At first I thought about how one is influenced by one's own Dad in the perception of what a real man is supposed to be like, or better what you're naturally attracted to in a guy as a girl.

Then I read Thirial's post on what a real man is supposed to be like and before my mind's eye saw someone like Spartacus marching through life as if it were an Universal Picture.

All this talk about real men seems to have little to do with real life, it's just something you have a laugh about. F.e. here's my uncle's version of it: A real man is made of steel with a heart as soft as butter. Reading about muscles and chicks is just as good. I never adored a guy for his muscles or cause he presumably laid lots of women, the very idea of doing so is a scream.

Now I've met a lot of great guys and they were just ordinary lovable people. They were tall or not, weighed more or less, wore all sorts of clothes and had all sorts of interests, and as far as pets go, one even had guinea pigs. Some felt confident about themselves and some didn't, not one marched through life like some mythical figure.

I guess what makes a man shine in the eyes of others's -just the same as goes for everybody else- is a sense of self-assurance and kindness that perpetuates his being. But even to postulate that you have to be like this to be a "real" man, I think is ridiculous.

If you think about it, what on earth should be the opposite of being a "real" man? An "unreal" one? A "false" one?

[SmartAlx]

Originally Posted by Tigerlilly

If you think about it, what on earth should be the opposite of being a "real" man? An "unreal" one? A "false" one?

Why obviously someone who doesn't exhibit the characteristics of the "real" man. Losers.
In other words, men who are not in control of their lives.

[brendannz]

If there is a definition of 'real man' I think it'd be entirely to do with fatherhood and being a good role model. But I also think that not every man in the world needs to be a father and so that there isn't a set definition about what a real man should be.

But if anyone is saying to you "You aren't a real man, because you cry so you're a sissy" or "you don't watch football you must be gay" then these people are probably NOT real men..

So it's up to you to decide what the man you're supposed to be is..

[Erock]

Haha I'd expect the stevepavlina forum to come up with a little bit deeper definition of a man then he "pays his bills." I think what really constitutes a man is his ability to be consistently connected to the source. This may sound wishy washy and new-agey but it isn't. All men have felt this at some point in their life. That feeling of ease, with a comfortable energy cascading through your body; the feeling of dominance when you hit a home run, or shoot an awesome basket. You feel it when you're hanging out with your best male friends when you're all laughing and making fun of each other. Pick up guys (although a lot of their stuff is garbage) call this being "in state."

This "state" is really when a man is free from his ego and connected to the source. It is the same feeling one gets from meditating or doing anything to become less attached to the ego. The measure of a man is simply how consistently he can maintain this state in day to day life. The problem is most men are bad-very very bad-at doing this.

The first, and biggest, mistake most men make is forgetting that they are always connected to the source. They can access it, and should be, at all times. Instead, their ego only gives them permission to access it when they have done something to validate the ego: shooting an awesome basket, making love to a beautiful woman, exc. Most men are constantly looking for external sources to validate their ego, which allows them to be connected to the source for a short period of time. Real men have realized that they are always connected to the source, and let nothing externally give them state or take it away. This is much easier said then done, especially in today's society.

When a man is connected to the source, and the energy of life is flowing through his body, he is very attractive to women. This is what women are describing when they talk about their perfect man: "He's confident, charismatic, laughs at himself, makes me feel good." These characteristics make no logical sense, but they perfectly and accurately describe the external qualities of a man in state. For example, a man in state giving a woman a compliment is sexy, a man disconnected from the source giving a woman a compliment is creepy and weird. Women test (and rightly so) men to see how connected they are to the source by doing something to provoke his ego and seeing how much a man can take before he reconnects with the ego and falls out of state. This makes sense, because men who are very rarely connected to the source can be at certain times and a woman just wants to verify that the man she is attracted to is in state most of the time and that it takes a lot of external noise for him to lose it.

Most men understand this stuff intuitively, but not on a conscious level. For example groups of guys make fun of each other all the time. What are they doing? Trying to disconnect one another from the ego by pointing out things someone did or said while they were connected to the ego and saying how stupid it was (I'm talking about legitimately good natured teasing, not actual insults. Insults are a product of the ego.) It's the same thing that stand-up comedians do. They don't tell stories about how they creamed their boss at racquetball, or how rich and famous they are. They tell stories about how fat they are, how horrible they are with women, or they complain about something trivial. All of these are examples of the times when they were disconnected from the source (or a direct demonstration with the complaining), which is why it is so funny. Laughter is the surprise at how ridiculous the ego is.

So in conclusion, like I said before, the measure of a man is how consistently he can maintain his connection to the source throughout the trials and tribulations of every day life. All of the previous posts in this thread describe the external qualities of a man connected to the source, but I hope I helped in diving a little deeper.

Erock

[MrNotebook]

Erock you are so on point....many people fail to see it this way...I guess its an inner intuition thing. You either know, or you don't.

[Rafael Perez]

A "Real Man"

A real man puts on pants until he doesn't
A real man pays bills until he doesn't
A real man eats a ten pound steak until he doesn't
A real man farts and burps until he doesn't
A real man is sensative until he's not
A real man cares until he doesn't
A real man...

What does the term mean? "Real Man"

I think Erock was right on point with the deeper sense of awareness of self. The answer to any question is within, by within I mean not focusing on anything external to define who you are.

Who you are surounds you, as Erock put it your connection with the source. Your connection with your higher self, your connection to your source conciousness. The term "real man" implies that there is a "fake man" or a sense of right and wrong as far as doing something or thinking a certain way in order to state that you are a real man.

The term real man plays into the ego by definition of society, religion, culture, and everywhere else in the world. Everywhere you look you will find the answer to what a "real man" is supposed to do with no real consistency.

There is no right and wrong way to be a person, it is a relative to your state of awareness in knowing who you really are and your purpose. Your sense of self and taking every moment as an opportunity to define who you are in your state of being is what creates your reality.

This connection with your true self, who you really are even when you do not meet the expectations of a label defined by others. Sticking to who you really are when it may not be popular.

It's not about being a "Real Man" but being the "real you".

The real you is much more magnificent than you think... that is being connected to the source, that is your higher self, realizing that you are a spiritual being having a human experience and you are not defined by expectations, physical needs, or anything material, including your gender.

[Ninja]

I think it will also depend on the country you live in. In the Netherlands, it is often the female who makes the first move when it comes to dating, is the headstrong one in a relationship and defends her mate when he (or she ) is in danger. Foreign males are often intimidated.

I know one universal thing though: a real man is not afraid to admit he likes puppies.

[JDCOOL]

It all comes down to self confidence. Who cares what other people think or what society's views are on being a real man. If you truly believe that you are a real man, successful, good looking, or just plain cool then you will be and if someone says you're not, then to hell with them because they are a waist of your time and energy!