Husband rather look at porn than me

[freddy]

I wonder why are you making this a point now in the relationship. Sex only 1 time in two years is not normal for most folks? I'm sure he don't want you to look like the girls on the porn site. He knows you would have 100 guy at the door in a heart beat.
If I were in your shoes I really think I would be moving on. Or be happy with getting yourself off. At your young age, You will have little problem finding some quality men, who could and would please your needs. Maybe this guy is a good freind,and thats all he can be.
Most people stay in relationship because it convenient, scared of being alone. But if you don't have that love making connection. I think your better off in most cases alone. My advise for what its worth Try counseling, if that not happening, I be singing.... bye bye baby.....baby bye bye good luck

[Acting Like Godot]

My guess is that he's got a huge addiction to porn and masturbation; and he masturbates so much he's got no more libido left for the real thing.

[munish]

Does looking at pornogr... - Blogs - Revolution Health

[Mayo]

Umm that's odd...

What is your food regimen?

Maybe you could choose appropriate photographer and make some sexy artistic photos but i would try to find the fine line in case he is not mature enough to take it, well he seems immature.

If even that does not work... hmm maybe swinging but that is something for ppl. that are pretty mature and have a good confidence in the partner.

Good luck!

[Mayo]

But i have to ask another question, is his penis able to get erected?? Now that is something entirely different and in that case he should get his general health screened.

Years without having sex.. well that is just not normal. Maybe he is just trying with porn to achieve arrousal, but if he has no problems with his weener then it's in his head.

[Jackster]

It seems as if he needs to re-connect with you. Ask him to go back to the time that he was attracted to you, courting you and wanting to be with you and to share with you in the beginning of the relationship. Attempt to rekindle the feelings you had with each other and restart some mutual interests together to spark those feelings again. Also, if he is on any medications that may be stealing his libido, overweight, balding, poor nutrition and circulation, etc.

Since he will not attend needed counseling, If I may recommend some excellent information and DVD on "Sexual Healing" by Gary Null, PH.D.. He is the foremost authority on health, nutrition, alternative treatment, energy and spiritual healing. He has the largest archives on scietific studies, research and peer reviewed published articles in the world!

You can watch the video together. I am positive this is the answer! Good Luck!

[Vasilisa]

The thing which confuses me the most is that he doesnt' care about your feelings obviously.
Say, even if he is unable to have normal sex for some reasons, loving you he could try other ways of satisfying you.
Is he afraid to loose you? Has he ever expressed any concern that you might leave him one day?

[Rafael Perez]

I have had experience in this subject have seen many relationships fall apart because of this. First off I know you will hear the term porn addiction and all kinds of labels that will soften the blow to you because it will make it seem like he has no control over it.

Second I want you to know that it is not you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are perfect.

This gets a little tricky and can be a very sensative subject so I will try to be gentle.

Many times and one of the reasons this issue cannot be seen as an addiction is that the porn it self or the person is brought to blame.

The porn has nothing to do with it and honestly he is not aware of why he does what he does.

There are several reasons, you would know better than I which would apply

1. He comes from a family or background in which women are seen as less, maybe he had a very male dominant figure in his life and women were not seen as equal. In these case, sex is more of an issue of dominance. He may find himself feeling guilty about that and avoid having sex.

2. Self confidence in bed. Maybe he think he is not that good and feels like a dissapointment every time you have sex. He will avoid it and turn to self satisfaction as an outlet.

3. Maybe he feels obligated to stay together but doesn't want to.

Now, I have listed a few things here that have to do with him. What I really want you to focus on is yourself.

what do you want? I mean, what do you truly want in order to be happy? and what are you afraid of?

Do not go by the social mandate or what everyone wants from you. Do not ask this question with others expectations or beliefs in your mind. Pretend no one else in the world exist... it is just you.

What do you really want? and what are you afraid of? and then ask yourself "why?"

3.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Keith

I'm sorry, but that's ludicrous. Masturbating to porn is not sex - it's not even a substitute for sex. Anyone who's done both can vouch for that.

Masturbation is a quick and convenient personal physical release - it has no emotional or social component. Masturbating to porn isn't comparable to cheating - it's just self-gratification. There is no emotional or romantic interest in the portrayed individuals - they're just abstract sex objects. (Which is creepy in itself, but that's a separate topic).

Cornfused,
I'm not clear from what you've said whether he views porn a lot and is just too 'spent' for sex (in which case it's an addiction that's a problem), or if you're 'just' bothered that he's still viewing porn when he doesn't appear to be attracted to you (in which case the actual problem is likely to be elsewhere).


Do you get the feeling that he's attracted to you? Does he look at your body appreciatively?

Just based on what you said, it's hard to narrow down a cause.

Masturbation is a lot less demanding than sex. Maybe he finds sex too demanding in some way? Maybe he's just tired? Maybe he's not emotionally up to it? Maybe he's having libido issues? Maybe (I'm sorry to suggest) he's not attracted to you due to other relationship problems? Maybe, if you've been repeatedly asking him for sex he feels overwhelming pressure to perform and would rather just avoid the issue?

Is there any chance he'd see a counsellor with you? This doesn't sound like something you're going to hash out between just the two of you. At the very least it'd give him an idea of how seriously you take the matter. (If you go this path make it clear that it's not a judgemental thing - you just want to develop more intimacy in your relationship).

To be able to tell us how every single person feels about masturbation, to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one ever feels an emotional attachment, and to know for certain that no one substitutes masturbation for sex. Nothing is that black and white. No one can speak for everyone. Everyone is different. All anyone can "know" is what it is to them. It's usually more productive if people don't attack people's opinions with words like "ludicrous". I don't mind if someone disagrees with me, but I see no reason to put anyone's opinion down. It's better to nicely debate an issue with actual evidence rather than just say someone is flat out wrong. You know nothing about the people who write on this site. You're probably not the wisest person here nor am I. I'd rather keep the discussions less antagonizing because it distracts from the information that could be exchanged. It's better to be humble and open.