Peer Pressure

[michael50]

Hello everyone,

I am a new member. Like most of us, I am keen on personal development and surf regularly to browse various articles on PD. Am fortunate to chance upon this forum. Some of the stuff herein is really inspirational but I could not find a response to one of the big issue I am facing today - Peer Pressure.

For the last 12 months, I am suffering from significant peer pressure. I work in a large corporate and there is immense pressure due to murky politics and rat race. Although I feel I am technically better qualified than my peer, my peer is much more social than me and hence he is popular. I am ok with this because I am contend spending time/having fun with my family and limited no. of friends. However what really concerns me that my peer utterly disrespects me. He makes sure that he is secretive about things whereas I open up almost everytime to him. What hurts me most is that he sometimes doesn't greet me back in the morning. He is very judgemental about things and does not like to discuss with me on various business issues, but just gives his verdict. His behaviour wasn't like this before, but because he is more busier than me and also popular, he feels he is more important than me. I have subtly reminded him regarding his behaviour, but he has turned deaf ear.

Hence I read about spirituality, pray and try to forget my worries. However I would appreciate if someone from forum also helps me with other sources/info that could mitigate some of my worries.

Thanks
Michael

[kxk56]

Interesting.. You mentioned that he wasn't like this before.. This makes me think that something happened.. or said about you to him and he changed..

Try to lock him and talk to him directly without fear. If he escapes - try to talk to people which are close to your boss - his friends, colleges.. Privately initiate frank talk with your colleges and ask their opinion on why your peer dislikes you.

[SeanFu]

I've worked at an engineering firm for a few years, sounds like the similar intellectual rat race and the "I'm more intelligent and important than thou" complexes that a lot of people have.

I'm more of an evil person though. If someone I can tell doesn't say hi to me after I've said hi first and I notice this, the next time I say hi I do it at 2-3 times the decibals as before. Therefore, other people hear it and if he doesn't respond he looks like an ass to a bunch of people. But, then again.. that's me.. and I'm somewhat evil regarding these types of people.

Some people believe that they are "more important" than other people. It's the way it is with some people. I usually just ignore those people and just be casual with them in a work environment if I continue to see the pattern of them placing themselves higher on a pedestal than myself in their eyes. Also I use the "treat others as they treat you" philosphey, meaning that if he doesn't share information with me then I won't share it back.

In short, some people are just natural jerks and should be avoided. It's hard to reason with someone who views themselves as your intellectual/popular superior. I guess in a strange form of an analogy, they are the lords of the land and your the peasant, why would a lord dare take advice from a peasant? Strange analogy, I know.. but somewhat fitting regarding some people out there.

[jaamkie]

I assume this is an obvious change of behavior directed at you specifically? I know when I'm coding sometimes I don't really hear people talk to me until they repeat themselves, or sometimes I'm trying to finish a thought before I respond, and if it's just a casual "hi" as they walk past, they might be gone before I look up.

[Gozunn]

aww please just ignore him, live your own life or see what makes him feel important and out-do him at it. But I think the former is better. Ignore him, don't talk to him. Undermine him all the time. what goes around comes around its that simple.

[Fullcrum]

It sounds like you do not possess a standard of behavior that you will and will not accept both from yourself and others. Actually, you do, but since you didn't reinforce it (because you were unaware of it), both in yourself and with him, you feel bad and made a post on a forum asking for help. The answer is to have a standard. And you don't do this by "putting your foot down" and telling him out. Just be more positive than him and beat him at his own game.

I get the feeling you feel stifled, while he can get away with anything. This is absolutely false - in your life, within your conscious experience of living, the buck stops at YOU. I feel like if I told you to tool him back by being louder than him, you would say "I would not do that, I'm too nice," or "I cannot do that, it's not me," or some other rationaliztion. But really, that's the best way you can both deal with it, and grow from the experience (as opposed to leaving the department/company or complaining to your boss or something). Of course this does not apply to every situation, but this is a social situation, and in these, just establish dominance. Anticipate that he has to listen, because you are a person that others listen to. If you anticipate a good response, people tend to give it. And if they don't you're a positive person, so it doesn't bother you.